To worry more about adult DC than I ever did when they were little

100% agree with this. All those tracking, being on constant contact etc is making things worse, not better. The OP says she’s worried as she hasn’t heard from her travelling daughter for 12 hours… does that mean contact is usually more frequent than every 12 hours?? If so, with all respect, that’s insane. I’m not that old (40) but when I was travelling in my early 20s I called my parents every week or so. They trusted me.

I travelled to Afghanistan and Iran back in the 1970s with a group when it was safe to do so. I revisted Iran (travelling independently) in the 1990s and Syria and Lebanon in the early 2000s. I would not visit those places now. as they are no longer safe destinations.

I look back on when they were young, and think, what was I worrying about?! Their decisions seem to have so many more serious implications now they are young adults. And yes, they make their own decisions.

I work full time and have a busy social life and great marriage so it’s not about me having an empty life.

I wonder if it’s because we were lucky and their childhoods and adolescent years were pretty straightforward and uncomplicated. The ‘real world’ is not so simple.

Whilst I don’t interfere unless my advice is requested, I feel the mental burden of being a parent more than I ever did. It has surprised me and I don’t like it.

Mine are 23 and 28, both have left home. I worry more now than ever,especially about my daughter ( she has ADHD)
At least when they're little you know where they are and what they're doing.....

My eldest 2 are almost the same age as yours , it never stops . My dh thinks it's crazy to be worried about them but if eldest is late from work he is straight onto message to see why . I think when they no longer live with me I might have to relax . I don't think my own parents worried half as much and they couldn't contact us as easy. They definitely didn't know our every move

I think this is the main problem when you’re a single parent. Worrying and catastrophising when you’re alone with no one to ground you is awful. I ask (almost plead) with my son to stay at his best friend’s parents house overnight so I can sleep without worry. He mostly does to please me, which helps but then I spend the next day still worrying until he’s back. I have his location but won’t look at it during the night in case it makes me worry more. The next day I can spend hours agonising over whether to look at it to see if he is at his friend’s house. I give myself to midday, take a deep breath and look through my fingers at his location. When I see he is at his friend’s it’s like a huge weight has been lifted. I dread to think how I would react if he wasn’t somewhere familiar. I know it’s all mad but there’s nothing I can do to change it, it’s how my brain is wired. It’s actually exhausting. 😩 Once he’s back at uni I relax a lot more as it’s not possible, even for me, to worry every minute he’s there.

Whoever it was that said having children is like having a piece of heart outside your own body was so right.

I have four and it's constant worry even though three out of the four live over three hours drive away.

Yep although I think if they where kidnapped they would soon be brought back 🤣

I understand you.My 19 year old is doing a year in spain working.My 22 year old a Uni, the thing is they will have to face all.sorts of things just like we did.You gave them the rescources to get through.It will be okay .

I would msg and if it was my eldest she would just msg all good I met a guy and went back to his. If it was my second eldest she would msg all good and then make up some excuse/lie which would also be fine. I don't care what either are doing just that their breathing

But do people really travel around Iran, Afghanistan and Syria

Back in the day - yes. Now - only if they're stupid.

My adult DD and I are very close too. The difference is that if she told me she'd been skinny dipping, it would come as a surprise as I wouldn't have been tracking her at 3am and noticed she was in the sea. It's up to her what she chooses to share with you - you shouldn't be one step ahead.

And no one has told me what they'd do if they noticed DC was in an unknown house at 3am. Would you ring to check they hadn't been abducted like my friend did and found out her DD was having a ONS

I must be naive and im not well travelled the furthest I've been is Greece. But do people really travel around Iran, Afghanistan and Syria. I think you was very wise not to tell your mum I would lock my daughter in the house if she said she was travelling to these places.

I guarantee you will never stop worrying.

When I was travelling solo to places like Iran, Afghanistan and Syria I never told my parents where I was going. My mother would have worried herself hairless. Fortunately there were no smart phones then (although there were mobiles) so it was much more diffciult to keep track of people. I let my whereabouts be known to one realative whom I could trust not to tell the others. The most I ever did was to let him know I had arrived safely and possibly another call to say I would be back next day.

Thank you for this sensible reply.

Omg same thats why Im perhaps wrongly under the illusion that she's the sensible one she perhaps isn't she's just better at hiding stuff

Having technology so you can be in contact on a daily basis can be great and a hindrance. Don’t track DS, but when he went to uni he would message on family WhatsApp group pretty much daily, sometimes just a ‘morning’ other times more verbose. But on a day he didn’t message or respond or no blue tick, then the worry set in as so unusual. Of course a couple of days later he would reappear

My dad used to stay awake waiting for me to come home from the nightclub. Then again they did close at 2am back in the olden days, and the pub’s finished at 11pm.

I also knew that if I couldn’t get a taxi home I could ring him and he’d come to collect me. I’ve done exactly the same for our daughter, she’s 30 but you never stop worrying, 🤗