Page 9 | Lend a Tenner to friend in financial difficulty?

CertaintyOfTides · 2026-05-22T16:15:12+00:00

Hello , So I'd like some outside perspective on this. I've never been one to ask for money and have always paid money,probably taking it too far in fact . For example. Even if it was a £1. So recently I've had a number of unforeseen issues ie . Poorly pets , deaths in the family and on my part , not being 100% thinking clearly . I have a close friend , who we've both described as being like family . I know she has had issues before with lending people large amounts of money and being taken advantage of . She's since told me she never lends money . Last week I found myself about £10 away from trouble bank account wise . I didn't want to ask for money but was desperate and texted her saying I will get paid in 2 days but can you please lend me £10 . And please feel free to say no . At the very least as I thought we were best mates, I expected a text back . Instead, I got absolute radio silence. I then recieved a text thanking me for her birthday card but criticising the present I got her. AIBU to think that lending a close friend £10 for two days, when you have plenty of money and they are struggling should not be a big deal and that they should at least say no. Rather than ignore you . Thanks .

NorthXNorthWest · 22/05/2026 19:57

It’s probably not even the amount of money that would be triggering for her, but the fact you asked in the first place. Maybe the slightly snappy response about the gift came because, from her perspective, you had clearly spent money you could not really afford.

Personally, I would feel uncomfortable if one of my friends felt they needed to buy me a gift they couldn’t afford just to acknowledge our friendship.

AxolotlEars · 22/05/2026 19:52

I wouldn't ever text a request like that. I definitely wouldn't ask someone if they had expressed they don't lend money to friends. I would have responded to you but she may well have felt that you had already run all over a boundary she'd made known to you.
Critising the present is rude but she really could be thrown by the request for money

BerryTwister · 22/05/2026 19:51

You did the one thing you knew she doesn’t want people to do. You asked her for money. She was probably shocked and upset, given how close you are.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 22/05/2026 19:50

A close friend once asked me to lend her a tenner. I did, and asked if she needed more (she didn't).

She paid it back within a few days. I only let her pay it back for HER sake - so that she didn't need to feel like a supplicant. I'd have given her more but it was simply to get her out of a tight spot.

I can't believe the people on here who wouldn't lend a friend £10 as a once-off, if they had it to spare.

myglowupera · 22/05/2026 19:49

Yetone · 22/05/2026 17:45

She was rude to criticise the birthday present but why are you buying presents if you are short of money?
I don’t lend any amount of money that I am not prepared to give but I would give a friend £10.

The friend seems like the type to whinge when people don’t buy them presents, so maybe OP just has one of those exhausting friends and felt a bit backed in to a corner to buy her a present.

shuffleofftobuffalo · 22/05/2026 19:49

She had already stated a boundary, you pushed it. She told you she doesn’t lend money, you should not have asked.

Loloblue · 22/05/2026 19:36

Bloody hell. That's not a friend.

OneNewEagle · 22/05/2026 19:36

SoScarletItWas · 22/05/2026 18:24

I would give anyone who asked a tenner, never mind a close friend. (No, not you, the whole of MN!)

But you knew she never lends. So asking was awkward. Some people ignore rather than have to say no.

Me too . I’ve given £10 or more to strangers many times for drinks or food or clothes from a charity shop. It’s called kindness than you pass around when you can as you never know when you may need some.

fabstraction · 22/05/2026 19:35

I do think that asking people for money, even if you give them an 'out' by saying you understand if they can't, puts them in a tough spot. Saying 'no' is so difficult for many of us.

On the one hand, yes, I would help out a good friend with such a small amount, but on the other hand, if you've been burned, it changes you. You knew how she felt about loaning money, and it feels like you're upset she didn't help you out, so would you honestly have been fine with it if she'd sent a reply in the negative?

All that aside, she shouldn't be criticising your gift. For that reason alone I'd probably back off from this friend.

OneNewEagle · 22/05/2026 19:34

Friends are there to help you through the bad times. It’s not about money, but you asked for £10, I’d have given you £10 and lent you more to keep you going.

to not reply is not a nice friend at all and to then criticise a lovely birthday present. Really nasty.

if I was you I would distance yourself a little from her after this as you are seeing her nastier side.

JMSA · 22/05/2026 19:32

I couldn’t have a friend who is that selfish. I would have lent you the money without hesitation. YANBU.

zingally · 22/05/2026 19:32

If one of my closest friends came begging for a tenner, I'd give her £100, no questions asked, tell her to keep it, and ask what else I could do to help?
Poor you.
Granted, I'm not the richest kid in town, but I'd give the clothes off my back if it kept my closest friends out of trouble.

BlackCat14 · 22/05/2026 19:32

What did she say to criticise the gift? I’d probably be more annoyed about that if I were you.

Original poster

CertaintyOfTides · 22/05/2026 19:30

BudgetBuster · 22/05/2026 19:26

What did her "quite ungrateful text" actually say though

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She didn't like the colours. Wouldn't use it , as it didnt go with her interior of her house and it scared her ! Which is quite a reaction to ( in my opinion) a pretty , outside lantern for the garden .

OP posts:

BudgetBuster · 22/05/2026 19:26

CertaintyOfTides · 22/05/2026 19:12

Thank you for everyone's responses so far .
I shall try to elaborate on a few points .
We have known each other since childhood and I have never asked or needed help before. I did not create this thread to " bitch about her." As one poster has said .

I am genuinely confused as she is a kind , beautiful person .
I was feeling torn as on the one hand I thought ( and she said also ) how supportive we are to each other. At first I was fine and I do absolutely accept her boundaries and feel it is right that she has them .
But it was the lack of reply that shocked me slightly . As she always said she could be honest with me .
So actually it feels like a lack of trust towards me .

Her birthday things were ordered a few days earlier . At the time I had £100 and spent £25.
In my head , I thought , yes I am spending a quarter of my money on Lucy( made up name.) However, as I don't have any family and she is like family , I felt she was worth that to me.

So then ,when I got radio silence and then, what felt like, quite ungrateful birthday text I did feel hurt .

What did her "quite ungrateful text" actually say though

Uricon2 · 22/05/2026 19:21

When a very close friend was widowed young, I made a serious offer of £10K from my savings if she needed it, before everything was sorted.

Can't imagine a friend not lending a tenner to another, unless they really didn't have it.

Original poster

CertaintyOfTides · 22/05/2026 19:18

TreesandGreen · 22/05/2026 19:11

It's not that friendship and money are interlinked. It's more that friendship and helping friends get through a difficult patch are linked.

That could look like different things; but in this instant it meant lending £10. To me, seeing a friend potentially get overdrawn and charged (I presume that was OPs circumstance) when that could be avoided by my helping out with a tenner, would be unthinkable to me.

In addition, I find tightness with money a very unpleasant trait.

Edited

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Thank you . Your post captures my feelings exactly.

OP posts:

teenagedirtbag1990 · 22/05/2026 19:17

I would. Give £10.00

bugalugs45 · 22/05/2026 19:17

I’d give most people £10 , even those I didn’t know particularly well, but I could afford to lose it , and if you ‘ done me over ‘ and didn’t pay it back then I’ve lost a tenner ( and potentially a friend but with morals like that is it a loss ? ) . She sounds tight and I’ve zero time for anyone who’s tight .

OrangeMochaFrappuccino · 22/05/2026 19:16

Itsanewdawnitsanewdayitsanewlife4me · 22/05/2026 17:29

What was the present? What was her criticism?

More importantly, how much was the present? More or less than £10.

Gallusoldbesom · 22/05/2026 19:13

Good god, some people. If a friend of mine was desperate for £10 and had never asked before I’d give them £50 and not want repaid. This person is not a friend and don’t buy them a birthday present ever again.

Original poster

CertaintyOfTides · 22/05/2026 19:12

Thank you for everyone's responses so far .
I shall try to elaborate on a few points .
We have known each other since childhood and I have never asked or needed help before. I did not create this thread to " bitch about her." As one poster has said .

I am genuinely confused as she is a kind , beautiful person .
I was feeling torn as on the one hand I thought ( and she said also ) how supportive we are to each other. At first I was fine and I do absolutely accept her boundaries and feel it is right that she has them .
But it was the lack of reply that shocked me slightly . As she always said she could be honest with me .
So actually it feels like a lack of trust towards me .

Her birthday things were ordered a few days earlier . At the time I had £100 and spent £25.
In my head , I thought , yes I am spending a quarter of my money on Lucy( made up name.) However, as I don't have any family and she is like family , I felt she was worth that to me.

So then ,when I got radio silence and then, what felt like, quite ungrateful birthday text I did feel hurt .

OP posts:

nomas · 22/05/2026 19:11

Was there nowhere else you could have asked? Bank overdraft, credit card, mum, dad, grandma?

I would have asked anyone except the person who told me they never lend money.

TreesandGreen · 22/05/2026 19:11

sonjadog · 22/05/2026 18:58

I find the idea that as she didn't the OP the money, she can't be a real friend rather distasteful. Like friendship and giving money are interlinked. I also find the comments on her being well-off and not missing it rather calculating. Like she is being assessed as a money-bank. I would rather say that she can absolutely be a good friend and also choose never to give anyone any money at all, no matter what her finances are.

It's not that friendship and money are interlinked. It's more that friendship and helping friends get through a difficult patch are linked.

That could look like different things; but in this instant it meant lending £10. To me, seeing a friend potentially get overdrawn and charged (I presume that was OPs circumstance) when that could be avoided by my helping out with a tenner, would be unthinkable to me.

In addition, I find tightness with money a very unpleasant trait.

Whyherewego · 22/05/2026 19:10

BerryTwister · 22/05/2026 18:14

You know she’s been ripped off in the past. She’s very upset and sensitive about it, to the extent that she’s made it known she’ll never lend money again. You’re a good friend and you know all this. But you asked her anyway. I expect she was pissed off, and chose silence rather than expressing her anger.

She shouldn’t have criticised the present though, but you’ve not been clear on the context. Was she saying that you shouldn’t have bought her a present if you were skint?

Agree with this. I have loaned people money in the past but now really hate when those same people ask again and again. They do pay it back but I dislike being asked. If your friend went as far as to tell you this. Honestly it's rude to have asked and I bet she didnt know what to reply.
The present rudeness on her part us a separate issue IMHO