Relative took my niece and missed my child's party

I learned that the best way to resolve these thing is simply to do the same thing back. When it’s her child’s birthday, don’t go. She will learn how it feels when her child’s asking where her cousin is.

It's a kids party that by next year will be eclipsed by next year's party.

You've got quite upset by something that's really not that much of a big deal.
Are you ok? Is there something else going on to cause you stress?

How did family member collect the niece?
I still think your error was seeing this as a party and making a bigger thing of it.

Did the other relatives who could come after work attend? As it's only now when questioned this has been mentioned.

I don’t say this to be a dick but to gently try and give you perspective. There are real, genuine problems in the world. You most likely already have and will go on to face real and genuine problems. This truly isn’t one of them. Protect your peace. Shake this off. Be happy. It’s not a big deal, truly.

My understanding would be ... A relative who mind children a few days a week is going away, she tells parents I won't be around two days next week ( she may even think little impact as you will have them one of those days) they say will you take Child with you ?
Very possible she finds it hard to say no, knowing she leaving them without childcare.
Also parents option is two days without childcare or a child missing a party afternoon. So they opt for v missing the party.
None of these decisions are made to cause issue with you or your child just based on their own family/house hold.
A loose loose for the minder, she has now got in your bag books and ended up having a small child with her on break away

I also think you massively over reacted and trying to justify yourself by saying you are such a better parent than they are isn'thelping. You really need to relax a bit. You are coming across as the difficult person in this whole scenario.

I think this difference in attitude/parenting goes along with their view of it being a more casual get together with cousins.

To you it was a significant event, your own child's birthday, to them it was another casual see the cousins at their house (who they already see frequently in the week anyway) so it doesn't really matter.

You still haven't really said why no other family were invited? The mysterious relative who whisked the niece off for example?

What you planned was a family tea party, but you didn't invite many family? Why is that? The sort of 'party' you hosted usually involves relatives dropping in having cake and playing with the kids.
I think to have a kids party then you needed more children/more of an event. Even if only inviting cousins then a trip out would have been seen as different e.g. you are invited to soft play/trampoline park after school on Friday for Fred's 4th birthday. Food provided after.

Massive over reaction and I say this as someone who tends to get a bit offended at times myself.

If you are having a melty over this, the school years and teens will have you turning to drink and drugs.

<gripemoticon>

You're angry at the wrong person. Be annoyed at the parents. The 3rd party close relative has nothing to do with it.

The fact you blocked her is a but mental. You need to toughen up for your kids sake.

Hahahahaha @Stressedoutmummyof3 I didn’t see your post before I posted and we said the same damn thing at the end.

I kind of get it. I am still slightly miffed that my SIL didn’t bother to bring her kids to my eldest 2nd birthday, and he’s 20 now 😅

However, I didn’t say anything (then or since) because I realised it wasn’t a big deal to anyone other than me. Birthday boy still had a good time because I didn’t make a drama out of it, and I understood that for them it was “popping in for cake and to see your cousin” rather than a major event.

I get that you feel justified, but do you just have family to burn?

Because I’ve lost 95% of mine. If one of the 5% I’ve got left hurts my feelings, I’m an adult, I’ll let it cool down a couple days, we’ll talk it out.
Blocking is an incredibly aggressive action.
It says you no longer have a voice, fuck off.
I would never say that to a family member, no matter how upset I was.

Hey, you got your reasons. You were hurt.

But love, we all hurt. If you take your negative emotions out on other women, it’s going to be a loooooooooong ride on Earth for you.

Unblock. Move on. Stop using blocking as a gallon of kerosene on a tiny campfire.

YABU. Not to feel hurt, most of us would but in the way you've reacted. I know you wanted to celebrate your child's birthday and that's normal but it's important for you, not for other people.
I would be far more angry with the parents than the relative who took the child away. The parents are the one's who said niece would come. They are the one's who said relative could take her away..In the situation you describe I wouldn't block anyone but if I did it would be the parents not the relative.
Everyone seems to have said they know you were pissed off but they can't change the situation. Personally I'd unblock and move on.

OP I think this sounds like an extreme overaction to one child missing from a toddlers party but the hurt and rage makes me think there is a lot more going on here.
When you have calmed down maybe you need to evaluate why this hurt so much.
Are you lonely and maybe need to make some friends rather than rely on family?
Are you depressed? Is there resentment about the way your family treat you and your children?
You do sound genuinely upset but it sounds like the party is just the last straw for you and not an issue in isolation.
Have a good party with the children there. A preschooler only needs a couple of other children there anyway. I had that once with my January child and his older brother and friend played at "putting on a party for little brother" and had a great time.

You are way overreacting to this disappointment and not going to come out of this well. Do you often react like this? It’s quite volatile.

My mum and aunty always say this and I've never heard anyone else say it! What's it from?

Oh dear,
It sounds like you've put a lot of thought and effort into the birthday party, did your kids enjoy it?

What do you mean the relative admitted there was no reason to go apart from child care? They don't need a reason to go away for a couple of nights do they?

I don't want to sound harsh when you're upset, but there isn't really a nice way to ask... why on earth are you shouting at the person you seem to like and see most of in the group? It's the parents choice if they go away or not surely? Was the adult invited to the party aswell? Are they a family member aswell? Sorry if you've answered.

They said they were giving the parents a break, and you said they do childcare, you meet up, the kids obviously like this person aswell. It doesn't sound like anything was done to deliberately hurt your feelings, but I can see why you feel let down.

From what you've described of the parents behaviour, I can't tell if you're lashing out because you're hurt, or if you genuinely think they're shit parents. They shouldn't have double booked the day, but a weekend away is so nice for kids.

I think as soon as you shout or swear in a discussion, or messaging you end up on the back foot straight away. I honestly understand why you feel let down, but try and calm down. Unblock them, because you're going to see them again by the sounds of it and try and think from the relatives POV aswell. She has been told by this kids parents its fine to take her away for the bank holiday weekend. They should have told you if their daughter had a change of plans.

It's extremely bad manners to cancel last minute, or accept a different invitation, but as the host, there's no need for shouting or drama, especially not the next day. Nas this person actually done anything wrong? Your nieces parents accepted the invitation of going away.
The relative is just doing something nice for your niece, and her parents gave it the OK.

Your a judgemental cow. Also get a grib. Your angry someone missed your kids birthday. Your beyond unhinged

I can understand why you were upset but why keep going on about it?

If I had been the relative, I’d have got frustrated too. It’s not their fault, and you had already expressed how you felt the day before.