Lend a Tenner to friend in financial difficulty?

I've 'lent' money to people and never got it back, but I don't lend and expect it back as folk rarely do the decent thing.

I don't know OP, I guess desperate to ask but she has been burned before and said she'd never do it again. I probably would've just given you a tenner if a good mate. Was there nobody you could have asked instead?

She was rude over the present though, sod that!

The answer is "No" until she says "Yes".

How many people did you ask? How often do you ask people to lend you money?

You are telling us you can't afford food and heating and yet you waste £25 on a piece of rubbish for a friends birthday and then ask the same friend to lend you money. It doesn't make sense.

You need to prioritise food and heating over birthday presents. Next year bake her a nice cake and save your money for essentials.

Yanbu.
I'd be rethinking any notion of that being a close friend.
10k yes.
But £10? Thats really sad.
Invest in other friends, she's a dud.

Only on mumsnet could the most mundane of stories turn into troll hunting my god.

I'd be upset too OP. If a friend asked if I could lend them a tenner, I'd give it over and wouldn't expect it back. I guess I'm lucky that a tenner is just a tenner.

This is all a bit odd. Who is the person that unbeknownst to you sent you the money? And how did they know you needed it?

The story details keep to seem evolving a bit.. In a favour of op, of course...

You should have spent £15 on her birthday present, not £25, then you wouldn't have had needed to ask her for £10.

You don't need to spend more than you can afford on presents for anyone. People who genuinely care for you will be happy with a small token if they know you are struggling financially.

I would be very happy with a box of chocolates or a home made cake from someone who didn't have much money. It's the thought that counts.

I would be pissed off with someone who spent too much on my birthday present and then asked me to lend them money.

Well, if youre friends and would expect one another to be there for eachother then no, you dont really lend to one another.

For example. My best mate.
Fuck! The last bus has just left and i am not on it. Me: im in my pyjamas and im not coming out. Whats the uber gonna cost? ...sends it.
Me- im running late, can u get my ticket from the machine? Ill give you the £££- they reply: you get beers?

If my friend needed a tenner and i had it, itd be theirs withouy question and its bloody sad you didnt even get a response.

No answer is still an answer. In this case "No" which you told her to feel free to say. It sounds like she is pissed off that you asked.

She has explained that she doesn't lend money. Whether she has plenty of money or very little is irrelevant. She is your friend, not your personal money lender.

I have not found this to be the case, and I'd be a few thousand better of it was!
I'm with OP's friend, I'm not lending money again. In my experience, it changes the whole relationship.

At first it seemed the crossing of a clear boundary was the issue, but reading further about the fact that she recently said she would break that for you, I think it’s perhaps you then asking so soon after. If it were me and as soon as I let my guard down for a friend, they fairly immediately jumped on that offer, it wouldn’t leave a good feeling.

She’s not your friend. A true genuine friend wouldn’t bat an eyelid and would transfer £10 different if you had asked for £1000.

Yes me too for my closest friends . It’s only flipping money. And Îm not rhe richest ( nor the poorest either)

Because its playing the victim
The circumstances created when she asked her friend who had clearly stated a boundary.

The friend has her reasons, its not for any of us to question because we only set our own boundaries

Op I know someone just like this and there way of saying no is just blanking the text. Could you return the gift and get your money back then let her have to ask you for the money. I get people don’t lend money but sometimes this situation is a desperate one and if you don’t ask as a rule she should have realised you were desperate and would never have asked in the first place. You are obviously more of her friend than she is yours. No one tells the friend the gift isn’t any good especially after knowing you were skint very insensitive of her.

Unless you were always asking, as a good friend, I would just be happy to give you the tenner, OP.
If you honestly haven’t been taking the piss and this is the first time you’ve ever asked, and she hasn’t got her own issues, you are not good friends.

I meant this post

I think that is a rather harsh post. Maybe OP genuinely felt those things. Why assume she was being manipulative? You don't know her innermost thoughts.

It wouldn't have occurred to me to think she was being manipulative 🤷‍♀️

My lovely Irish Mum taught me that what ever you give to a person in need comes back to you threefold.
I gave £20 once (that I couldn't really afford to give) to a lady crying in the street outside the closed food bank.
Next day I won £60 on the staff lottery. 🙂

If a friend messaged me asking to borrow £10 and I had it, I would lend it.
They wouldn’t even have to be a super good friend, I would like to think that most people on finding out a friend needs help would offer it, if they had it spare.
Her message about your birthday is just downright rude….. I would be reevaluating the friendship personally.

All of this plus,Op did the classic victim manipulation by saying friend doesnt trust her
She said no
Respect her reasons why