To worry more about adult DC than I ever did when they were little

My brother died aged 27 in a car accident. There’s nothing my parents could have done to prevent that though. Tracking him, being in contact every 12 hours etc wouldn’t have stopped that accident from happening.

I think I can name quite a few young people (at least 10, 3 of the deaths were my first cousins who lost their lives through farm accidents, suicide and sudden illness, that’s not where it ends - my sister lost her boyfriend when she was 16, one of my school friends lost her dd, she was hit by a car when crossing a road when she was abroad, my brothers friend died after driving home drunk, had an accident - went off the road - and wasn’t found for a few days, sadly there’s more but they were the closest to me - it’s not that unusual in my life.

Agree completely. I'm a mum to two lads (21 and 18). It's always a worry. My eldest one is out today and I'm worried

In the last few years several young adult friends of my children have died quite suddenly

That's awful but very unusual.

This is very true. Mine are 46 and 43. Im unhappy most of the time.

In the last few years several young adult friends of my children have died quite suddenly, and the sheer grief and fallout has been so heartbreaking,

I think it has heightened the fragility of life, even in the very young for me.
They are so precious to us.

OP, you are totally normal.
Its a mother thing.
My husband is so chill about ghe children, he doesn't worry at all.
I do.
Their safety is my number one worry.
I travelled all over the world in mh 20's and 30's and was very security conscious.
It's a different world and they are so precious to us.
I worried about my boys but now my girls are now out and about it is another level.
It is exhausting.
The price of loving them so much.

💕 my teen opted out of sharing location which is fine. I’d just be driven nuts tracking.i also find it a bit intrusive. It’s funny the things that worry us and those that don’t. Out with all his mates today and partying tonight & not worried. But they all go way back. Travelling on his own late totally freaks me out

Maybe, but there is no need to feed your anxiety by doing things like tracking them on their phones, or insisting you message every day, etc.

It is not helping.

But its one of them things its like saying to a depressed person just be happy. You can't always just quieten your brain

Yes this. But you learn to live with it. I find out of sight is out of mind a bit. Mine has turned off location settings and read receipts and won’t put what she is doing in the fam calendar but wants access to everyone calendar so she can see what we are doing but not vice versa!

I'm very sorry for your loss. That is clearly a terrible thing to have happened.

However, the point is, anything, however unlikely can happen to any of us, anywhere, at any time. Worrying yourself into a frenzy about the 'what if...'s in life doesn't help anyone. Had your dd's friend's Mum been tracking her at the time, it would have made no difference whatsoever.
There is nothing to be gained by over worrying about things you can't actually affect.

https://youtube.com/shorts/cRTf57A6Y50?si=_yXvjdrNzJOAqwuZ

I’ve read the whole thread now. OP, it sounds as if your kids have no idea that you worry so that’s good. And they talk to you too so probably will ask if they need help.

Mine know I worry but I think my level is normal, not obsessive or anything to worry about. And they call me often and send me stuff on Instagram so that helps.

I think the worries just change. I have a toddler and a teen, I worry the toddler will fall over and bang their head and I worry that my teenager will get robbed on the bus to school.

My mum says she lays awake some nights still and worries about me and my siblings (we’re all fine)

My stepmum was in a state when I broke my ankle because she was so worried about me falling down the stairs when I got home (I was 30)

I guess it never ends 😂

I don’t worry as much as I used to now that I’m on sertraline, i think a certain amount of worry is normal but yours sounds like you might have underlying anxiety issues.

I would say it's wirse having adult DC. You have absolutely no control over them and its hard seeing them fall.

OP - you're getting very defensive but here are a few of things you wrote

I worry constantly and think the worst possible outcomes

Now in the pub and am having to sit on my hands not to message her. This is never going to stop is it ?

I do feel like im going crazy sometimes

That doesn't sound like normal worrying (I worry about my DD too!) and is causing you anguish. However, you only seem to want responses from people who worry to the same degree as you, so I'll wish you well and leave you to it.

It is scary, having adult children. When they’re little you know where they are, you can keep them safe and when they're adults you can’t.

All you can do is hope they make good choices whilst knowing they probably won’t.

ETA she wanted us to add her to the Life360 app because she was a new driver and also has a tendency to lose her phone so hoped it would help find it 😅

Gah Life360 is both a blessing and a curse. According to Life 360 a couple of weeks ago my DD19 was in a hedge, in a field about 25 miles away at about 1am. I was beside myself so ended up texting her and she was 'fine' apparently 🤯

I think its totally normal. We never stop worrying about them. Don't let it out of control.

@rhabarbarmarmelade I typed a big reply to you and then pressed cancel instead of edit - grrr! I just wanted to send solidarity as a fellow Epilepsy mum - it is awful and the stress is next level. Constantly alert, in jump in to action mode all whilst my son is out taking risks that do not help his health condition! I hear you and I am sorry you are in a similar position x

This is my identical situation with DD every day, heart in mouth. Hers is not well controlled and she is at uni very far away. So yes, worry far far more than before this bloody blight came along.

When I went travelling for 14 months, my parents were not able to track me or text me or know my exact whereabouts. How lucky I was to do it just as the world of technology was changing.

I have 2 in their 20s. I worried about them very little when they were at uni. One has moved out now so I don’t tend to worry about him, the other is back at home and will have me lying awake at night until he gets in from a night out. Ridiculous, but I am beyond hope.