Catholic guilt?

I’m happy to be a Catholic and raised as a Catholic, yes it leaves heightened feelings of guilt but it also gives a great sense of community, sacrifice and humbleness so it all evens out.

It might depend a bit on the parenting you had. One person brought up catholic with parents who gave them confidence and made them feel good about themselves might be fine. Another person attending the same school/church might have parents who constantly put them down and ruined their self esteem. They might be more affected by catholic guilt

Which Catholics have blown themselves up in the name of God?

Old school Catholics loved terrifying children with tales of fire and brimstone. That kind of religious conditioning from a young age is extremely hard to shake, that's why we see people who are prepared to physically blow themselves up in the name of their God. I still struggle with the effects of it myself on occasion.

That's sad

Most very likely, which is why I ensured my children grew up without any religion in our house. Once a catholic always a catholic is said for a reason because it ends up in your dna. It’s hard to shake off the fear instilled in you as a kid. It took me years to shed it and even though I am 100% atheist there’s always that teeny tiny catholic voice in the background ‘daring’ me to be atheist at my peril.

My relatives did believe in all that and it is all nonsense to me.

I was raised catholic. Went to catholic schools until I was 18 and loved it, honestly. It was painful when I realised I was gay, and it never felt right going to church again after that. But I don't regret my upbringing or experiences one bit.

Hi @Felixfox Have you thought of the type of help that ex-cult members have? I think it's now called exit counselling.

I too had a Catholic upbringing so I know what you are talking about, but I've managed to just ignore the guilt. I acknowledge that it's there and move on, as it doesn't serve me in any positive way. I have had a lot of counselling over the years, although not specifically for the guilt, but this is a method that I was taught for other unhelpful emotions.

I went to Catholic primary and secondary schools. The possibility that Hell may be a real place has never left me. I don't dwell on it all the time, but it's always there in the back of my mind. I am scared of death. I've always been an anxious and depressed adult and I can't help wondering if the messages I heard at church and at school from a very young age have contributed to that.

I am Catholic and have never felt guilt or been God-fearing. My personal experience with priests and nuns has always been positive. I’m aged 55.

I’m sorry you feel that way OP. It’s not like negative for all Catholics.

@BunnyLake the nonsense that you refer to that your Catholic relatives believed are teachings of the Catholic faith. According to Catholicism, animals do not have immortal souls like humans do, unbaptised people do not go to heaven (unless they fulfilled an almost impossible list of criteria). If your relatives didn't believe those things, then they would not really have been fully practicing Catholics.

I think the Catholicism a lot of people refer to is actually just broadly Christian with mass on Sundays, rather than the actual core beliefs of the faith itself. Nowadays, lots of people who claim to be religious or of a faith, work on the basis that they can pick the bits they like and ignore the other bits. I'm an atheist these days, so what people believe is up to them and I think all religions are make believe, but I'm not sure how you can claim to be of a certain religion, if you don't practice the faith itself!

I'm Irish, went to Catholic primary and secondary Catholic school. School principal was always a nun and nuns thought in the school as well as lay people. Can't say its ever affected me. I don't feel any Catholic guilt.

My relatives even believed an unbaptised child couldn’t get to heaven (at least not without some extra process to it, the ‘mercy of god’ 🙄.) They also believed dogs didn’t have immortal souls but I didn’t see why they couldn’t if humans could. My relatives would swallow every ridiculous nonsensical bit of guff the catholic religion thought up, because to them catholicism was the only ‘true’ religion.

Apart from all that nonsense they were actually really lovely people. 😂

I too brought my children up without religion. They did end up going to a school that was religious but it wasn’t anything heavy or indoctrinating, maybe Anglican or C of E or something. I would call them irreligious rather than atheist as belief or non belief just isn't on their radar.

OP, my heart goes out to you - sounds like you had some horrible experiences and there is a lot weighing on your mind

I went to Catholic school as a non-Catholic in the 1990s and there was an element of emphasis on sin and guilt that was pretty heavy. I am probably dyspraxic but was never diagnosed and I was made to feel like my inability to hold a pen properly, wear my uniform neatly or pass my cycling proficiency test were moral failings....

However I think until very recently there was a lot of fear-based teaching in Catholic schools which at times strayed into superstition and paranoia, and an excessive emphasis on sin without the other side of the story - redemption and God's unfathomable love for us. I also think that there were nuns, teachers and priests in previous generations who had a mean streak, who were misogynist and who had absolutely no business being in positions of authority over kids. There was also some straight-up terrible catechesis.

However... Fast forward to 2026 and I have actually converted to Catholicism!! (A story for another post) Pope Francis was my biggest inspiration and I think he has ushered in a much more compassionate variety of Catholicism, and the wonderful Pope Leo is continuing that legacy.

During my RCIA course as I prepared to become Catholic I never once felt that same morbid obsession with sin and guilt as I experienced at school on the 1990s. Of course sin is a very real thing and we must guard against it and repent of it. That has not changed and never will. But the hellfire and brimstone has been totally absent from the conversation. Confession is now referred to as the sacrament of reconciliation and the emphasis is on rebuilding your relationship with God if your actions have caused you to move away from him. It's not a tick box exercise in disclosing what a crappy person you are in order to avoid damnation. When I came out of that confession box for the first time the most overwhelming thing I felt was God's love for me.

As a previous posted said, I recommend looking up the Sycamore course and any videos by Father Stephen Wang. He is really good at explaining the basics principles of Catholicism and I think he might have some insights for you that will put your mind at ease.

Sorry if that was a bit of a ramble but I think Catholicism in previous generations had some nasty undercurrents which were cultural and of their time. I think if you came back to the church now (at least my one in London) you would find a happier and lighter environment. I know it's brought me a lot of peace.

Wishing you all the best in figuring things out. Remember God loves you 💖

OP I went to a Catholic school in Northern Ireland and we were often told to fear the devil, shown anti abortion videos at school, told that sex before marriage was a sin, learn prayers off by heart for confirmation that we had to recite in the principals office etc etc. It doesn't affect me now and I'm not a practising Catholic anymore (more of an agnostic). I do have a lot of health anxiety as an adult. I was chatting to one of my sisters as she has anxiety too and we thought it probably stems from our childhood, Catholic upbringing and the troubles. I teach in a catholic primary school now and I try to approach our RE lessons in a more respectful and gentle way. I have tried CBT for my anxiety which helped a little. You should look into it. It would probably help.

Duplicated

Catholic school taken in isolation may not have the same effect, but having to go to church and catechism every Sunday and an array of very catholic relatives is enough to send anyone to atheism 😬😩

@OriginalPedant so what were the Catholic beliefs that you were taught at school?

Purgatory & Hell are part of the Cathechism of the Catholic Church.

I'm sorry that's your experience you if you grew up in the 60s that's before the OP was born.

I'm slightly older than the OP and not my experience

My DC both went to Catholic primary schools from around 2011 until 2020 and not my most recent experience.

It about the individual and their own outlook.

I went to catholic school my whole life and always knew from a very young age that their version of christianity was tripe. I just ignored all of it and did the minimum to appear compliant. Im now pagan and feel not one shred of guilt.
You need to let it go. Plenty of women feel guilt about everything without being catholic. We need to learn not to care so much about what other people think.
The religion isnt all bad. I knew many lovely nuns. My best friend is a gay catholic priest who feels no guilt at being gay at all and has been fully accepted into his church.
I do think forced celibacy is a bad idea though. Its a bomb waiting to go off.

It’s just you, OP. 3 years is absolutely nothing. I was raised Catholic by devout parents and went to a single-sex convent school and a very Catholic prep. You couldn’t get much more Catholic.

My schools may have been quite progressive - there was never mention of hell, purgatory or guilt.

Like every single one of my friends from school, I’m completely god-less and guilt free now. But did we all get our kids baptised as Catholics to get them into good schools? Yes. Are all those young adults kids now passionate atheists? Also yes 😂

I think it is easy to dismiss/not understand Catholic guilt (and maybe other religious guilt too) if you haven't grown up with it.
One of my clearest early memories is a sense of shame and fear that my dead (non-Catholic) grandad would be stuck in purgatory and was relying on my prayers to upgrade him to heaven.
I think that sense of your thoughts and feelings being watched and judged is hard to move on from. I stopped attending church in my early teens, though I attended Catholic school from 4-18. I would describe myself as an ex-Catholic - I don't feel like you can completely get rid of it, even if you want to.
I've deliberately raised my own children with no religion and prioritised a complete absence of religion in the schools they attended (the easiest choice would have been a 'small c' C of E school).

I think is into victim blaming territory.

Some children may be able to brush off people in authority telling them they will burn in hell, others won't.

I'm in Scotland but I completely agree with you, I'm middle aged and my experience of growing up and living as a Catholic bears no relation to some of the stuff I've read on here.