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Original poster

To not make my 4yo wear clothes at home?

135 replies

Schnapps00 · 21/05/2026 17:59

4.5yo has always been a bit 'sensory', but for some reason it's really ramped up in the last couple of months and it's got to the point where we can't get her dressed in the morning if it's the weekend/for an outing. Currently travels naked in the car to preschool, wrap her in a towel and her teachers get her dressed inside the door (just T-shirt/shorts) 🙈 She seems to manage fine with them on all day, then will generally keep them on in the evening after nursery (we recently had the same T-shirt on 3 days straight 😬)

It's prolonged screaming/meltdown if we try at home, I've tried many times to just whip on a pair of shorts and pick her up/walk off, but it's thrashing/screaming/kicking/biting/scratching and pulling them down as soon as she's able to, lots of lots of dysregulation, up to 1.5hr bouts for other reasons (if she gets the clothes off she's generally ok again quickly) - general limits or things not going her way will also set her off.

Extends to other areas too, just started refusing nighttime pullup as well (luckily she seems to be mostly night training herself in the process there..!)

I'm not sure if we're setting her up for failure by 'letting' her go naked at home? It's got to the point where she sometimes wants to go out, but just can't deal with any clothes on, which is the part that concerns me/makes me sad.
Possibly related to impending school start, her big sis already goes to it, so she's very aware of change soon.. Extra needs or just exerting control where she can?

It's getting exhausting and I'm wondering where all this ends up..Had an initial chat with HV but no magic wands waved.

Thanks so much for any thoughts!!

OP posts:
NotMeNoNo · 21/05/2026 20:34

I would ask for ann immediate referral to paediatric team who should be able to send you for sensory needs assessment and then therapy if needed. If you get on the waiting list then if there are problems at school you will hopefully be not too long from an appointment.

LakieLady · 21/05/2026 20:34

ApricotRow · 21/05/2026 18:19

I had one that hated wearing clothes, the rule at home was pants had to be worn but if they didn’t want to wear anything else that was fine. That was due to visitors (adults and siblings friends) and I just didn’t think totally naked was appropriate.

however they would wear clothes happily when going out.

As a toddler, my DB hated wearing pants and trousers, and spent a fair amount of time barearsed when at home but was fine wearing them when out.

I can recall our DM telling him he'd be in trouble with the police if he went out without trousers and pants on, which seemed to do the trick.

Original poster
Schnapps00 · 21/05/2026 20:33

Bloodorangekangaroo · 21/05/2026 20:32

He’s 12 and still the same. If he could he would walk around in underwear all day. I have insisted lounge trousers must be worn and underwear in the home. As soon as he gets in he takes his clothes off and the lounge wear comes out. Bare foot at home as well. He was diagnosed as adhd when he was 8. Apparently his clothing issue is part of his diagnosis. As a baby he hated clothes.

Interesting, we didn't really see any issues with clothes until around 2.5, it was (previous) nursery polo shirt that kicked it off..

OP posts:
Original poster
Schnapps00 · 21/05/2026 20:33

PragmaticIsh · 21/05/2026 20:26

It's definitely at the more extreme end of the sensory area to refuse all clothes, but some clothing refusal is really common.

DD is autistic and has always had massive issues with socks, shoes, tight pants. DS has adhd and only wore pants at home for most of the time until about 10.

If you can afford it, a sensory-specialist occupational therapist might be able to help. You'd need to go private. We paid about £450 for a first session, but it was a two hour session and they worked completely with DD and at her pace of being able to explain things.

That's very helpful, thank you & we'll look into it, I'd redirect our budget for a new kitchen at this point to be able to leave the house normally..!!

OP posts:
Bloodorangekangaroo · 21/05/2026 20:32

He’s 12 and still the same. If he could he would walk around in underwear all day. I have insisted lounge trousers must be worn and underwear in the home. As soon as he gets in he takes his clothes off and the lounge wear comes out. Bare foot at home as well. He was diagnosed as adhd when he was 8. Apparently his clothing issue is part of his diagnosis. As a baby he hated clothes.

PragmaticIsh · 21/05/2026 20:29

Schnapps00 · 21/05/2026 20:25

Yeah I've tried that as a compromise, she's always willing in theory..but then it ends up either walking in in towel or being carried thrashing/kicking either by me or teachers 🙈 The crazy thing is she's always really happy once she's there & dressed, we often get a photo 10mins later of her smiling/playing, little tinker!

And potentially, yes, she's always been very shy/suspicious of anyone outside immediate family, very fussy eater..other than that nothing too stereotypically autistic, no stimming/intense interests or social difficulties with her peers (although maybe it's too early for that to show?)

Edited
Show quote history

This might be a transition issue, as much as clothing. So the ability to cope with actually doing the transition from undressed to dressed is too much, rather than coping with being dressed. DD can't cope with getting into a shower, but she's found laying under a weighted blanket beforehand helps to calm her enough to manage it.

PragmaticIsh · 21/05/2026 20:26

It's definitely at the more extreme end of the sensory area to refuse all clothes, but some clothing refusal is really common.

DD is autistic and has always had massive issues with socks, shoes, tight pants. DS has adhd and only wore pants at home for most of the time until about 10.

If you can afford it, a sensory-specialist occupational therapist might be able to help. You'd need to go private. We paid about £450 for a first session, but it was a two hour session and they worked completely with DD and at her pace of being able to explain things.

Original poster
Schnapps00 · 21/05/2026 20:25

lechatdhenri · 21/05/2026 20:21

I know a kid like this, they just can’t cope with clothes at home. They often get dressed/undressed in the car, would that be an option? I can kind of sympathise in that I can cope with fitted clothes while I’m out but the minute I get home I feel itchy and uncomfortable, but I know this is clearly on another level.
Are there other issues that point to SEN or neurodiversity?

Yeah I've tried that as a compromise, she's always willing in theory..but then it ends up either walking in in towel or being carried thrashing/kicking either by me or teachers 🙈 The crazy thing is she's always really happy once she's there & dressed, we often get a photo 10mins later of her smiling/playing, little tinker!

And potentially, yes, she's always been very shy/suspicious of anyone outside immediate family, very fussy eater..other than that nothing too stereotypically autistic, no stimming/intense interests or social difficulties with her peers (although maybe it's too early for that to show?)

OP posts:
Original poster
Schnapps00 · 21/05/2026 20:23

PurpleThistle7 · 21/05/2026 18:58

I think you need to seek help asap as this isn’t sustainable and you need to have a plan. My daughter is autistic and has strong feelings about fabrics and tightness and shoes (been wearing the same pair of trainers in increasing sizes for years now) but therapy really helped her frame her concerns as well as how to help support her. Your situation sounds really extreme and unsustainable though so I’d get some help now.

Thanks for your thoughts, this is kind of reassuring but also a bit of a concern that we're not going mad..and it is pretty extreme 😔 What age was she when she started the therapy? NHS or private? Thank you. The HV will request a paediatric referral but apparently it's 9m+ wait, or 2yrs+ if it's initiated once she's started school so not much help for now..

OP posts:
lechatdhenri · 21/05/2026 20:21

I know a kid like this, they just can’t cope with clothes at home. They often get dressed/undressed in the car, would that be an option? I can kind of sympathise in that I can cope with fitted clothes while I’m out but the minute I get home I feel itchy and uncomfortable, but I know this is clearly on another level.
Are there other issues that point to SEN or neurodiversity?

Original poster
Schnapps00 · 21/05/2026 20:20

Endofyear · 21/05/2026 18:55

My autistic son went through a phase of undressing himself constantly around 3. I always redressed him, sometimes many, many times a day. The thing is, it's cute and nobody minds when they're 3 or 4 but it's a whole different ballgame when they're 15 and won't keep their clothes on! If the school are managing to dress her and keep her clothed, then you can too. I would persist in getting clothes on her, even if it's just pants and a loose fitting cotton dress.

Did he fight it like a caged tiger? What about outings, did you drop the battle while that was going on or persist in getting him out? Nothing about this seems cute, trust me! Thanks for sharing

OP posts:
Original poster
Schnapps00 · 21/05/2026 20:19

bridgetreilly · 21/05/2026 18:57

Yes, I would definitely want pants on even at home.

Oh I really do too!! We've compromised with a blanket she sits on for now..not ideal.

OP posts:
Original poster
Schnapps00 · 21/05/2026 20:18

WeatherOrNothing · 21/05/2026 18:47

If teachers can dress her then why can’t you? And if she can keep her clothes on at school then why not at home? You’re making a problem for yourself.maybe some less restrictive options would be better, but no clothes is just a problem brewing

If you can let me know less restrictive than a T-shirt, I'm all ears! And how you do make a child put clothes on when they're screaming/thrashing/ripping them off repeatedly? I must be missing something!

OP posts:
Original poster
Schnapps00 · 21/05/2026 20:15

Hairyfairy01 · 21/05/2026 18:42

It’s one thing with small kids not being keen on wearing clothes, but this sounds extreme and something you don’t appear to be managing. What are your plans for when she starts school? Or a club or activity? The fact that other people manage to dress her suggests perhaps you need to be a bit more firm? Is she trying to assert some control? Can you give her a choice of 2 clothing items and let her pick?

Oh, haha if only I'd given her a choice..sorry don't mean to be sarcastic, but it feels like we've tried everything at this point - she'll happily pick out an outfit the night before, then her body just shuts down and won't take it when it comes to it - it's like 2 completely different halves of her body wanting different things! School start is what's concerning me, they also seem fabulous with SEN issues (thank god!), but yes walking her in in a towel is not going to cut it 🙈
She's recently started swimming lessons and manages a swimming costume ok, but it's reduced to essential outings only at the moment unfortunately, she will want to go but in the event just can't manage it. I was in tears in a car park the other day while holding a thrashing banshee and trying to hold shorts up on her :( We gave up and went home after an hour in the carpark. This isn't normal, is it..

OP posts:
Original poster
Schnapps00 · 21/05/2026 20:12

ForestHare · 21/05/2026 18:04

This sounds similar to my autistic ds, although he had a sunny disposition, he never kept clothes on at home.

Have you tried different materials to see if any clothes might feel ok for her? The nursery sound lovely. Would a dressing gown work for transport?

Ohh we've tried all the clothes we can, ha - just been shopping with her again this eve to try to have her pick things out. Trouble is, her thinking brain is fine with a lot of different things, her body just says no in the moment 🙈 Her nursery staff are fabulous, it's a Montessori preschool and they truly meet each child where they're at, it's brilliant ❤️

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 21/05/2026 19:15

I think you need to start to tackle this somehow as this won’t be an acceptable solution to take her to school in a towel and the teacher dress her. You need to seek some professional help then stay consistent.

Monty36 · 21/05/2026 19:12

At four and a half and these issues you need to get professional help. A school will not dress her. And should not be expected to.

PurpleThistle7 · 21/05/2026 18:58

I think you need to seek help asap as this isn’t sustainable and you need to have a plan. My daughter is autistic and has strong feelings about fabrics and tightness and shoes (been wearing the same pair of trainers in increasing sizes for years now) but therapy really helped her frame her concerns as well as how to help support her. Your situation sounds really extreme and unsustainable though so I’d get some help now.

bridgetreilly · 21/05/2026 18:57

Yes, I would definitely want pants on even at home.

Endofyear · 21/05/2026 18:55

My autistic son went through a phase of undressing himself constantly around 3. I always redressed him, sometimes many, many times a day. The thing is, it's cute and nobody minds when they're 3 or 4 but it's a whole different ballgame when they're 15 and won't keep their clothes on! If the school are managing to dress her and keep her clothed, then you can too. I would persist in getting clothes on her, even if it's just pants and a loose fitting cotton dress.

MrSchubertWhiskers · 21/05/2026 18:52

WeatherOrNothing · 21/05/2026 18:47

If teachers can dress her then why can’t you? And if she can keep her clothes on at school then why not at home? You’re making a problem for yourself.maybe some less restrictive options would be better, but no clothes is just a problem brewing

Children respond differently to external authority figures and home is the safe place where they can meltdown.

Clefable · 21/05/2026 18:50

How’s her communication? Are you able to have a discussion about it and decide on some rules together that you can maybe write down and stick fridge? Or talk about what is bothering her? Is it the feeling of the clothes, seams, the tightness, etc.

RaincloudSundae · 21/05/2026 18:49

Just a gentle reminder to everyone to please be mindful of how much specific, personal information we share about our children on public, anonymous threads. It’s always best to stick to seeking professional advice from your HV or GP for these kinds of complex behavioural concerns.

WeatherOrNothing · 21/05/2026 18:47

If teachers can dress her then why can’t you? And if she can keep her clothes on at school then why not at home? You’re making a problem for yourself.maybe some less restrictive options would be better, but no clothes is just a problem brewing

Hairyfairy01 · 21/05/2026 18:42

It’s one thing with small kids not being keen on wearing clothes, but this sounds extreme and something you don’t appear to be managing. What are your plans for when she starts school? Or a club or activity? The fact that other people manage to dress her suggests perhaps you need to be a bit more firm? Is she trying to assert some control? Can you give her a choice of 2 clothing items and let her pick?