Lend a Tenner to friend in financial difficulty?

You saying 'it's not a big deal' as you're struggling and she can afford it is precisely the reason so many people feel entitled not to pay money back and that then creates an awkward situation.

Everyones full of promises when asking for the money. Then it's radio silence on the day they're supposed to pay it back then if you ask for it it's:

'it's only a tenner'
'You don't need it'
'you know i'm going through a hard time so i'm surprised by you asking for it back'
'well I don't have it now because when I got paid X happened and I needed to pay for that'
'I have bills to pay which are more important'
'yeah I was on SM showing off my new bag when i haven't paid you back but i've felt so low lately I didn't think a real friend would begrudge me having something nice'

All quotes taken from real life situations.

Your friend doesn't lend money because she's been burned before and knows it'll be the death knell of the entire friendship to get in the situation above because it isn't 'just a tenner', it's being taken advantage of.

The fact she’s repeatedly mentioned how she wouldn’t lend money again, suggests she perhaps knew this would be on the cards at some point.

Don’t buy presents when you’re short of money. I’d rather have no present than lend money.

I think the worry with it being just a tenner, is that that would just be the start of it, and she’s been there before.

Sometimes apologising when you have not done anything wrong is the only way to move forward. I know many on here won’t agree with me, so let’s agree to differ in advance.

Like others have said, I would have given you the tenner, because I could spare that, especially for a friend.

To be honest, I’d probably give it if I had it in cash (admittedly unlikely) if anyone asked me on the street. I have too much empathy.

And I know some beggars are cheats or would spend it on booze/drugs but I’d rather give to that than to unknowingly deny someone in true need.

And to just ignore your request is pretty mean, though you did put her in a tricky position and she had told you her stance. Though again if she had said you would be an exception then that is mixed messages.

I think I’d have to raise it with her, face to face. Not easy but you’ll hold it against one another otherwise. If she sticks to her stance, all you can do is take the high road and apologise.

For £10 I would just give it and not expect it back. I never lend money as a matter of principal.

You knew they had a personal boundary and you didn't respect it. And put them in an awkward position.

You were in the wrong and being pissy they didn't reply is wrong.

Stop the gifts, for 2 reasons one she is an ungrateful madam and two, if u find urself in such a precarious financial situation then you shouldn't be buying them. It is her perogative not to lend money, but I think if someone asked me for tenner my immediate thought would be it must be for essentials

To me, its a no brainer. Of course I would. Even if Id be burt before, which I have, I still would for £10.
I just wouldn't repeatedly lend money but a one off, yeah.

If it was a grand id be taking her side but its a tenner yanbu

I don't lend people money either. I had a bad experience with it so I just don't go there. I equally never ask friends for money either.

However, her being rude about your gift was very nasty behaviour and I'd probably distant myself for that alone.

I agree with PP's who say they'd lend £10 to a friend and I would too but my close friends would no ask this. You knew she didn't want to lend money, asked her, said feel free to say no, and clearly the answer is no. It is rude to not reply but it was arguably a bit rude to ask and maybe she thinks you know her position regarding lending money.

I think if you ask a friend for money, it’s crossing a new boundary and tends to redefine the relationship in a new way.

If it were me, I’d give you the tenner but I would also be worried this was the start of something. If your friend had been burned in the past, I can totally understand why she wouldn’t want to go there.

So, she has told you she doesn't lend except that she might make an exception for you, and then a short time after she told you, there you are with your hand out asking for money? For someone who has been badly burned before, I can see that would feel like quite the concidence there. It may well have really only been ten pounds for a couple of days, but doesn't every lending story start that way? No-one starts off with lend me hundreds and I won't bother paying you back. Her reaction to your present might be that she is both annoyed that you are spending money you don't have on presents, and that you are pushing her clear boundaries.

Now you are complaining about how much money she has and how it wouldn't be a problem for her to share it with you, so you do have an expectation that she should fund you. Maybe the best thing to do is to accept that this friend is not and will not be a money-bank for you in the future. If that is important for you in a friend, then leave this friendship and focus on the friend who gave you the money.

I think she may have been annoyed especially as she may have thought you could get a cheaper present, but you are clearly desperate and in a tough situation and it’s tough to make decisions when we are highly stressed.

next time let the other person know the gift will be late and send a nice card or similar.

Her reaction to your present is unkind and unnecessary.

So you already know she never lends money.

Despite this, you asked her to lend you money.

She didn’t lend you any money.

You’re offended.

YABVU!

I doubt the friend is upset.... it was £10 not £100. For 2 days... until OP got it back. Stop following others on the thread and being so bloody extreme! All this drama for £10.... you need to end the friendship @CertaintyOfTides

If a good friend asked for £10, and this was someone who’d never asked for money before, I’d give it to them. Not loan but give. If it were feasible I’d give them more just to ensure they had enough to get by.

I completely understand not lending to repeat askers or to people who are constantly getting themselves into avoidable financial problems, but for a good friend asking for the first time I’d help without question.

I'm a bit shocked how unpleasant some posters are being towards the OP.
She said at the beginning that she's been through a tough time.
You can disagree, put forward a different viewpoint, but still be polite and pleasant.

I would give a tenner to a stranger (except a begger/ druggie type) and ask for them to repay me by being kind to someone in need in their future.
Your friend was communicating that she doesn't wish for you to buy her gifts in future and leave yourself short and that she still doesn't ever lend money. She was very rude in how she communicated that to you.

I would think that she felt quite upset that you even asked her. Especially as she had told you she doesn’t lend money. She would’ve felt like you don’t listen to her or take her seriously and I guess she felt quite annoyed with you which she then projected onto the gift that you gave her. This isn’t about the money this is about her feeling that you haven’t taken on board what she said, and she said that because she’s been hurt before when she’s lent money.

She sounded very rude about the present, I don’t think she’s much of a friend?

Also, I really, really, really wouldn’t want a present from someone who doesn’t have much money.

I hope your pets are all ok now

I think you should have replied ok sorry you didn’t like it, I’ll have it back thanks if it’s that upsetting.

then do your own radio silence

I think YABU

She has been used before in the past for money and explained she won't lend money again.

So it's understandable she is upset that you asked.

In this instance if it was a very close friend or family of mine i would have lent the cash.

But for friends I would evaluate the relationship and see if it was right for me or not.

You can’t afford clothes & heating but you had £100 spare when you bought her present? Nothing about your post make sense. Why did the subject of the birthday crop up? Did she randomly bring it up? Couldn’t you have tried your bank first- overdraft extension etc?

I've lent friends a lot more than that and I hope if any of them were struggling for want of a tenner they would come to me rather than take out a payday loan or something.

Saying that, when I was 19 I lent a feckless colleague a few hundred pounds (very stupid of me) and he didn't pay me back until my male housemates, who knew him well, got annoyed on my behalf and put pressure on him. So now, I never lend more than I wouldn't be prepared to give as a gift. And I would absolutely gift a tenner to a good friend.