To not make my 4yo wear clothes at home?

My four year is likely autistic (already been nearly a year on a waiting list) and he always strips off. Nappy and all at home. At nursery he isn't that bad. I did expect him to try stripping but he hasn't. Loose school dresses are a good idea. I wouldn't hope to be seen quickly unless you pay private. Many of us are on waiting lists.

Excellent - im glad you have the referral in place! I would ignore the previous poster who says you are setting her up for failure by not cming down hard on this - you are doing a fab job!

Unpopular opinion here: Not all issues with children are down to neurodiversity. Some are just products of poor parenting, lack of boundaries and/or routines.

You allow your 4 year old to hit and kick you. With your reaction to be just to block it... When they are 10 years old do you think this will be enough? You need to teach her right from wrong.

What downside would there be in talking to the GP about assessment? I mean, it's not going to make her neurdiverse if she isn't 😉

https://bedslutonchildrenshealth.nhs.uk/services/bedfordshire-and-luton-childrens-occupational-therapy-service/helping-your-child-with-sensitivities/strategies-for-dressing-sensitive-children/ Don’t know if there are some additional tips but cotton and conditioner and seam free clothing may help if not already mentioned.

You seem to really want this to be neurosiversity. Lots of talk about sensory issues and dysregulation.
Considering she spends all day in her clothes and only refuses to put them on with you, suggests this could be behaviour. Pp. Have suggested you deal with it like you would other behaviour and i agree with them. Hitting and kicking you is unacceptable. Not doing as you are told is unacceptable. This needs to be dealt with not or will continue, when she doesn't want to do something she knows exactly how to get out of it. At 4 it may not be so much of a problem, but at 6, 8 and 10 it definitely will. Clothes are not an option, you are setting her up for failure here, even ND children have to wear clothes.

I think you need some help. Go see your GP and ask for a referral. You haven’t got long before school starts.

They absolutely do have play dates. I have an almost 4yo and we’ve been doing them since around 2.5y. All with school friends. Go to the park, play at home, each others homes, etc. it’s definitely done where I am

Thanks, I didn't see that

I just wanted to say op... some pp have said your dc is definitely ND and it's not just a phase but I think there's an element of bias there.

I've posted before under a name change years ago as my dd went through a phase of about three years between the age of 1 and 4 where she couldn't bear water on her face or head. Like, really properly screaming and trembling in real pain/panic if water touched her head, not just a little whinge. I can't even exaggerate her response, it was honestly like we were burning her. Washing her hair was so incredibly distressing that we only did it once or twice a month. People told me that this was a sign of autism-related sensory sensitivity (combined with other behaviours).

Now she's 5, she washes her hair no problem. It was like a switch flipped. She's just fine with it now. Enjoys the bath.

She still has her idiosyncrasies, eg she is quite introverted, but she's doing fine at school both academically and socially and if she does turn out to be ND, it seems like it'll be very mild.

So these things can be a phase.

One of mine was very difficult about clothes from ages 2-4. Dressing involved huge tantrums. Lots of sensory issues. We didn't do nursery so he could just wear what he wanted and that often involved lots of nudity. He was very stubborn and to those who suggest you just out-stubborn them - that worked with some of my children, but not others. The end goal is happy, healthy children who can function in society, and we take different paths to get different children there. My son liked a particular cartoon character and would wear light shorts and T-shirts with this character on, so that was what he lived in for several years. Longer term, he has shown a lot of ASD characteristics, as have some of my other DC. He has heightened sensory awareness, tastes and notices things that most don't. He has always been particular about his clothes and as an adult, he dresses beautifully, often in classic vintage clothes. He greatly enjoys fine food and is nearing the end of a highly respected professional qualification. I can't say more without being outing but just wanted to reassure you that a bloody difficult young child can turn out well (though still bloody difficult at times!). Feel free to dm me if you want the details of what we did educationally.

They do - eczema specialist clothing which some have linked to up thread.

Does your 4 year old not have friends round or does she not go to friends’ houses? What happens then? What happens when your older child has friends round?
I remember when my daughter was about 4 and we visited friends whose daughter went upstairs and stripped naked and encouraged my daughter to follow suit. I wasn’t happy about it and made mine get dressed again. Shortly afterwards the same child visited our house, squashed fruit into my furniture and shoved a whole toilet roll down the toilet. I have no idea if she was ND or not, but mutual visits stopped then and I was only happy to meet in the park or cafe.

They really ought to make some clothes with outer-facing seams, or seamless, for those with sensory issues.

I meant to add also we went through a phase when he was older maybe around 7 of having a rule - you can’t sit on the sofa with no underpants on. This worked but as he got older he transitioned to wrapping himeself in his comfy blanket - but now will run upstairs and hide from unexpected visitors and dress for expected ones 🤣. He used to just happily run around naked whatever 😬.

if you’ve not looked at it already I’d look up sensory processing disorder it can be separate but often co-exists with autism. We found with my boy also he preferred clothes a size or 2 bigger, some children prefer them small and tights. But by god help me if there’s seams and labels 🤣🤣

Sounds like my son who’s now 12 and autistic . He still loves to be naked at home although in the last year he will now still strip naked but wrap a blanket around him to protect his modesty. But he still gets home from high school and strips. He struggled and struggles very much with clothes. I tried for soo long to fight him to wear ‘normal clothes’ and one day woke up to the fact of how would I feel or learn if all I could feel was a scratchy label or feeling itchy everywhere. And started to work with him more not against
He wore the primary PE kit instead of a uniform. He has found a specific t shirt he likes and he has multiple of those and shorts that he likes and has multiple of but in different colours (lots of trial, error, him saying he liked it when he tried it in a shop but not liking it once we’d got home and taken off the labels etc etc) we also went through so many and so much money finding underpants he could wear but I buy multiples in different sizes (and he will only wear 1 colour out of the 3 in the packs grrr). But he has matured lots and with some adjustments is managing high school uniform. I’m so proud of him and who cares if he strips when he’s home to be out of his uncomfy clothes.

But I very much sympathise and know it’s not as easy as punishing or parenting. I feel for you. And I know how much they want to be able to do it but just can’t.

My youngest basically has a uniform that he wears to his non-uniform school - same trousers, t-shirt, jumper (refuses pants - tried all the standard stuff to get him to wear them). He lives in them, and changes them reluctantly - so once you find something she'll tolerate, quietly, without fanfare, buy enough for the week so you can embed the success.

I absolutely recommend OTs - my eldest is dyspraxic (not the stubborn one, although he has his moments) and an OT is what got him to the level where he could actually dress himself and even do up zips and buttons (we've given up on shoelaces) and brought his handwriting to a standard where at least he (and dedicated teachers) could read it. They do wonders!

One thing though - make sure you shop around a bit - we've had a couple of excellent experiences, but also some that were definitely just dialling it in. If you get the impression that the OT isn't actually gelling with you and your daughter, do try another! I often find the report gives it away. One literally just cut and paste bits from my questionnaire, and in the practical let him retry things when he didn't get them first time, then counted it as a success (which is entirely against what they were testing for). Other ones listened and engaged and noticed when he was talking to them to distract them from the things he was finding hard.

My DS was like this up until he started school. I think the uniform requirement really helped, he recognised that school = uniform and he wanted to look like the other kids I guess. At nursery he was constantly removing his trousers to the extent the nursery manager hauled me in on more than one occasion because they couldn’t have him running around half naked. I wasn’t really sure what to do about it, the boy just liked his freedom! We let him roam around naked at home back then, now he wears onesies at home most of the time.

So yeah I hope your DD also outgrows it.

We had this with our ASD child. I’m sorry to be blunt but there is no chance this is an NT child. You need to push for an assessment now and hard. What helped was putting the tv on to his favourite show and then I dressed him. We did it every single morning even on the weekends. You just couldn’t lose the routine. He looked mad in a uniform on the weekends and I’m fairly sure people thought I was being too tight to buy him regular clothes!

As soon as they’re on you need to get out the door. Make it fun. Get the car or buggy or whatever completely ready to go. The tv goes off and you say ‘race you to the car!’ And Go! When they get to the car/buggy hand them a snack to eat. Whatever is their favourite. The idea is to distract from the transition.