Relative took my niece and missed my child's party

While you are talking about the situation-
Childs party, two cousins etc - none of that actually matters.

There is a family dynamic out working here that had you so emotionally volatile when you didn’t get the emotional response you wanted you escalated and then blocked.

You’re now looking for validation and only responding to a few posters who are validating you.

You should be curious - why this person, what about this scenario is triggering, why are you both ignoring and dismissing the parents who were the ones who accepted the invitation but didn’t honour the invitation etc.

You have rejection issues that if you’re not careful you’ll pass onto your kids.

Widen their network and yours. You will all need it if you burn through relationships like this.

Most ppl are inherently selfish. They wouldn’t care it was your child’s bday bc it’s your child not theirs. If they were given the opportunity to have some time to themselves they would have taken it over going to your house and sitting through a dull pre-schooler party. Not everyone is as selfish as this but a lot of ppl put themsleves first at the cost of hurting others and make their half apologised probably not even caring whether they’re actually accepted. Try and enjoy it without them

An overreaction probably when you see her often she probably thought it wasn’t such a major issue given that it was a very small event (not to you though obviously)

I get that but you must not pass that on to your child who is too young to be feeling aggrieved for long.

It's over now, don't make such a big thing out of similar in future. Life is full of disappointments, we cope.

I'm sure your daughter had a lovely birthday and has many more to come.

That.

This is all over a toddlers birthday, how utterly ridiculous. How could you have built that up to be such a big event that was make or break in regards to ‘meaning’ to you. A toddler birthday? It’s not a 21st ffs. Such a huge overreaction and likely an upset child who was only upset due to parent modelling such ridiculous behaviour.

Maybe your sibling is going through something you’re unaware of and that’s why they needed the help? The question is why the relative babysitting couldn’t just come to the party too?

You all sound about 12. You sound jealous and dramatic. Grow up.

You lost my sympathy with this comment about what your relatives do at home. What business of Mumsnet's is it? What business of yours, for that matter?

@Familygal1 this is really the parents fault not the relative’s fault. Even if they had offered to take the kid off the parents hands for a few days, to help them out, the parents should have specified thanks but it can’t be until after so and so’s party.

Them saying they forgot isn’t good enough. You’ve really let them off the hook on this one, when it was them who had originally accepted the invite on their children’s behalf.

It isn’t your family members responsibility to back track on their offer to have the kid because you are unhappy. This is purely the fault of the cousin’s parents.

I understand why you’re upset too. and the child’s parents may have apologised but they sound a bit shit- home all day gaming and their 6yo is ok to stay because they can entertain themselves watching tv? They could have cancelled the trip themselves, they are the parents.

Overly dramatic

I don't know whether you have a family-type relationship with school mums, or have a school mum relationship with family, but for most, those are completely different things.

Dear Lord.
You are going to need therapy to get through school gates/what’s app class groups/ primary school aged parties.
Honestly - unblock and apologise for kicking off.
Blame the hot weather & hormones.
Im a great believer in if you say you will do something then you do it but this is hugely OTT.
Im so glad I was an older mum. I couldn’t hve stood this malarky.

They were rude and dismissive of an arrangement.
It was your childs birthday and you went to some effort.
Of course you are going to feel hurt.

I think you have every right to be very disappointed in their behaviour.

Now you have seen exactly how rude and dismissive they can be, you need to seriously suit yourself going forward.

You’ve had a hard time because you made a giant mountain out of a particularly small molehill. Honestly, OP, I’d hate to see how you deal with actual negative events.

You really did not need to go texting the next day. You had already explained your disappointment and upset. You basically had a temper tantrum.

Totally.

Crikey oh Reilly this is batshit.

Am I right, the person who is getting most of the blame from you is not the parent of the niece who didn't come, but the relative who was asked to babysit her? That seems a bit bonkers if so. Even if she had passed something on to the parents, you don't know whether they would have changed their minds about farming their child out to her. She was just stuck in the middle of this, so I really don't see how it's somehow become all her fault. This is very much a case of Shoot the messenger.

I'd be upset too @Familygal1 and while I probably wouldn't have blocked, I don't think there is anything wrong with addressing your hurt with the persons concerned. As this was a preschoolers party, I don't know why the "going away" couldn't have waited a few hours and been after the party? It seems mean-spirited to deliberately take the child away on the same day as the party, but I'm not clear on whether this was the fault of the parents or the other person.

Either way, it was unkind to just not go to a small child's birthday party, especially when they're a close relative.

They were rude initially yes, but your complete over reaction and nasty comments about the reasons for letting their child go away make you much worse.

Why wasn't this close family member also invited to the birthday party? Or the parents? Toddler parties tend to have the whole family there from both sides, not just the children. Or is that just me that has the adults too?

You over reacted OP. Sure, feel hurt and let down but to do which you did is a little extreme.

Disappointment I understand, and I'd be eye-rolly about the parents, though also understand the desire to some have a toddler free time, as it's a bit rude.

But it's a toddler party and they will have all forgotten about it in a few weeks.

You seem to be making too big a deal of it.

I found out from another family member that she's taking one of the cousins away for a few days and that child won't be attending.

To be clear, before the relative left with my niece, I expressed my upset and disappointment. She told me she understood etc. and admitted that there was no reason for the niece to be going other than it been a break for parents.

I told nieces parents that I was upset and they said they hadn't thought it through, it was last minute and apologised. I was still upset but ultimately I accept this. They didn't know how I felt until it was too late.

I messaged the relative calmly (at first) to get it off my chest. I told her that she could have said something to the parents, especially after seeing my hurt and upset.

They said themselves ' there's no reason she (niece) needs to come with me. What can I do now I've said I'd take her?'

OP, you're scapegoating this relative after they refused to take on this issue between other adults as their own to solve.

The parents knew about the party and had accepted an invitation. They asked another relative to take their youngest away for the weekend and chose not to say anything to you, the person they had committed to. The other relative agreed and then gave you a heads up. That was an opportunity for you and your niece's parents - all grown adults - to sort this out between yourselves. It was not this other relative's job to force any of you to be considerate, to decide who has to attend what commitment, or to otherwise mediate the conflict. They declined to take ownership of something that wasn't their responsibility. And they are continuing to hold that line even as you go on making them the target of your anger while letting the parents off the hook.

Don't blow up your relationship with this other relative or your child's relationship with their cousin over this. Talk to the parents about it if you're still upset, then let it go.