Lend a Tenner to friend in financial difficulty?

Oh and it always starts as just £10, then they get their foot in the door and its non stop.

Yeah CF ALWAYS call others selfish for not handing over cash on demand
I dont discuss money with anyone other than my DH and adult DC, it never comes to any good as you attract entitled people who cant manage money.
The greedy always say I would lend to you, but they never do as they never have any money 😂

£10 doesn't sound like much to ask to borrow, even if she has had previous issues with people not repaying. Did she maybe miss your message? Sounds strange they she just didn't acknowledge it at all.

Actually it is. It is a very powerful message of silence. She told you previously she didn't lend money, her silence in response to your text was your 'no' answer.

If she doesn’t say yes, then it’s a no.

Silence is absolutely a no.

Obviously we don’t know the full circumstances and I have a rule of not lending people money but if you’ve been best friends for 35 years and you’ve never asked before, then I would have definitely lent you it.

I find it odd that she was rude about your gift and then wouldn’t lend you a tenner - I think there’s something bigger going on and sounds like she’s trying to back off from the friendship.

Dump her. That's not a friend. I had problems once when living with my ex. My friend (who has since sadly died) came into my office for a chat and found me sad & tearful and asked me what on earth was wrong. I explained my situation and straight away she asked for my bank details & transferred £200 without question nor demands. She saved the day & got it straight back on payday, now THAT's a true friend.

did you miss this part? she HAS lent people sums of money before and hasn't got it back! "I know she has had issues before with lending people large amounts of money and being taken advantage of"

I think unless you've been in the friends position it's hard to understand how it feels. I had people borrow money from me loads of times when I was in my 20's. I had a friend who'd come over and have a takeaway but just say she'd owe us for the food and then also beg for a lift home as she had no money for the bus home either. Another friend that used to just say can you get the bill and I'll pay you back, they didn't let on that they had no money and meant in about a month's time. A boyfriend that would just ask me to pay for stuff until he got paid that ended up owing me £1500 and took months to pay it back. Another friend who ran out of money on holiday so I lent her a few hundred pounds for the remaining days. I ended having to keep track of everything I lent out or I'd still be owed over £2000. It's also annoying having to keep asking for your money back off people.

You end up feeling taken advantage of and like a cashpoint! Every single one of those examples was someone doing something they couldn't afford and just expecting someone else to bail them out. I'm sorry but that's exactly why they were needing to ask for money. They should have just not come for the meal, not gone to the corner shop or not gone on holiday. People with thousands in the bank wouldn't have that if they gave money to everyone who asked, they're often in that position because they're good with money and think ahead. By mid 30s I don't get asked for money often or at least it's paid back within a couple of days but I'd be reluctant to start doing it more regularly again.

Admittedly I'd probably have just given you £10 but maybe it just brought back all the memories of times she's been taken advantage off. You might be better asking her for financial advice to get you on track rather than for actual money, she might be able to help your whole situation rather than bail you out before you run out again in future. She'd probably tell you to hold some money back so you don't run out, so don't spend any of your last £50-£100. No birthday present would have been a good idea, I'd rather a friend didn't get into debt buying a gift they can't afford.

There are two types of people in the world - some are generous and compassionate about other human beings and others are extremely selfish and lack any kind of empathy. This thread is a perfect example of that. I take it you are a caring, compassionate type that would help a friend, your 'friend' is not. It says a lot about her and I suggest you put a healthy wall up - no more gifts.

An adult shouldn't be £10 from disaster. That's what an overdraft is for. You need to sort your finances OP

I think that she probably values the friendship and lending money to a friend can escalate and ruin a friendship…. Whilst I would take the risk… once you have done it once you are likely to ask again and so the slippery slope starts. I honestly think she has probably saved your friendship.

The present was bought before Op had the unexpected car bill though. And as the Op says it's quite tricky to find meaningful gifts below a certain amount. Buying crap for the sake of it is just as wasteful.

I think all this "lending" angst is inappropriate. I would give my friend a tenner and not worry about it being repaid.
The radio silence was uncalled for. I'm guessing Lucy thinks you are bad with money and this is her disapproval.
Don't lose the friendship but don't spend any money on or near her. No coffees out, just an inexpensive, interesting coloured nail varnish as her gift next year.

At uni I was once in a similar position. My 2 close friends came from homes very much more financially stable than mine. I just needed £5 to buy some essentials and would have paid it back within days, when I was going to receive some money into my bank account.
Neither of them would lend it. They made me feel guilty for asking, quoting ‘never a lender nor a borrower be’. They were both very committed Christians and their judgment of me was one of the reasons I eventually saw through the hypocrisy of the church and Christianity.

You shouldn’t have asked to borrow £10 from her. She set her boundaries after being taken advantage of in the past and you ignored that by asking to borrow money. It’s made worse by the fact you asked to do this around the time of her birthday. How can you be buying a birthday gift for her and then asking to borrow a tenner from her? Talk about bad timing. Do you not have other friends that you can ask for help if you’re in a tight spot?

If I wanted to borrow money, I would not make a request via text message - I'd call them or ask in person.

You're not best mates. Not even close.
Not only was your request ignored, she then criticized a gift you gave her. She looks down on you @CertaintyOfTides
FWIW no one is responsible for loaning you any amount of money, large or small. But, this "friend" is also a bit of a bitch.

It was 10 pounds between apparently best friends. Then to add insult to injury insults the gift, knowing your hardship. She’s not a friend she’s a bitch. Ditch her . Hope you’re in a better spot . Take the gift back she wasn’t happy with and get a refund.

You knew she had a red line of never lending money, yet you still asked. I'm not surprised she ignored you. She had no wish to offend you.

The only time I have ever had a "friend" ask to borrow money, I didn't get it back. So now I generally don't lend money if someone asks either, but I know my close friends would never ask. The one occasion I have had to borrow money, it was to get me home, and was paid back within a couple of hours.

That saId, I have offered to lend my dsis £3k from my house deposit because I knew she needed it for something important. She accepted, and paid me back over two years.

I'd give my friends £10 without hesitation.

Asking for money is the issue. Whether she has plenty of money or not is none of your business.

You say she isn't hurting for money, which I am not either. If anyone close to me asked to borrow a tenner I wouldn't even think I am lending it to them as I wouldn't be thinking about needing it back. Having said that people have weird and very different relationships with money.

A tenner is absolutely nothing for a good friend who has never asked before. To hell with “red lines”. It’s a big leap from that to lending escalation but if the friend clearly couldn’t cope over time I’d direct them to a good debt advice charity to help them sort things out.

She’s obviously been triggered by your request and feels disrespected by you asking given her past bad experiences and the fact that she explicitly told you that lending money was a red line for her. I have lent lots of money to friends and even work colleagues that I manage in order to bridge various things (four figure sums) so would never act like your friend but clearly it is a source of anxiety for her for some reason.

I would have just given you a tenner. I gave twenty to the local homeless guy when he was sat outside the supermarket. However, I can understand that she's been burned and maybe that's how it started? A tenner here and there, then next thing a lot is owed or requested, and she never gets it back. She probably wants to avoid that slippery slope she's experienced before, preserve the friendship and remembers she's told you that she doesn't lend money. It was still rude of her to criticise your gift though.

For a good friend who we would know is on hard times, then yes we would gift the request plus a bit extra and a food parcel from home and chuck in a couple of beers or wine if we knew that’s what they liked as well.

we have done it for a former employee although in the end he was taking the p*ss and not showing up for work, so we stopped that. He ended up messaging earlier this year asking for a loan ( haven’t seen him since September) which I didn’t respond to..

so it depends on the person and scenario.

in your case we would have gladly helped.

I think you shouldn’t have bought her the present and that money should have gone into a savings buffer as it seems you don’t have one. Of course sometimes emergency happens and it seems you are not prepared for it or what you do have isn’t enough.

As far as her attitude, she was a bit mean with not replying . She was probably wondering why you could spend on a gift but then ask to borrow . I probably would have given it . But would have been pissed off .