Lend a Tenner to friend in financial difficulty?

I think it was mean for her to criticize your generous gift while not even responding to your request. Given that she didn't like your gift, I would suggest you never get her a gift again.

You could also save money in future by not getting her a birthday card ever again, but maybe that's a little overboard. (I will say, cards seem expensive nowadays!)

I’m a big “ne’er a borrrower nor a lender be” but would certainly lend £10 to a struggling friend. However I can (now) easily afford to do so - I just wonder whether your friend is similarly short so felt that given previous conversations this was a stressful request that she couldn’t deal with?

And I'm sure she was referring to more important sums and not 10£ !

Could the criticism of the present be a very cack handed attempt at giving you a reason to get a refund and thereby solving the issue of the tenner? Solving your problem without relaxing her boundary? Although if it were me I'd give you the tenner on this occasion and only give it more thought if you came back for more, or too quickly. Could it have been a panic response as the question, especially from you, was unexpected? Although why she couldn't have had an actual conversation about it I don't know........

Probably shouldn't have text. A call may have gone down better.

I would guarantee that she has had other friends who started asking for £10, paid it back and then the amounts increased.
Other than my daughters, twice in my life have I had a friend where money made a huge difference. In those cases I gave them what I could, being really clear it was a gift and I did not want to repaid. They never asked then or again. I've got the odd bit of shopping etc.
I think you probably need to reflect that this is not a reflection on you or your relationship but based on her lived experience

Just say “that’s a shame, I really thought you would like it. Never mind, my mistake. However, as you are not able to use it, it would be as shame to leave it gathering dust in the shed; please return it to me so I can send it back/use it myself, pass it on.” If you’re feeling mischievous, you could always replace it with a crisp £10 note in an envelope. 😬

Yeah yanbu and she's crazy for criticising a lantern

I’ve never been asked for money from a friend and never asked friends for money either. That’s what family is for.

I think it’s a tricky situation.

On the face of it, it’s £10, and I would give that to any friend who needed it.

BUT she has been taken advantage of in the past and she has already explicitly said that as a way to avoid that in future she will not lend money, so you knew her stance and I think that’s fair enough. I suppose the other worry, and it has happened to my husband before, is that once you give £10 the person then wants £20, or £30, next time it’s £100. Saying no from the start prevents that from happening and “no” is a much more clear and easy boundary then getting into the murky waters of when to start saying no as the amounts inevitably start creeping up once you’re seen as an option to lend from.

Obviously everyone who asks to borrow money says they'll pay you back.
She'll have heard that before.
I expect she was a shocked and hurt to be asked as OP was to be blanked.

No she wouldn't because she was going to pay her back.

I would just give my friend £10, as i dont lend money either! Leads to nothing but trouble trying to get it back. However, if you were in genuine need you could just have it!

I get she's been burnt, I've actually had an awkward time getting money back too, and because of it my general philosophy is same as your friend's. BUT as I say it's general It would extend to acquaintances and loose friends, or people who've burnt me already. Never a close friend or family. You have never asked and now all you needed was a tenner, I think it's pretty poor and mean of your friend not to help out.

I would sympathise with you, except for that she's told you she never lends money. She's been hurt that way before.
So you overstepped a known, previously explained, boundary.

Guilt tripping about the birthday present (yes, she was rude) won't work. Don't give people presents you can't afford. Just don't. It's not a present, it's a burden. Someone used to do it to me, and I dreaded and I had to be very plain and blunt to make it stop.

I'd give you the money, wouldn't ask for it back.

If any one of my friends ever needed £10, especially one who had never asked/borrowed money from me before, I wouldn’t hesitate to give (not lend) them the money.

She’s not a friend and the lack of grace over her birthday gift just underscores that.

But she is massively unreasonable to criticise the present

I actually am on your friends side here. She already told you her boundaries, she’s been burned in the past and won’t lend money anymore. You ignored that boundary and asked her for money.

You spent £25 on her present then asked her for £10 back to be lent to you . I know how things change quick and I know these things happen out of the blue but I would wonder how a friend could buy me a gift then say they need money.

I have been the person to lend £5, £10 or £20’s here and there and been burned so now I just don’t. I don’t mind buying people coffees or lunch out as me and friends might take it in turns but I would feel awkward if someone asked me for money as I’ve been a mug too many times before x

I would say take the ten and keep it but dont ever ask me again. That’s the price.

criticising the present I got her.

She is NOT your friend.

In fact, she's a bitch. Ungrateful too.

There is no way I would’ve not leant a friend a tenner .. I have given more to a street beggar..

I think once she criticised the gift I’d have asked for it back so I could return it!