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AIBU?

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Original poster

To worry more about adult DC than I ever did when they were little

258 replies

BurnoutGP · 22/05/2026 23:37

I was never an anxious parent. But now I think a combination of menopausal anxiety and no control over what they do, I worry constantly and think the worst possible outcomes. Both are lovely capable mostly responsible girls.
DD1 is 24 and travelling. I worry about her constantly. Haven't heard from her for 12hrs/she hasn't posted on SoMe and my brain worm is thinking all sorts. She's 6hrs ahead so is obviously asleep.
DD2 is 18 and out for a friend's birthday. Now in the pub and am having to sit on my hands not to message her.
This is never going to stop is it ?

OP posts:
Blueeberry · 23/05/2026 02:16

PhyllisTwigg · 23/05/2026 01:54

Why are people saying "I feel you?" It's an odd expression.

You need to believe in your adult dc!

Spot on! Tracking adult DC is unhealthy and mithering them to text to prove they're alive is a burden for them. Release them into the chaos of the universe and get on with your own life!

It’s a perfectly normal expression for those that are familiar with empathy.. you may lack it!

Peakyblinder18 · 23/05/2026 02:14

PhyllisTwigg · 23/05/2026 01:54

Why are people saying "I feel you?" It's an odd expression.

You need to believe in your adult dc!

Spot on! Tracking adult DC is unhealthy and mithering them to text to prove they're alive is a burden for them. Release them into the chaos of the universe and get on with your own life!

@PhyllisTwigg
That's how you feel.
Not particularly helpful though as we're not discussing you.

Peakyblinder18 · 23/05/2026 02:11

Mine are 31 and 33.
I question myself about being intrusive by wanting to know they are safe.
Hmmmm different world to the one I knew.

Roselilly36 · 23/05/2026 02:07

Yep, I worry about my two, 24 & 23, toddlers are a breeze, compared with the worry adult children bring.

newfriend05 · 23/05/2026 01:58

Mine are 33 and 31 and I worry more then I ever did when they were little , so no it doesn’t stop .. I have boys so the teenager years and early 20s I was anxious every time they went out .

PhyllisTwigg · 23/05/2026 01:54

Why are people saying "I feel you?" It's an odd expression.

You need to believe in your adult dc!

Spot on! Tracking adult DC is unhealthy and mithering them to text to prove they're alive is a burden for them. Release them into the chaos of the universe and get on with your own life!

ScabbyHorse · 23/05/2026 01:42

We swap one set of sleepless nights for another

Blueeberry · 23/05/2026 01:02

DD is 22 and I feel you, OP! The worries become so much more complex as they get older, the worst part is there’s rarely much you can do to fix them. Finances, career, uni, housing - it never stops.

ByCyanFinch · 23/05/2026 00:57

SabrinaThwaite · 23/05/2026 00:49

I’ve come to accept that you’re only as happy as your unhappiest child.

God this is so true.

SabrinaThwaite · 23/05/2026 00:49

I’ve come to accept that you’re only as happy as your unhappiest child.

EffinMagicFairy · 23/05/2026 00:27

I worry less about DS away at Uni, I don’t know his ins and outs, and I sleep better, when he’s home I don’t sleep until he’s in. Then I have DD18 who has discovered socialising, so I’m sat up waiting for her, however I worried about her when she was sat in her room not going anywhere!

clapyourhandsifyourworkingtoohard · 23/05/2026 00:26

I came to the conclusion recently that parenting is just a carousel of worry.

Each new chapter brings something different.

Its not that they aren't capable human beings, i think its just instinct to make sure they are safe and well.

I have been known to ask for a proof of life message, can be a full stop for all I care. Just something that made me know they were okay and safe. Xx

Familywhen · 23/05/2026 00:21

Yes agree 100% . I was always a very relaxed parent whilst they were living at home . Now they are adults I cannot fix their problems and they are exposed to so many more problems! I don’t consider it a weakness,it’s just how my brain is wired.

DazedWifelet · 23/05/2026 00:18

YANBU. There is a saying that your adult children going about in the world is like watching your heart going around. It fecking scary! I have a 24yo DS and 21yo DD. Great kids but it’s very VERY scary!

ComedyGuns · 23/05/2026 00:13

Mossstitch · 22/05/2026 23:56

Afraid not, one of mine did 6 hour drive on motorway today and I was so grateful of 'last seen' on whatapp as I can see he's alive..........he's nearly 40!😳 I worrry about when I'm dead whose going to look out for them, one has a partner so don’t worry as much about him but others don't have anybody but me and each other and I can't bear the thought of not being here for them.🤦‍♀️

Oh gosh. I feel you!

JustGiveMeReason · 23/05/2026 00:08

I'm going against the grain here.

You need to believe in your adult dc!
Have you not brought them up with common sense and the normal, basic skills of adulting ?

The fact that some of you are tracking your dcs movements at University says a lot about why you are getting yourselves into this state.
People leave home to go to University partly for the degree and partly to learn to live as adults. It is incredibly disrespectful to be following where they are at all hours of the day and night.

MarchInHappiness · 23/05/2026 00:08

It gets better op, my DD is 27, she lives with her long term partner in their own house and has a good job. The most 'partying' she does these days is dinner with her mates or a few drinks at the local hockey club, and partner is teetotal so already picks her up.

But yes, just under a decade ago I was in your shoes. Clubbing, boozy trips abroad etc, she worried me senseless!

Original poster
BurnoutGP · 23/05/2026 00:02

I really need to go to bed as im working in the morning. But waiting for DD1 across the world to wake up and message me and DD2 to get home. I know im being ridiculous and should just go to bed!

OP posts:
KojaksLollipop · 23/05/2026 00:01

My now 24yo DS moved to a different city last year, he has a job, he’s responsible and pays his bills etc. but he’s also a partier. I find it best to ask what he did for the weekend rather than what he’s going to be doing for the weekend, lol

My 20yo DD went to uni in September, I know what I got up to at uni, I’d hate to think she’s the same, fgs!!

Both of mine moved out within 6m of each other, it was a wrench!

AmethystDeceiver · 23/05/2026 00:01

Mossstitch · 22/05/2026 23:56

Afraid not, one of mine did 6 hour drive on motorway today and I was so grateful of 'last seen' on whatapp as I can see he's alive..........he's nearly 40!😳 I worrry about when I'm dead whose going to look out for them, one has a partner so don’t worry as much about him but others don't have anybody but me and each other and I can't bear the thought of not being here for them.🤦‍♀️

Me too. I worry about not being around to worry for him 😭

Motherhood has made me crazy I think

blythet · 23/05/2026 00:01

Spaghettioverload · 22/05/2026 23:46

I don’t know if it’s true but I’ve always imagined there will be this period of between when they leave home and when they settle down with a stable relationship, job and their own home , that will be very worrisome. I think once they’re settled I’d worry less.

my adult Dd was cheated on and left be her exH. I worry about her mental health, she’s lost a lot of weight and is struggling as a single parent to 3 while working full time with no spare cash. Don’t think the worrying ever stops

absolutebollocks · 23/05/2026 00:00

The worries are fewer, but much bigger.

AmethystDeceiver · 23/05/2026 00:00

No one tells you how hard it is do they, it's all forums and advice about newborn stress and terrible toddler stages, but fuck me the hardest stage has been parenting an adult. Mine is AuDHD which I suspect makes it more challenging, but you are not alone OP. It's really hard 😭

Little kids little worries, big kids big worries just about sums it up!

TobiasForgesContactLense · 22/05/2026 23:58

I feel that I am in the sweet spot at the moment - DS is 10 and in year 5 - I need to find a way to pause time before we hit secondary school and teenage years!

CerseisWig · 22/05/2026 23:56

Oh yes I can relate.

My adult dcs know to keep in contact though. Still doesn't stop me worrying.