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Catholic guilt?

264 replies

Felixfox · 22/05/2026 00:31

I only went to catholic school for 3 years (first 3 years of school) and I am CONSTANTLY feelingly guilty . Is it the school or just me? It was a terrible place. I remember one of the fathers coming into our classroom just as a pupil was leaving as he was feeling sick. Father promptly sent him back to his desk for us all to pray, this boy was physically sick but we had to carry on with the prayer. His parting shot was a question. To a bunch of 6 year olds. Do you all pray before bed at night? We all mumbled yes. To which he replied,’Good, because otherwise you will go to hell.’ It scared the crap out of me. V complicated story with parents and my brother and I going there. My mother was a nun and left
’God will never forgive you’ and so maybe to usage some hideous and unfair guilt from that was to send us to a catholic school. The point is, I am nearly 50 and I still feel guilty all the time about pretty much anything. Will it go? I’ve tried counseling. What do I do? How do you leave a part of yourself behind?

OP posts:
BlueSherbet · 26/05/2026 10:58

EasilyPleased · 22/05/2026 20:57

Oh, I don’t think I’d put Catholicism at the top, or indeed anywhere near, of the religions who centre a vengeful, judgemental, tyrannical god. Catholicism’s not terribly interested in the Bible — I think I’d go with one of the Biblically literalist sects of fundamentalist Christians who like playing Bible bingo with the OT as much nastier in that sense.

Catholics not interested in the bible?

It was the Catholic Church which created the Bible and one of the reasons for its existence is to safeguard interpretation of the bible.

BlueSherbet · 26/05/2026 10:52

Mischance · 25/05/2026 11:29

For me it is all very simple.
Humankind needs to free itself from the ancient religions and all the misery that these have brought.
By all means hold a private theist belief but this needs to be yours and yours alone.
The rest of society - education legal systems, government - need to be based on kindness and humanity and scientific progress.
This harms no-one, believers and non-believers. All are free to hold their beliefs, but the society in which they live is not gratuitously constrained by any particular faction.

Scientific progress, are you sure?

A lot of folk in the progressive lgbt community dont care for science, especially those who claim that cutting the breasts off a young girl means that she has now turned into a young man.

BlueSherbet · 26/05/2026 10:48

EasilyPleased · 25/05/2026 12:50

And yet many countries that have never had any kind of significant Christian tradition have somehow evolved an ethics that is essentially similar, based on being compassionate, just and loving, not causing harm to others etc. Also ‘Christian values’ considerably predate Christianity. Aquinas was essentially adapting Aristotle.

Could you name these "many countries?"

BlueSherbet · 26/05/2026 10:44

Mischance · 26/05/2026 08:34

a beautiful religion.

A beautiful religion! Really!?

Tell that to the downtrodden poverty stricken huge families in catholic countries, to the girls whose babies were snatched away, to the young men who feel guilty about their normal bodily functions, indeed to my grandfather who was brought up in a catholic boys home where he suffered dreadfully.

Clearly you have a very different idea of beauty.

Worship your deity in your own way ... that is your right ... but do not bury your head in the sand over the misery this religion has caused and still causes.

Oh enough of this drivel.

"downtrodden poverty stricken huge families in catholic countries"

What, like in Italy, with one of europes lowest birth rates?

Of course, Catholic women have no agency at all, do they? They can do nothing except churn out baby after baby, even if they cant afford it.

Do you really believe any of this tripe?

Are you unaware a woman can regulate her fertility completely naturally, with the same effectiveness as artifical contraception?

Are you unaware Catholics have a superpower called 'restraint' where they are in command of their passions, instead of vice versa?

While some in secular society conduct their sex life like dogs in the street, sincere Catholics tend to exercise a bit of thought and responsibility regarding their actions, especially when there are serious consequences such as new life.

So I am afraid your portrayal of them as helpless baby making drones is simply not accurate.

SpamhappyTootsie · 26/05/2026 08:41

Felixfox · 26/05/2026 08:17

Wow, thank you to everyone who has replied and tried to help. It has given me an awful lot to think and re-think about.

I hope you find your way past your feelings of guilt, whether that’s by stepping off a faith path or finding modern, mainstream Christianity has developed over the last 50 years.

Mischance · 26/05/2026 08:34

a beautiful religion.

A beautiful religion! Really!?

Tell that to the downtrodden poverty stricken huge families in catholic countries, to the girls whose babies were snatched away, to the young men who feel guilty about their normal bodily functions, indeed to my grandfather who was brought up in a catholic boys home where he suffered dreadfully.

Clearly you have a very different idea of beauty.

Worship your deity in your own way ... that is your right ... but do not bury your head in the sand over the misery this religion has caused and still causes.

EasilyPleased · 26/05/2026 08:22

ZenNudist · 26/05/2026 06:59

CBA to read all the responses undoubtedly trashing a beautiful religion.

@Felixfox I'm sorry you had an awful experience at school. I don't think this is typical certainly not of Catholic schools now. My dad's era yes but he's 80.

I don't think Catholic guilt is really a thing. It doesn't sound like you have religious guilt so much as general guilt. Judging by the posts on here of people feeling bad about stuff you are not alone! Some therapy might help you.

Ironically Catholic mass might help you deal with your feelings of guilt and help you to see what is really important. Our religion isn't about what you are doing wrong. I hope you find peace and calmness in a healthy and happy way.

Have you actually looked at how much of the mass liturgy focuses on sin, confession of sin, and begging for mercy from God?

Felixfox · 26/05/2026 08:17

Wow, thank you to everyone who has replied and tried to help. It has given me an awful lot to think and re-think about.

OP posts:
ZenNudist · 26/05/2026 06:59

CBA to read all the responses undoubtedly trashing a beautiful religion.

@Felixfox I'm sorry you had an awful experience at school. I don't think this is typical certainly not of Catholic schools now. My dad's era yes but he's 80.

I don't think Catholic guilt is really a thing. It doesn't sound like you have religious guilt so much as general guilt. Judging by the posts on here of people feeling bad about stuff you are not alone! Some therapy might help you.

Ironically Catholic mass might help you deal with your feelings of guilt and help you to see what is really important. Our religion isn't about what you are doing wrong. I hope you find peace and calmness in a healthy and happy way.

FieryMexicanClive · 25/05/2026 22:59

It's not just hell either. You can avoid hell as long as you don't die with a mortal sin on your soul. And you can get rid of them in confession. You have to watch it though because if you take communion with a mortal sin on you that's it, game over, you're off to hell. But as long as you're canny with confession you can avoid hell.

Purgatory though, that's a different matter. You can't avoid purgatory even with confession. Everyone goes to purgatory. How long depends on how many sins of each type - you get longer for a mortal sin and less time for a venial sin. When you die they're all totted up and that's how long you spend in purgatory, according to the formula.

Purgatory doesn't invoke guilt but it surely makes you fearful.

FieryMexicanClive · 25/05/2026 22:51

There's also the guilt about sinning against poor dying Jesus on the cross. He is crucified for our sins and every sin you do increases his suffering.

And of course God can see every sin you do because God is watching everything. Even if you think you're being sneaky eating an extra sweetie when your mum can't see, God knows about it and poor suffering Jesus gets extra thorns on his crown. Bet that sweetie doesn't taste so good now.

Oh and all your dead relatives are watching over you too.

TheignT · 25/05/2026 20:49

Mischance · 25/05/2026 18:18

It is. It is not under the duress of hell and damnation; and it is not about things that do not require guilt, unless you have been instructed that it does by a religion.

Well I'm Catholic, I feel guilty if I've done something wrong. Nothing to do with hell and damnation just me accepting I was in the wrong.

Mischance · 25/05/2026 18:18

TheignT · 25/05/2026 17:04

Is that different to guilt?

It is. It is not under the duress of hell and damnation; and it is not about things that do not require guilt, unless you have been instructed that it does by a religion.

TheignT · 25/05/2026 17:04

Mischance · 25/05/2026 12:26

They feel disappointed in themselves I am sure. We can all only do our best.

Is that different to guilt?

RedTagAlan · 25/05/2026 16:25

EasilyPleased · 25/05/2026 15:51

I haven’t read the encyclical, not surprisingly, so no in-depth knowledge of its contents, but as reported in the media, it’s basically an addition to the church’s social teaching on contemporary issues like AI and immigration with Biblical stories invoked for colour/illustration as much as anything.

One of the differences between Catholicism and other stripes of Christianity is of course papal infallibility— what the Church says has always been as important as what the Bible says. Bear in mind that it was only in 1965 that Catholics began having their main religious service in their own language. That’s going to have an effect. There’s never been the same kind of stress on Bible study or Scripture being the sole source of revelation as in Protestantism, because according to the Catholic catechism, Catholic apostolic ‘tradition’ (as in, the belief that Catholic practices are as handed on directly from the apostles) is as important.

I can’t stress to you how devout my parents were/are — daily mass goers, nightly rosary, weekly confession, prayer groups, pilgrimages, novenas et etc, and how central their faith is to their lives, but I’m not sure we ever had a Bible in the house when I was growing up. Endless prayer books, holy pictures, missals, rosary beads, statues etc, but no Bible. And I don’t think that’s unusual for that generation.

ETA In relation to your last point, sure, but Catholics are getting that from the Catholic catechism/teachings, not direct from the Bible.

I’m not claiming Catholicism regards the Bible as some irrelevance by any means, it’s just not anywhere near as central as in some other branches of Christianity.

Edited

I am working my way through the Popes document, and para 29 has this :

"29. What we now call the “Social Doctrine of the Church” is not a spontaneous product of the modern age. Instead, it is the fruit of receiving and structuring a long tradition of ecclesial reflection on life in society, rooted in Sacred Scripture, the Church Fathers and the theological and legal developments of the Middle Ages and modern era."

TBH, there is a lot of words in this. And not a lot about AI.

It sort of reminds me of reading Marx to learn about communism. Marx used a lot of words too, but never actually got around to saying what communism is.

I think the Pope is making some good points here, but they are well hidden among a lot of other stuff. And he has a lot of eyebrow raising statements in there too. For example:

"196. The situation is further destabilized by the presence of new armed operatives, such as jihadist groups, private militias and criminal networks that mark the end of the State’s monopoly on the use of force."

I question that statement. Because when did the state have a monopoly on the use of force ? To me that is just an untrue statement.

I would say, respectfully, it's a bit of a gish gallop.

I wonder if AI was used........ nah, I won't go there :-)

Mischance · 25/05/2026 16:12

BlueSherbet · 25/05/2026 12:50

Regarding humanists, I recall their "Good without God" slogan which I always thought was very revealing.

Christians are Christians because their starting point is to recognise that we are all fundamentally flawed people.

I find it concerning to start with a stance of "I am good" especially when it is a self-referential stance, with no objective, distinct standard to compare to.

Humanists do not start with the idea that all humans are good. They know people are fallible ... human indeed, as the name implies. The slogan refers to an awareness that it is possible to be or behave in a good way without reference to a deity.
The idea of an objective standard is interesting. Does religion provide that, or does it depend which religion you choose? It is clear that it does, so you might as well cut out the deity aspect as it is pick and mix.

EasilyPleased · 25/05/2026 15:51

RedTagAlan · 25/05/2026 15:15

Cool.

Yet the Pope just referenced OT stories. And it is pretty difficult for any branch of Christianity to separate from the OT, because in the NT it is pretty clear that Jesus and his disciples believed in it. That is based on the few references to the Disciples of course. The Trial of Stephen is a good example, book of acts.

And there is the fact that many of the Catholic sins are based on the 10 commandments. Book of exodus.

I haven’t read the encyclical, not surprisingly, so no in-depth knowledge of its contents, but as reported in the media, it’s basically an addition to the church’s social teaching on contemporary issues like AI and immigration with Biblical stories invoked for colour/illustration as much as anything.

One of the differences between Catholicism and other stripes of Christianity is of course papal infallibility— what the Church says has always been as important as what the Bible says. Bear in mind that it was only in 1965 that Catholics began having their main religious service in their own language. That’s going to have an effect. There’s never been the same kind of stress on Bible study or Scripture being the sole source of revelation as in Protestantism, because according to the Catholic catechism, Catholic apostolic ‘tradition’ (as in, the belief that Catholic practices are as handed on directly from the apostles) is as important.

I can’t stress to you how devout my parents were/are — daily mass goers, nightly rosary, weekly confession, prayer groups, pilgrimages, novenas et etc, and how central their faith is to their lives, but I’m not sure we ever had a Bible in the house when I was growing up. Endless prayer books, holy pictures, missals, rosary beads, statues etc, but no Bible. And I don’t think that’s unusual for that generation.

ETA In relation to your last point, sure, but Catholics are getting that from the Catholic catechism/teachings, not direct from the Bible.

I’m not claiming Catholicism regards the Bible as some irrelevance by any means, it’s just not anywhere near as central as in some other branches of Christianity.

RedTagAlan · 25/05/2026 15:15

EasilyPleased · 25/05/2026 15:04

I think I was that poster. (Cradle Irish Catholic, very devout upbringing and education, happily longtime atheist.) I’d still hold to that. Catholicism is not that invested in the Bible in general, certainly not to the extent of most Protestant sects, but is certainly not that concerned with the OT or trying to reconcile it with the NT.

Cool.

Yet the Pope just referenced OT stories. And it is pretty difficult for any branch of Christianity to separate from the OT, because in the NT it is pretty clear that Jesus and his disciples believed in it. That is based on the few references to the Disciples of course. The Trial of Stephen is a good example, book of acts.

And there is the fact that many of the Catholic sins are based on the 10 commandments. Book of exodus.

EasilyPleased · 25/05/2026 15:04

RedTagAlan · 25/05/2026 14:38

Indeed. Now US Young Earth Creationists. They can debate/discuss for weeks. They try really hard to prove their point.

One thing from this thread though is that Catholics do not seem to agree with what their version of Christianity is. Totally normal of course. But the poster who said it was nowt to do with the OT surprised me. Especially given that the Pope just issued a document that references 2 OT stories.

The Tower of Babel story is significant I think, because it appears he is referencing it as though it is a true and factual story. But it's not.

And that, to me, highlights a major problem. Because a religion can't really just dump it's religious texts. It can only "re-invent" itself so far.

So the guilt over such things as masturbation and gay sex will continue.

I think I was that poster. (Cradle Irish Catholic, very devout upbringing and education, happily longtime atheist.) I’d still hold to that. Catholicism is not that invested in the Bible in general, certainly not to the extent of most Protestant sects, but is certainly not that concerned with the OT or trying to reconcile it with the NT.

RedTagAlan · 25/05/2026 14:38

Mischance · 25/05/2026 14:17

I think it is a shame that a catholic feels unable to address the concerns of those who have seen how destructive it can be.

Indeed. Now US Young Earth Creationists. They can debate/discuss for weeks. They try really hard to prove their point.

One thing from this thread though is that Catholics do not seem to agree with what their version of Christianity is. Totally normal of course. But the poster who said it was nowt to do with the OT surprised me. Especially given that the Pope just issued a document that references 2 OT stories.

The Tower of Babel story is significant I think, because it appears he is referencing it as though it is a true and factual story. But it's not.

And that, to me, highlights a major problem. Because a religion can't really just dump it's religious texts. It can only "re-invent" itself so far.

So the guilt over such things as masturbation and gay sex will continue.

Mischance · 25/05/2026 14:17

I think it is a shame that a catholic feels unable to address the concerns of those who have seen how destructive it can be.

SixtySomething · 25/05/2026 14:11

I just can’t keep up with you, Alan!
I ‘m going to have to throw the towel in. Suggest you do the same.
Good luck with the Pope’s encyclical. 😆

Goodluck Goodbye GIF by TheEcards.com
RedTagAlan · 25/05/2026 14:04

SixtySomething · 25/05/2026 13:54

Nice one , Alan! 😆

Seriously, are you changing from "it all comes from Christianity" to "any religion" and now Aristotle ?

What next ? Some Egyptian king ?

So we have gone from Catholic Guilt to Aristotle . That is a mighty big deflection.

SixtySomething · 25/05/2026 13:54

RedTagAlan · 25/05/2026 13:48

Kids in Japan are taught Aristotle ?

I went to school in Scotland, and I don't remember being taught Aristotle.

Nice one , Alan! 😆

RedTagAlan · 25/05/2026 13:48

SixtySomething · 25/05/2026 13:43

PS I expect they’ve all read their Aristotle!

Kids in Japan are taught Aristotle ?

I went to school in Scotland, and I don't remember being taught Aristotle.

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