Urgent help needed please

With respect, your daughter has put all of her partners ahead of your grandson so even if he does leave, your daughter is not a safe person for him to be with.

Her not allowing him back cannot be guaranteed so your grandson needs to be protected from her and her choices.

Unfortunately she is the one that is choosing unsuitable partners and moving them into her house with her child.

Your daughter is an adult and can make decisions, even bad ones. Your grandson does not agency to survive under his own steam.

I am not ignoring the baby, but their needs are different just now. You must do right by your grandson to ensure his safety as he has no other safe adult at the moment.

OP you protect your DGC they need you. Unfortunately your DD is either playing it down through fear or because she is so stupid she can't see what is so very obvious. You're doing the right thing to get authorities involved. Do you still have an active kinship for your GS?

You need to call social services etc because it's better than a dead grandson, granddaughter, or daughter.
Be the kinship carer.
Your daughter needs therapy and the freedom programme if she keeps choosing abusive men despite being warned.

Blimey, what a shit situation. As others have said, you need to put the young children first. Your daughter might thank you one day.

I'm so so sorry you're going through this OP!!

Definitely get the police involved.

oh yes - I agree, call the DSL at your grandson's school and insist on speaking to them today. If they aren't immediately available, leave a message that there is a serious safeguarding concern regarding your grandson and it requires immediate attention today before the bank holiday, and you need to speak to the DSL (or the Head if DSL not there) asap today.

OP well done for taking action; as everyone else has said, this is the right thing to do.

Actually I think that a call to 999, rather than 101, is in order. There is definitely a real risk of imminent harm (i.e. a crime) occurring here. I would phone back and escalate it with the police if you can.

And yes, I understand your reluctance but please report to social services immediately.

Do you have any relatives/friends who can be around to provide support for you and your daughter?

It must be absolutely horrendous to feel that this could cause a permanent rift with your daughter, but you are doing this for her own good and you are putting your two grandchildren first when your daughter can't/won't. As others have said, she is vulnerable too, and you are actually putting her wellbeing first as well, even though she can't see it yet. You are doing exactly what a mum and grandma should do.

You should have called the police ages ago. You know full well his history and her lack of concern about it. Plus your grandson has run to your home scared loads of times, so you’re fully aware too. Just break the cycle. Be the catalyst that in 10 years time your grandson can say his life positively changed because of your intervention. Because as this point, clearly there is a cycle of abuse he cannot stop by virtue of being a child and no adult around him has meaningfully helped. Even you, you said you suspected your daughter was lying about the man being at her house but you told your grandson to go there anyway, only for him to find out the hard way that in fact, the man was there.

The best way to get urgent help is to contact grandson’s school, ask to speak to a DSL urgently and they will take it from there. You really do need to do this, and it needs to happen today, preferably before lunch time so that the relevant actions can be taken this afternoon before half term. I am a DSL, please OP, you have a duty to do this.

Your daughter fell for it because she needs therapy to figure out what’s going on with her in that aspect. A string of abusive men isn’t normal, there’s something within her that she’ll need to address, not only for her sake but for her children.

A permanant rift would be best.
You need to step up and be the main carer for your GS. His mother has her hands full and keeps choosing dangerous situations.

Contact the local Police and report the fact that your DD and a new baby are both in fear if their lives. Ask the Police to insist that the Partner leaves the house.

Ask them to take out a AVO on the violent man.. He is violent. He is evil. I hope your DD has not put him on the birth certificate of her new child.

Every time your DD invites him back, report the safety of the baby. Keep GS with you.
Be his safe rock.

Do not doubt yourself op. If you can get him away from this man AND his stupid, selfish "mother".

You need to get children's services involved again, for the baby. Does this man have any other children? You need to keep hold of your grandson.
Also are his family lilely to cause you any problems? You might want to have a conversation with the police.

Please stop trying to manage this yourself and speak to the police and social services. If it causes a rift, that is not on you. You need to act immediately for your grandchildren's safety.

OP, don’t doubt yourself. For whatever reason, your Dd seems to be attracted to abusive men, but your DGC don’t have to suffer because of this. How would you feel if something were to happen to that poor defenceless babe? Get in touch with the police and SS and tell them your concerns.

Fuck worrying about blowing this up or causing a permanent rift - this is much too dangerous to leave alone.

There is a 9 week old baby in the house with an abusive man, a woman who is post partum trapped in the same house as her tiny baby and the abusive man, and a 10yo who is stuck with them all.

You are being much much too passive here. Your long term relationship with your daughter is already fucked up. She's had three abusive relationships on the bounce and she cannot extract herself from this man. She needs help and you cannot provide it - she needs formal intervention from police and social services.

As hard as it is OP you have to make the phone calls. Yes your DD will probably hate you for it (for a while anyway), but which is worse, having to cope with her hate or stand at your DGc's and her graves in the future?

SATs were last week? Monday 11th to Thurs 14th. Is she lying to coerce you?

I'm afraid everyone on this thread is right - you need to involve police and social services urgently as the children are at risk. Your daughter is prioritising a violent dangerous man over her children's safety and that cannot be allowed to continue. Keep your grandson with you and call 999 if they turn up to try and take him.

Keep your dgs with you. Call SS for your DD and her new baby.