To worry more about adult DC than I ever did when they were little

But is worrying going to stop this? The amount you worry is not going to stop life happening unfortunately.
I think the obsessive texting and tracking would made me want to shake my parents off if they had done that to me. Tracking me through the night - they would have had a shock lol!
Why do people expect their adult children not to have a life of their own when they had the freedom to live their life? Your daughter was having a lovely time with that new boy and so she should!
I have younger kids but there is no way I’m going to invade their privacy as an adult. It’s not fair and you’re not going to stop bad things from happening - you might just push them away.

My children are similar ages to yours OP and I have always worried. My partner never worried when they were younger, but he’s worse than me now they’re older, especially when they’re on holiday with friends.

We just let them know that they can tell us anything, if they call needing help, regardless of what’s happened, we will be there etc. Other than that you just have to hope that all the input you have given them pays off, they make good choices, hope that the world is kind to them and be there when things aren’t going so well.

We have actually had the conversation with our kids about parents worrying and they understand. They know they get what is now known as ‘the lecture’ 😂 before every holiday, when they go to festivals etc about staying safe. They’re both really good at keeping in touch. My son always messages me before and after he takes a flight and sends a few texts/photos when he’s on holiday. My daughter was out somewhere recently where there was an incident and she text me before it even made the news to say that she’s safe and they had got an uber back to their friend’s house.

I think good parents always worry, you just have to keep perspective. Most people go through life just fine.

People can’t cope with life’s basics anymore let alone anything truly challenging

I think modern parents are nuts. The worrying about adult children and anxiety about every little thing must drive their children crazy. This isn’t normal behaviour it’s neurotic toxic behaviour. Children grow up and become adults who handle themselves. Get a grip and do something else with your life.

Its not about the length of time its about whats the norm for that person. If either of my 2 eldest hadn't been on social media at all in 24hr id be concerned as its completely out of character. Just like if someone calls their mum every Saturday at 6pm without fail and then suddenly didn't.

I get worrying about the 18 year old who has only just become an adult, but worrying about a 24 year old adult when they haven't been in touch for a day is a tad bit excessive. My 21 year old studies in the US and I often don't get a message for 4-5 days which is entirely normal. Modern communication methods have created a lot of anxiety. Back in the 1990s a weekly brief phone call home was the norm.

Some people are though, as you see on here regularly.

I don't think we mean sitting there with the tracker in your hand 24/7, but the fact that any parent is looking where their adult child is on a regular basis is just too much.
My dd has asked her brother to have her location on his phone as she knows he's just not interested to look. But if her phone was lost or stolen, he might be able to help. Nobody in our family is interested in where a young adult is at midnight, a couple of hundred miles from home. It is their life. That level of prying is just odd.

There's a HUGE difference between 'never worrying about anything' and the obsessive levels that the OP and some other posters have talked about on here though.

I'm busy but still worry. The world is a scary place.
The more you love the more you hurt. I envy sociopaths sometimes. Imagine not giving a f*? Although nah I'd rather care. It's hard though.

I could break out in a cold sweat at the thought of my 11 year old dd in the future driving and going for drunken nights out in the city

You’re quite rude when someone was making reasonable suggestions - just carry on fretting and worrying then 🤷‍♀️

There was about 10 years I didn't feel I needed to worry about dd1 and dd2 but abnormal cervical cells, ectopic pregnancy, placental abruption etc have meant me being very anxious. Then ds ending up in ICU with sepsis 2 summers ago didn't help. Thankfully he was home from university when he took bad - I dread to think what would have happened if he been at university or living in digs. Now the youngest is going to university 6 hours away (she has audhd) in September! No wonder we get grey hairs!

But when you’re panicking that they haven’t posted anything on SM for 12 hours and are waiting for them to wake up on the other side of the world so they can text you and tell you they’re ok, it sure sounds pretty obsessive.

I'm going against the grain too. I never really worried about my dds and I have nothing to worry about now they're adults. They're both super sensible so what good would worrying do? Dd1 travelled around Asia recently. We messaged/spoke every day & she even did a motorbike safari trip for 5 days. Obviously if I didn't hear from her after a day or 2 I'd have started to worry

My husband is 53 and you know what his old mother told me: promise me you will be always looking after him....

Im aware hes a grown man and no I don't do his cooking and washing. He does experience freedom and independence, he works, drives a car and lives the normal life of a 27 year old.This was more a general sympathising with the op about still worrying about grownup dc. I don't track him or project my worries onto him. Maybe " pacing the floor" was a bit of an extreme statement meant to illustrate as a mother you will always worry about your kids no matter how old they are!:

He’s a grown man though, old enough to have a wife, kids, a house. Although he lives at home, he should still get to experience freedom and independence - as should you.

I think it’s probably normal to feel anxious about when he’ll be rolling in, but pacing the floor seems extreme. It’s important, to raise a good man, to give him independence. Do you still do all his cooking and laundry? I think the current generation of early adults at home isn’t helping prepare them for adult life, it’s a side effect of the cost of living and poor job market.

I am with you here. I am sure you have done a great job bringing them up to be independent, capable young adults and you need to trust them. You are worrying about things that haven't happened and might never happen that you can't control.

Is there anything you can do to reduce the level of worry? This should be the time you sit back and admire them, perhaps enjoying some time to do things you want to do and you are spending it worrying about things you can't control, fix or prevent. All you can do is trust them and be there if they need you but when would this end?

Might it be possible for you to decide not to worry about things that haven't happened yet? Catastrophisisng what might happen will make this limitless.

I can’t say how I’d feel as my kids are little still but I was raised with a LOT of freedom. In university, I would call my mum every few weeks max. When on holiday with friends or my boyfriend we’d not message each other at all.

I do remember feeling a bit gutted that we didn’t feel close at the time but equally we were all busy living life, studying and working etc. Now I have kids and we live around the corner, I see my parents multiple times a week.

I was very independent and didn’t want to check in regularly, I can’t imagine many 24year olds wanting to. Because of my upbringing, I find watching your adult children on 360 or checking in every 24 hours too much, it’s suffocating. Maybe I’ll feel different when my kids are older but I’m not so sure as both myself and husband have had more hands off parenting.

Totally agree - I can’t understand people that don’t worry like this - my mother in law openly says she never worried - I think that’s odd.

I totally sympathise with you. I have a ds(27) still living at home. When he goes out and it gets to 3.00am I start really worrying until he gets home. My dh sleeps soundly while im pacing the floor. I know its unreasonable but I feel massively relieved when I hear the front door closing and I know hes home.