To worry more about adult DC than I ever did when they were little

All parents are not like yours. I remember people like you at Uni who bitterly resented calling their parents, they were always too cool or clever to want to speak to parents <eye roll>. Most of us enjoyed the weekly chat we had with our parents - even if it was in a freezing cold phone box. It sounds like your parents abused you emotionally and financially but it's not the way the majority of parents behave. Maybe you need to get some therapy or check out the Stately Homes thread in relationships - you seem to be carrying a lot of issues.

Have you heard from her OP?

Totally. Unless you know they're not coping, it's better for everyone if you can't see what they're up to. It's draining for them too if they're trying to work round your anxiety (saying this as a very anxious mum who always thought DS must have collapsed in a ditch on his way home on nights out, before he left for uni).

No, I'm not a parent, but I have been an adult child and I can confidently say that the more a parent fusses, or expects a message or "check in", then the more likely I'd be to push back and just stop getting in touch at all.
I remember going to university in the Stone Age and being told that I had to send a letter home once a week - I bitterly resented it, and only did it because I was financially dependent. So it's just about being aware of potential consequences.....

@Mummyoflittledragon I hope so! Dd1 and dd2 are early 30s, married with dc and ds has also graduated and has a permanent job so they are off my hands. Dd3 is also not doing the course she wanted as she has decided that university is too close as its about 1 and a half hours away. She also has an offer for a university close to where ds and dd1 live but apparently that was a too low offer. I don't think any of her friends are going there but a boy she likes in the year below is apparently thinking of going there! She is quite resilient and a friend of mine lives about 20 miles away in an emergency. It is a worry but she has to grow up sometime.

Life 360 is another modern day curse, and does nothing except make parents anxious. Switch it off, people, because you absolutely don't need it, and it infantilises your young people.

You are obviously being unreasonable, OP - a 24 year old doesn't need to be in contact every few hours! Some of it is the curse of mobile phones and social media, because they create expectation of constant contact - back in the day, a 24 year old off travelling would send one postcard per month, and that was perfectly fine. Try to channel some of the spirit of the 1980s!
But when I see how much some of my friends fuss over their competent adult offspring, it just makes me even more relieved to be childfree.

@Manthide
It’s scary, isn’t it? Will your dd be ok? That’s a long trek, especially as you have siblings to consider. Mine has firmed one 2.5 hours away. It’s not even the course she wants to do. The course she actually wants to do is closer, but dd point blank refused to go there. I think what has happened is her friend doesn’t want to go to university alone and suggested it to dd. The friend was at first all for going to another university, also nearer to home, but they pulled the course dd actually wanted to do. The place they’ve chose is a lovely university and location, but doing the wrong course is going to be a drag, isn’t it?! They won’t even be at the same university btw, so no chance of actually being together.

I found it hard to step back but he really had to learn the hard way sometimes. He's in his 40s now and in a really good place in life.

My poor dm - I went to live abroad the minute I graduated and once failed to contact her for a year! She said she was close to calling the police but was obviously not that worried as she didnt. This was in the late 80s.

@Mummyoflittledragon I totally get that! Dd3 is AuDHD and has no concept of danger - if someone told her to jump off a cliff she'd probably do it. She has decided to firm a university over 6 hours away from home, nowhere near any of her siblings. I did worry about ds23 as he is autistic but that was more whether he'd make friends etc. He was also only 10 miles from dd1 so she kept an eye on him.

Worrying ia s parents right if thats what they choose but they are not allowed to pass the fact that they worry onto their children.

I had the most awful tragedy happen to the person i was closest to when I was 18. But for some reason I've never worried about things I can't control. Obviously I like to know my dds have arrived at their destination safely but that's about it. There are definitely things you can do to stop yourself worrying unnecessarily

When my daughter was pregnant I worried about her (for various reasons) especially when she went into labour and there were complications. I worried even more for each subsequent pregnancy.
It was at that point that I realised how hard it must have been for my mum. I was very blase about my pregnancies. My poor mum was up all night waiting for news when I was in labour and I thought nothing of it.
I do remember her in later life though saying it doesn't matter how old your child are you never stop worrying about them. At the time I didn't appreciate what she was staying. Now I do!

Everyone must live that part of their lives. We all did. But we never know how hard it was for our mums! Mine didn’t say anything when I moved to Paris, aged 19. But she was glad when I came home! (then I went to London)

Worrying isn't rational though. Of course we know worrying won't change anything but we don't choose to worry. It happens
As I have got older I have become more of a worrier because I have experienced more negative things. When I was 20 I was very carefree and didn't worry at all. Since then people I loved who were very close to me have died either very suddenly in an accident, through an undiagnosed illness and through not recovering from.an operation.
Which means I can't help worrying about my adult children. I wish I didn't

I know, imagine going back to a man’s house when you’re away at uni knowing your mum is tracking you and thinking ‘while is she at this random address at 3am?’ and texting to check if you’re ok!

And a gold star if you have your children's name as a tattoo. That will take them far in life!

Seriously I rarely unduly worry about my kids. I have no need to. They're level headed, sensible kids who take appropriate risks in life & learn from them. Worrying won't help anyone

Gosh, as an adult child some of this thread makes me feel so uncomfortable, but I guess if you’ve grown up using something like life360 it might be more normal for adults who are younger than me? It’s fascinating how quickly technology has normalised this level of surveillance, eg. I cannot imagine my mum calling me to find out why I wasn’t at home in the wee hours and I was actually hooking up with someone. I find that absolutely wild. And more to the point, it would simply never have happened while I was a student because it wasn’t technologically possible for this to happen.

Thank you. There are bonus points if you are only as happy as your unhappiest child, no matter their age...

I'm no longer broken and bewildered, so time to change my user name.

I'm with you OP. My two sons are notoriously bad at texting. One is travelling and was in Egypt and I'd not heard from him for a bit. So I made the mistake of looking on Life360 and saw he was in the Red Sea! and then the next day in a desert. He finally answered my check in to say he'd been diving looking for sharks! and some star gazing thing in the desert.
I'm glad he's living his best life but it is not easy on Mums!

Not every teen will accept to learn those tools. And sending them into the world without them is unthinkable to most parents. It’s not necessarily about worrying about them for me per se, it’s going to be about not knowing if my dd is coping even at a basic level and one, that most parents take for granted. And more contact than would be seen as normal will make a difference (if dd allows it), because I could be on hand to teach those tools slowly.

Excellent post @Brokenandbewildered The evidence is on this thread: I am a good mother because I worry; I worry because I am a good mother.

Btw hope you're not really broken and bewildered.

Mine is almost 18 and she has no concept of her lack of capabilities to look after herself, feed herself, go shopping. And won’t listen to anything I say. And highly vulnerable. She wants to go to university in September and thinks she is capable of looking after herself. She has ED and is a big risk taker. I had to get her to eat to literally save her life 2 years ago. Dd has A levels at the moment and booked to go on holiday with 2 friends abroad to a party location. One of whom also has ED

Your worrying is completely understandable. Most of us are talking about NT children. I'd feel completely differently if my child had an eating disorder.