Page 20 | To think telling a child to "cover up" because of male teachers is ewwww?

FreeeeeeeeFreeFalling · 2026-05-21T18:59:01+00:00

DD and her mates were wearing fairly standard vest tops at school for an own clothes day. All dressed exactly the same. DD singled out and told to cover up (I suspect because she is slightly larger chested than the others), which she found humiliating. She was told "there are male teachers around" as the reason! They are 16. I kind of think if male teachers can't keep their eyes to themselves, they shouldn't be teachers, right?! AIBU to think this is a bit off?

HollyGolightly4 · 22/05/2026 08:15

Pennyfan · 22/05/2026 08:14

That’s ridiculous. It’s culturally normal to wear appropriate clothing for the occasion. I’ve just had workmen at my house and would’ve been totally discomposed had they turned up in something just covering genitals as it’s only a body.its really not appropriate to have stomachs on show at school. And vest tops aren’t appropriate at school either. Maybe the way the message was delivered was clumsy but the message itself was correct.

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Even the message that small boobs in a vest top are acceptable, but larger ones aren't?

Pennyfan · 22/05/2026 08:14

The6thQueen · 21/05/2026 20:07

No one should cover up for someone else. So long as no genitalia are on show, it’s just a body. Any form of shaming is wrong, and let’s face it, it’s normally women who are on the receiving end.
What’s wrong with having arms, or legs, or stomachs on display? Pretty much everyone on the planet has one. It’s time we stopped making people feel ashamed for having a body.
If anyone suggests it’s because women/girls then become sexualised, go give your head a wobble. That’s the problem of the person doing the sexualising, not the person being comfortable in their own skin.

That’s ridiculous. It’s culturally normal to wear appropriate clothing for the occasion. I’ve just had workmen at my house and would’ve been totally discomposed had they turned up in something just covering genitals as it’s only a body.its really not appropriate to have stomachs on show at school. And vest tops aren’t appropriate at school either. Maybe the way the message was delivered was clumsy but the message itself was correct.

Original poster

FreeeeeeeeFreeFalling · 22/05/2026 08:10

HollyGolightly4 · 22/05/2026 08:08

I think it's entirely inappropriate for her to say that and I think it does such a disservice to the men she works with. I genuinely don't think the men will care and/or notice.

If they do, they shouldn't be teaching and if the teacher had genuine concerns about a colleague, the last thing she should have done is raised it with a pupil. I don't think she does, I think she's attempting to police what children are wearing.

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This. Thank you.

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DdraigGoch · 22/05/2026 08:10

The6thQueen · 21/05/2026 20:43

Some of the mindsets on this thread. And we wonder why victim blaming and violence against women is still rife. I’m genuinely amazed for a majority female site.

No one is "victim blaming" anyone. We just don't want to see cleavage or buttocks.

HollyGolightly4 · 22/05/2026 08:09

Milly16 · 22/05/2026 08:06

Some of these responses are bonkers. A 16 year old is not a child physically and most are well aware or becoming aware of their impact on boys and men. I would expect everyone in my team to dress modestly and appropriately at work as it is a professional environment where i don't want people getting distracted. The girls are young and it's ok to let them know that there are times where a vest top is inappropriate. And yes, shoulders, legs, cleavage etc can be distracting!

How is a 16 year old not a child?

Original poster

FreeeeeeeeFreeFalling · 22/05/2026 08:09

Applecup · 22/05/2026 08:07

So one rule for females and a completely different one for men. Do you know how ridiculous you sound.

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I'm not suggesting a "rule" at all. Just thinking it through and suggesting some nuance. Sorry if you consider that ridiculous.

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HollyGolightly4 · 22/05/2026 08:08

FreeeeeeeeFreeFalling · 22/05/2026 08:05

Yes

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I think it's entirely inappropriate for her to say that and I think it does such a disservice to the men she works with. I genuinely don't think the men will care and/or notice.

If they do, they shouldn't be teaching and if the teacher had genuine concerns about a colleague, the last thing she should have done is raised it with a pupil. I don't think she does, I think she's attempting to police what children are wearing.

Somethingtosayagain · 22/05/2026 08:07

Parcelpass · 22/05/2026 08:03

Nonsense. Brits are certainly not shy to strip off as soon as the sun comes out! However this is a school setting OP is talking about.

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I am talking about school, professional, church, other settings where many British think these areas of skin are beyond the pale.

Applecup · 22/05/2026 08:07

FreeeeeeeeFreeFalling · 22/05/2026 08:05

You know what, if I went into school and my DD's teacher was wearing hotpants, I actually might be quite relieved/impressed. It's no wonder so many kids are so terrified they can't go in, with all the nonensical austerity and the extent to which "education" is just training in conformity. Things that suggests a small willingness to not conform to expectations by the staff are, to me, usually a pretty good thing.

I do agree if one of the men (given it is an all girls school) came in in y-fronts, I would feel differently. But that would be because of concerns about sexual boundaries, not "inappropriateness for an office context".

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So one rule for females and a completely different one for men. Do you know how ridiculous you sound.

Milly16 · 22/05/2026 08:06

Some of these responses are bonkers. A 16 year old is not a child physically and most are well aware or becoming aware of their impact on boys and men. I would expect everyone in my team to dress modestly and appropriately at work as it is a professional environment where i don't want people getting distracted. The girls are young and it's ok to let them know that there are times where a vest top is inappropriate. And yes, shoulders, legs, cleavage etc can be distracting!

Original poster

FreeeeeeeeFreeFalling · 22/05/2026 08:05

HollyGolightly4 · 22/05/2026 08:04

Was the comment made by a woman?

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Yes

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Original poster

FreeeeeeeeFreeFalling · 22/05/2026 08:05

Sirzy · 22/05/2026 07:48

So you think a teacher should be able to work in a low cut top and hot pants then?

or the male teachers should be able to take their tops off mid lesson if too hot?

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You know what, if I went into school and my DD's teacher was wearing hotpants, I actually might be quite relieved/impressed. It's no wonder so many kids are so terrified they can't go in, with all the nonensical austerity and the extent to which "education" is just training in conformity. Things that suggests a small willingness to not conform to expectations by the staff are, to me, usually a pretty good thing.

I do agree if one of the men (given it is an all girls school) came in in y-fronts, I would feel differently. But that would be because of concerns about sexual boundaries, not "inappropriateness for an office context".

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HollyGolightly4 · 22/05/2026 08:04

FreeeeeeeeFreeFalling · 22/05/2026 07:43

To answer someone's question, this is an all girls' school. So the comment related to adult males who have chosen to work in a girls' school. I like to think that means they can tolerate teenage girls wearing what they like to wear for one or two days per year, without losing their minds. If not, what the hell do they do at the beach or in the park?

Was the comment made by a woman?

StandingDeskDisco · 22/05/2026 08:03

FreeeeeeeeFreeFalling · 22/05/2026 07:38

I have still never heard a decent argument for why anyone should accept unthinkingly the argument that "it's just not appropriate", about schoolwear, workwear, or whatever. As I think people on this thread have said, this is hugely tied to time, location, religion, etc. Victorians and ankles (etc etc). Toe the invisible, moving, sexist, unequally-applied line, everyone.

If you are talking about sexist and unequal codes, consider what men have to wear in office jobs in hot summers.
Women can wear loose sleeveless blouses and airy skirts, and often open sandals are acceptable.
Men have to wear collared shirts, full length trousers, socks, and shoes.

There is no decent argument for why anyone should accept unthinkingly anything. We should all think for ourselves and use our brains.

That doesn't necessarily mean rebelling against very widely accepted dress codes and standards.
Having thought it through, I am still against women wearing skimpy leisure wear in workplaces and schools, but I am equally against men being expected to be over-dressed in hot weather.

Parcelpass · 22/05/2026 08:03

Somethingtosayagain · 22/05/2026 07:17

British people are SO strange about shoulders/upper arms.

And also bare legs, to a lesser degree.

And visible toes/feet.

In Australia, people of all ages up to the most elderly women have these on show on the regular.

Nonsense. Brits are certainly not shy to strip off as soon as the sun comes out! However this is a school setting OP is talking about.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 22/05/2026 08:02

FreeeeeeeeFreeFalling · 22/05/2026 07:55

Well, not necessarily. But I think we should have a good argument for why they can't, if that's what we're expecting. And personally, I honestly wouldn't mind at all one of my daughter's teachers wearing hot pants and a vest. I don't see why it would relate to how well she taught my daughter (and it might make her quite relatable, in fact)

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Relatable by wearing hot pants and a vest top.
Can you imagine a teacher dressed like that. My teenage daughter would hate that and not relate at all.
There is a dress code in life for a reason.

ladyrinths · 22/05/2026 08:02

It wouldn’t be appropriate at work to flash too much flesh so why at school

ladyrinths · 22/05/2026 07:59

I have mixed feelings on this. I live near a 6th form and some of the students were skirts and shorts so short you can see the bottom bum crease. I think it’s inappropriate for anyone

Sirzy · 22/05/2026 07:59

FreeeeeeeeFreeFalling · 22/05/2026 07:55

Well, not necessarily. But I think we should have a good argument for why they can't, if that's what we're expecting. And personally, I honestly wouldn't mind at all one of my daughter's teachers wearing hot pants and a vest. I don't see why it would relate to how well she taught my daughter (and it might make her quite relatable, in fact)

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I think part of the issue is some people have no standards then!

Original poster

FreeeeeeeeFreeFalling · 22/05/2026 07:55

Sirzy · 22/05/2026 07:48

So you think a teacher should be able to work in a low cut top and hot pants then?

or the male teachers should be able to take their tops off mid lesson if too hot?

Show quote history

Well, not necessarily. But I think we should have a good argument for why they can't, if that's what we're expecting. And personally, I honestly wouldn't mind at all one of my daughter's teachers wearing hot pants and a vest. I don't see why it would relate to how well she taught my daughter (and it might make her quite relatable, in fact)

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IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 22/05/2026 07:55

FreeeeeeeeFreeFalling · 22/05/2026 07:38

I have still never heard a decent argument for why anyone should accept unthinkingly the argument that "it's just not appropriate", about schoolwear, workwear, or whatever. As I think people on this thread have said, this is hugely tied to time, location, religion, etc. Victorians and ankles (etc etc). Toe the invisible, moving, sexist, unequally-applied line, everyone.

Alright, so do something about it to get it changed if you feel that strongly.

In the meantime, it's not appropriate for the setting. Either accept it or set your child up to be completely unprepared for the real world.

Doingtheboxerbeat · 22/05/2026 07:54

I hate hate hate this thread so much, because as much as I hate the idea of telling a 7 year old to cover up (yes me 🤚 I was an early developer 😖) I know what happens when you don't.

Men.

That's all.

StandingDeskDisco · 22/05/2026 07:54

FreeeeeeeeFreeFalling · 21/05/2026 20:03

But what does "apppropriate for school" even mean?

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Similar to the type of clothes suitable for an office job.
A vest top would not be acceptable in any office I have ever worked in.

Angrybird76 · 22/05/2026 07:54

Namesuggestion101 · 22/05/2026 07:42

Where have you done this? They have been things I haven't thought of in this thread that I have responded to accordingly.

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I didnt say I had done anything. I said I didnt feel that you were applying your advice to me, to yourself. If you think you have, that's fine. I have my view and you have yours. I dont believe that everyone has to think the same, and I dont resort to being rude to people who don't think the same way. before you say to haven't been rude, the things you have said that o think are rude are ' maybe you should educate yourself' 'maybe you should Google this' 'you have no idea what its like to be a teenage boy' please can you open your eyes a little' 'well done for controlling your son's erections' to name but a few. I have no doubt you will come back saying that they are not rude, but i think they are. Generally I find people who have to be aggressive to try to get their point across, fail miserably, but never see it. But anyway, it's a lovely day and a sunny bank holiday for once and I hope you enjoy the sunshine.

JustAnUdea · 22/05/2026 07:53

The good news is if you complain, they will solve the isdue by not having non uniform days.

Your child was dressed inaporopriately. If shes not tkld that, she wont learn.