Lend a Tenner to friend in financial difficulty?

If you are annoyed then take a step back from the friendship. But I don't really agree with lending or borrowing money from friends.

I’d give a friend a tenner.
I sometimes lend a friend £100 to see her through to pay day. She always pays me back. She has found herself in difficult circumstances so if I can help, I always will.

Hardly relevant

If you’re someone who is constantly short of money, I guess that she could be worried that it will turn into a habit. I can imagine that this is a strategy used by some. Ask for a small amount first, pay it back, and then start asking for more…

Lend a tenner to my friend? No. I’d give it them.

Tbh, I would never ask anyone for money unless they were my partner or immediate family (i.e. parent)

However, a tenner is less than the cost of cocktail these days. If it’s someone you would buy a drink for, why not give them a tenner if they need it?

People are selfish!!! I have lent friends hundreds and always got it back. I have also borrowed the same. Last month i was tight and DS desperately needed new school and I needed the weekly shop. Borrowed £120 from friend, paid it back 10 days or so later

Also, a tenner when youre good mates?? Wouldnt even ask for it back

I find the idea that as she didn't the OP the money, she can't be a real friend rather distasteful. Like friendship and giving money are interlinked. I also find the comments on her being well-off and not missing it rather calculating. Like she is being assessed as a money-bank. I would rather say that she can absolutely be a good friend and also choose never to give anyone any money at all, no matter what her finances are.

YANBU. I can't get my head around a friend not lending a tenner to tide you over.
I know she said she didn't lend, but I'd take that more to mean large amounts. I'd probably give £10 to a stranger in need tbh, if I knew for a fact it would be put to good use.
The only exception would be if the lender was broke themselves. If you're broke £10 is a lot to lose. But, you've already explained that's not the case with her.

She sounds mean.

I'm so sorry you've been going through such a tough time OP.

Yeah you did right in this case. Defo taking the P!

I hope you got sorted.

She's already said that she has had issues with lending money. The radio silence was becsuse it was probably easier to ignore the request than say no. I wonder if she was also concerned that if would becone a pattern?

I would never "lend" money. It just leads to misunderstanding and resentment. If I was going to give you £10, it would be that, giving you. If you then gave it back, fantastic but at least if it was a gift there would be no expectations on that.

And I learnt on therapy a lot of ages to look out for and that set my gut off is phrases like “I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t desperate” and “it’s ok if you say no” because it’s commonly used by manipulative people. I’ve had people get offended that I’m “treating” them like a pisstaker when I say no.

I’ve learnt through lots of therapy that a good friend wouldn’t ever say “it’s ok to say no” and then turn on you when you do say a no, the hardest people to have boundaries with are people who can see have multiple people do a certain thing, and agree that they’re taking advantage, and then they do the same thing or make the same requests, use the same words, and expect you ignore your past experiences and make an exception for them, otherwise they’ll be annoyed and tell you it’s not a big deal. I can see why she might have frozen and not replied if she’s worried you’ll kick off or bitch about her (which you have done with the creation of this thread)

I dont agree with this. I know the sort of people you arr describing though. The key word is close (In OPs case I think they are not close). Some people are in genuine need and tbh if its £10 to last you 2 days I would say it does sound genuine. I have never borrowed money ever and would not dare ask even a close friend nor family.

Its not fair to judge though just because someone may be in need!

“I know she has had issues before with lending people large amounts of money and being taken advantage of . She's since told me she never lends money .”

Theres your answer.

She is not your close friend OP. £10 is not a lot so yes I would of lent a close friend money.

Take this as a sign to step back from her and do not even bother with a card or pressie next year!

Hell yes, I’d of lent you a tenner OP. Im
guessing you aren’t friends now?

On the one hand £10 isn’t a lot of money, and I’d probably be fine with lending a friend that.

But then on the other hand, I can see how someone who’s previously had problems arise from this kind of scenario would take a firm stance on never lending money ever again. For all you know the previous trouble started with them asking to borrow a small amount like £10 before things escalated.
Given that you know her history with this, you really did ask the wrong person!

Newsflash: This person isn’t a close friend.

If I'd made it clear to someone that I never lent money and it was because I'd been burnt in the past, I would feel pretty insulted if that person then asked me to lend them money. No matter how the request came, it would be putting me on the spot - another thing that would piss me off. I would probably not immediately reply because if I said no I'd be branded as mean, so I'd probably respond with a deafening silence. Also - it's £10 for 2 days. I can't understand why it was so desperate. Surely anyone can survive for 2 days - or what was it that you needed so desperately that you were willing to annoy a friend for it? At the risk of being accused of giving financial advice, how about putting some by for emergencies in future? Lending or borrowing money changes the dynamic of a friendship, and leaves the lender anxious until it is paid back. And if the borrower takes her time to repay the lender then has the unpleasant task of reminding her. All in all not a good recipe for friendship. Also, it looks as if it wouldn't be the last time the would-be borrower was so desperate to borrow a tenner. As for the criticism of the present, that's a separate issue and only mentioned seemingly to make the friend look worse. What was the criticism? I'd be happy to be thought a horrible woman by someone who doesn't respect my choice not to lend and then muddies the water with mention of some criticism of her present which she's not prepared to elaborate on.

She is clear that she does not lend money
You know this
You asked her to lend you money
YABVU to ask for a loan - you put her in an uncomfortable position

Take the gift back. Resell it on for a tenner..
She isn't a proper friend..

Thank you. I have never loaned anyone more than £50 in my life; but I trusted my friend implicitly and I just had this sudden urge to offer her the money. So pleased I did as never saw her as happy as the day she drove it over to show me.

I have the same rule and I’ve had to have it because of several times supposed friends and family taking the piss.

I’ve been on the absolute bones of my arse and because of that I used to be always willing to hand over money to people struggling. I had to learn to say no and sometimes it ended with people bitching about me being horrible , each person thinks they’re different and genuine and thinks I should make an exception to the rule for them. Some of them would tell other family and friends on the hope that someone else would be like “what a bitch, here I’ll give you a tenner” Everyone who has taken advantage of me always use the “we’re like family though” and use gifts they’ve given me as a way to me me look ungrateful and id relent because I want to be a good friend.

You know she’s been burnt before and taken advantage of, you know she’s has a blanket no lending money rule, but you still chose to ask her, I would never ask someone for money with that history and who had said they don’t lend money anymore, it’s obviously going to make her uncomfortable and you said it’s ok to say no but then make a thread about her and suggest its not being a big deal because she has plenty of money, that’s exactly the same thing everyone I’ve helped in the past have said.

A tenner isn’t much but if she’s got hilly history of being used and taken advantage of I can totally understand why she is sticking to her boundary.

Im surprised at the amount of people calling her a shit friend, if someone started a thread and said they have a history of being asked to give money to friends and family and getting taken advantage of so have a blanket “no” when it comes to giving money to people, but now a friend who knows about this has asked for money off her, she’d be told you’re taking the piss and shouldn’t have asked.

She had her boundary. Everyone is entitled to have healthy boundaries. Especially after past experiences.
She didn't answer because he hoped if she ignores it it goes away.
Rude to criticise the gift though.

I do not lend money to anyone and like your friend I let people know if it ever comes up generally but there have been times I have done things that are like lending but not a direct request.