Urgent help needed please

Ah complete sympathy for you OP. I remember when I spoke up against my sister and after I cut off from social worker she rang my sister telling her I had phoned with concerns. I'll never forget it. You build courage to speak up and then it just feels so intimidating to be outed.

That being said, from reading your posts you 100% did the right thing and now you have been "outed" I do feel like you have nothing left but to preserve and keep pushing such as speaking to school health visitor etc. As the relationship may already be damaged, you now need to push through and not back down, as your daughter will see your concerns and if you go quiet now, she will just always think why did my mom randomly ring police. But I would hope someone in the system would take your concerns better.

I wouldn't trust anything your daughter tells you @WingingItSince1973

Op did the police tell you this? Or, by any chance, your daughter?

Who told you that the police said that? Her? She's lying. She's lying to keep you out of the picture.

Phone social services, Women's Aid, whoever. You need some support with this. And you also need to ensure that you yourself are safe. They're too close for comfort and you know it.

Hate to say it, but reading between the lines it sounds as if your daughter has addiction problems. You don't stop being an addict because you're TTC. You might not be taking the junk for a while but you're still an addict, and if you're not doing anything to deal with your addiction, then you'll be straight back to it (in some form or another). The tell tale sign, to be honest, is the endless drag of unsuitable partners. Her choice. The kids are mixed up in it and it's not their choice.

Yes phone Social Services, your DGS won't be safely in school this week, it's half-term term holiday.
It would have been better to ring SS rather than police last week but we are where we are. Explain everything that you have said on here, you don't need to doubt yourself, you know your DD puts herself and her man before her children and their needs.

That is so bad of the police. Why on earth did they do that

Yes, phone social services now. Tell them everything. Tell them that things have escalated in the last 5 weeks, since the baby was 2 weeks old.

Your Dd is not able to prioritise her children’s needs above her own. She has proved this before. There’s now an incredibly vulnerable baby in the picture.

Please phone now.

Second this. It's very hard I am sure but you are absolutely right and have the dgc best interests at heart

I know it's hard @WingingItSince1973 but you are doing the right things. Talking to the health visitor is a good idea. TBH, the more agencies who know about this the better, they do exchange information and a better picture is formed because of it.

Hi op I understand your terrible predicament and saying somerhng may cut you off from your dogs which may put him in even more danger

It's very easy to shout get help on here and I do fully agree your DD baby and dgs urgently need help but I do worry about it causing a rift and your.dgs.looses his protector.

I doubt the step family care for him like you do

I wish there was a more covert way to trigger help ?

Reporting it might mean you might lose contact with her, but at least you'll know you've done what you can, and you may well be the first choice if it comes to kinship care. Choosing men over her kids is obviously indicative of her being a bad parent.

I may have missed if you have, but you really need to report all this to Children's Social Services @WingingItSince1973 . He's served prison time for DV, your DD is aware of that (even if she's accepting his 'version') so the Clare's law application is redundant really. There is a child protection history centred on her past unsafe partners, your DGS is frightened and upset by the situation and there is now a tiny baby in the mix.

I volunteer in child protection. Well done for phoning the Police. They will know the perpetrators criminal record and should act robustly to protect the children.
A baby is entirely dependent on their care givers for their very survival. Children are at greater risk from mums new boyfriend.
I hope that in time that your daughter can break the cycle of being in abusive relationships.

My god this poor child

you need to speak to SS. Now.

and you need to contact his school and tell them EVERYTHING

Just here to cheerlead you OP as you do this. It's hars but you are doing exactly the right thing. Abusers are brilliant at screwing with our perceptions and making us doubt ourselves, but you are seeing clearly. Thank god for you being in your GS life, you are a blessing to him. Keep strong and keep fighting for those kids. You have a great family by the sounds of it, and a lot of strangers in your corner, you can do this ❤️

Mumsnet will help. Keep talking here if you have nothing else.

Some people will screech all sorts of things but, if you keep posting and reading, women here with knowledge will post very good advice,

Keep talking with the mums of Mumsnet. Keep doing what is right. Stay strong.

You're doing the right thing. Your daughter will thank you one day. Keep everyone in the loop , school, social workers, police.
His family obviously minimise what he's done .

Well done on trying to keep your dgs safe for starters. I am glad he has you.
Your DD is in a vulnerable position here as PP have commented and I strongly suggest SS are flagged and hopefully they can intervene here.
If you fall out with DD I think it will be worth it for the safety of the children

Agree with calling the school right now.

The absolute priority here are the children.

Your daughter is making bad decisions and is unable to keep her children safe.