Lend a Tenner to friend in financial difficulty?

Hmmm I think its highly likely the friend knows the full story
Quite a specific thing to say " I dont lend money"

Totally unreasonable. I had a best friend (we were very close and even lived together for a time) who started off with requests for £10 here, £5 there, pack of cigarettes, money for some food, it escalated to paying for electric/phone to stop it getting cut off. Always promised to pay me back, until he didn’t.
When I finally told him to fck off, he owed me £3000 and a new couch! Never saw that again.
So no, she isn’t being unreasonable. She’s protecting herself and probably pissed off you even put her in that situation. To you it’s only a tenner, but how often will you need a tenner. And if your £10 down one month, it’s more likely you’ll need £20 extra next month.

She is not your friend!

You disregarded the clear boundaries put in place by your friend:
" I know she has had issues before with lending people large amounts of money and being taken advantage of . She's since told me she never lends money".

Yet despite being told she never lends money, you seem to think that 'never' somehow doesn't apply to you. And given that you were able to get a tenner off someone else, you were massively unreasonable to have asked the friend in the first place. It becomes not so much about £10 but not respecting your friend and the boundaries she's put in place

normally I’d say Yanbu, but, I have a friend who Is chronically skint; and a lot
of it is her own making.

she often forgets her purse or lets someone else pick up the tab and “I’ll pay you back later” and hints for stuff all the time: it can get wearing if someone is always borrowing

That's awful of your friend.
I couldn't sleep knowing a friend of mine was worrying about a bill or being short of food, etc. I don't get why anyone wouldn't lend a small amount of money to a friend.... If they're your friend, they will pay you back some time in the future. If they don't pay you back when they have money, well, lesson learned, and you realise that they probably weren't your friend anyway.

About a year ago, I had a message on Facebook from a friend who I used to go out partying with when I was an older teenager. I'm now in my mid-thirties. I hadn't seen him in about 17 years. He asked for some money, and I could tell that he hated it, but he didn't know who to turn to. I lent him about £30.
I assumed I wouldn't get it back, but he messaged me a few months later when he was in hospital, And then he died a few months later. I'm so glad I lent him that money and showed kindness to him at his worst.

A lot of people like to get presents for themselves...rather than something for the house.

I’ve had really bad experiences with lending money I’ve never got back. I am now like your friend and since you know this about her, you shouldn’t have asked.

Shes been ripped off before so made a decision not to lend money again. You were well aware of this so you shouldn't have asked.
Put money away for emergencies so you always have a back up

The pets would be the deal breaker for me. I would lend you to feed your kids but not if you are spending on pets.

Op said her friend doesn’t lend money after people didn’t payback “large” amounts. Regardless of whether you have it or not £10 is nothing. Less than minimum wage.
Even if Op never repaid it, her friend wouldn’t miss it,
Ghosting your friends calls is just rude and childish. A simple “ sorry I can’t you know my thoughts on lending money” was all that was required.
This isn’t bitching, it’s an anonymous place to get thoughts and opinions,

Agree
Essentially its the context that Op keeps ignoring

Unwise decision in an already tight financial situation,lack of accountability and boundary pushing

Vs

Your share is £10, its my turn to get the coffees etc

Context is everything

The "it's just a tenner".
I just tallied some "just a tenner"s over the years I can remember before loan ban and it's bloody nice large dining table worth.
Just a tenner....
Pretty sure lots of" just a tenner"s here who would arrive to considerable numbers too

“In terms of those people who never lend money. Are you saying if you had a lift from a friend or a takeaway you would pay them in advance? From my point of view friendship has give and take and trust involved.”

I’m not sure this is the same. If I was going to a friends for a takeaway, I would have the cash ready to pay the person straightaway. I wouldn’t agree to the takeaway if didn’t have the means to pay for it. If the friend requested the money upfront, that would be fine also.

Yes, friendship does have to be give and take, such as taking turns to buy coffee.

I think you need to let this go now @CertaintyOfTides
She said no, you pushed, she said no again
No amount of mental gymnastics about who is right/ wrong and drip feeds is going to change that.
Work on your finances
If £10 is crunch point for you ( and I appreciate people count every penny )then please consider why you are spending £25 on a birthday gift when you have no rainy day fund to fall back on.
In that situation I would send a nice card or a card and a plant.
Im wondering if there is a back story of unwise financial decision making , your friend is aware and has rather clumsily tried to put you off buying her gifts .

Focus on and prioritise yourself, build a small emergency fund so that your friendships arent vulnerable to collapse over money.
Its a common theme in codependent female friendships

You asked her to give you money knowing she doesn't do that, pushed her to answer when she didn't respond so she said no, and now you are bitching about her and how she should have just given it to you because she has so much money on an international website. I would say she is right to be distrustful about you.

Are you sure she criticised your present or the fact that you sent her a present when you don’t have £10 available?

Surely, if you are that hard up, you don’t give people presents and then ask them to borrow a tenner! Any friend would understand.

As she is not happy with her present, I would ask her to return it to you. Then do not buy her anything else in the future. If you value her frienship let it go, but be wary of things in the future. Once bitten twice shy.

You make it sound weirdly transactional for a friendship... I wouldn't really consider that "lending money" ... Just a cyclical thing, I get the takeaway this time, you get it next time. If I couldn't afford to do that I wouldn't offer. And vice versa.

PlutarchHeavensbee Best answer. It’s horrible I know from personal experience but that’s the rule ‘never a lender or borrower be’

I’d give you a tenner personally. In her defence she made it very clear before you asked her that she’s done with lending money to people. so it was awkward for you both for you to ask. She has set a boundary. As others have said she prob felt uncomfortable about saying no. I hope you sorted out the £ to tide you over. Unfortunately lending money came between her and others in the past and now it’s come between you and your friend. I would try and come back from this and respect her decision not to lend money. You asked after she’d made her position clear.

No i wouldn't pay in advance for a lift or takeaway but I would pay immediately after where possible. My friend will order food for lunch and I'll just transfer it straight over on my banking app sometimes before the food has even arrived. When someone knows you have the means to pay them back it's a very low risk to them. If you delay paying them back then they'll learn not to lend money to you.

Temporarily lending money for something you can already afford is a very different situation though, you wanted to borrow money that you couldn't immediately pay back.

I ordered the present online a few days earlier . I then had an expected bill.

And the bill requires payment within 2 days?

This all seems very strange and if it's an unexpected bill then why are you only down ten quid? surely if you are only down 10 pounds you could set up a repayment plan for the bill as you have it all apart from the last £10?