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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be a bit annoyed my trip has been hijacked?

338 replies

HardyPlumEagle · 21/05/2026 14:55

I had a day out planned for Saturday, I was going to get up early and go, have a picnic for lunch and such. I was happy to go alone.

DS (young adult) asked if he could come along with me, of course I said. He often does.
Ds girlfriend then asked DS if she could also come as she has never been. Again no problem.

The issue is DS girlfriend works Friday night so she is not going to want to be up early and they have asked me to book a much later train not getting to the place till 2pm so she can sleep (which is fair enough) but I feel sidelined.
What was supposed to be a nice day out has turned into two hours at most.
It is quite a distance on multiple trains and DS is not confident with the journey alone or I would go and let them come later.

Aibu to be a bit pissed about this or should I just suck it up so as to be seen as welcoming to my ds girlfriend?
Also usually if I was going with just DS I would pay for his fare. Am I supposed to pay for GF too?
This is the first time I am dealing with girlfriends and such.
DS girlfriend did take out DS on a trip in their car for the day but my train fare will in effect triple.

OP posts:
Stoicandhappy · 21/05/2026 16:41

Shinyandnew1 · 21/05/2026 15:19

But the OP sounds like she’s booking train tickets, so needs to have that conversation now.

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Agreed!

burnbabyburnout · 21/05/2026 16:35

DS is adult enough to have a girlfriend but not get a train on his own? I don’t understand….

Cotton55 · 21/05/2026 16:25

And i voted 'you are being unreasonable ' as I can't believe you couldn't just say " you're both welcome to come. I'll be leaving on the 9am train so you can either come with me or meet me there later". Fullstop.

RockinCara · 21/05/2026 16:25

Personally I’d go on your own, they sound like they’re not going to have any respect for it being your planned day out. But it sounds like that will cause a drama too! If you go on the original planned day, you should definitely get the early train and spend a bit of time on your own before they get the later train together (he won’t be alone!) and catch you up.

Shinyandnew1 · 21/05/2026 16:21

If it’s your son who told you to be less stressy, then I would be clear that has annoyed you. Even if he is neurodivergent, that is something you should say.

If it’s the girlfriend who said it and he has relayed it to you, you can still tell him why that has upset you.

TimeToStopLurking · 21/05/2026 16:21

Can you go as planned with DS and she can get a later train by herself to join you both? Win win.

Millytante · 21/05/2026 16:20

Lurkingandlearning · 21/05/2026 15:42

Yes they have hijacked your lovely day and turned it into something rushed and expensive. Your son is going to have to start learning to be more considerate with people or he might end up quite lonely.

I think as he has already started criticising you it might be best to just let them have their way this time. Then do it the way you planned in a week or so and don’t tell him where you are going. Or if you must tell him, insist it is your turn to choose when to set off

A day out with a sulking pair of teens who feel majorly aggrieved by ever being crossed is a waste of a day. His behaviour should cement OP in determination to go it alone, and early, just as she had planned.

Cotton55 · 21/05/2026 16:20

HardyPlumEagle · 21/05/2026 15:48

For those asking me what I am going to do. I am off tomorrow. I am half debating getting up and just going tomorrow without either of them as ds won't be with me tomorrow and just telling them I changed plans.

But this is just another cop out. It means you don't have to assert yourself. What you'd be doing is pretending to them that you're changing your plans so you don't have to stand up to them and tell them that they're ridiculous in their request that you change everything for them. And then you'll have to come back with some made up story about the other fictitious place you went to instead. Crazy!!

Your son may be neurodivergent, but he is capable of having a girlfriend so should be well able to navigate 2 trains. You also said he doesn't want to go with her, that he'd prefer to go with you. So clearly he's well able to go with another adult (gf) but would rather go with you. Which is different to being unable to go without you. So if he wants to go with you, he's up for the earlier train. Simple as that.
Tbh, i can't understand how this is an actual issue for someone. Please do some sort of assertiveness course.

Daisymail · 21/05/2026 16:20

HardyPlumEagle · 21/05/2026 15:48

For those asking me what I am going to do. I am off tomorrow. I am half debating getting up and just going tomorrow without either of them as ds won't be with me tomorrow and just telling them I changed plans.

Yes, do this.

Nip this in the bud now. If they are old enough to be in a relationship and hold down a job, they are old enough to make a train journey together (and pay their own travel costs).

JamesFrond · 21/05/2026 16:19

Pistachiocake · 21/05/2026 16:11

Many people would be delighted their child and partner wanted to join them-I get you were happy going alone, but you can maybe do this another time-I'd not turn down the chance to develop my relationship with the couple. So many women say their adult child and partner abandon them, so while obviously this relationship, like any other, might not work out long-term, it's surely good to get used to your son being comfortable out with you and his girfriend? Regarding the money, if you can easily afford it, I would offer to pay IF they are hard-up, but not otherwise.

I would. I would ‘turn down the chance’.

She was looking forward to a day out and had budgeted for it. She doesn’t want to triple the cost and spend less time on the day out she had planned.

Women, even mothers are allowed to do things for themselves.

tiptoethrutulips · 21/05/2026 16:17

"This is the train I will be on. If you're not there, I'll assume you're not coming."

VickyEadie · 21/05/2026 16:15

Itsseweasy · 21/05/2026 15:04

What have I just read?!
No that doesn’t suit you. If the girlfriend wants to join you then she knows the time she needs to get up by!
If she doesn’t want to make the effort to get the earlier train then she doesn’t come.
Are you always this passive OP?

This. Honestly, OP, if your DS is old enough to have a girlfriend, they're both old enough to be told it doesn't work for you.

Abouteffingtime · 21/05/2026 16:14

Theres nothing wrong with saying "of course you can come, I am getting the 8am train".

Followed up with, oh no, i dobt want to get there that late. I am getting the 8am train. On repeat.

ButterYellowFlowers · 21/05/2026 16:14

He’s an adult? He can do the trains alone. If he’s not confident then he needs experience to become so.

Millytante · 21/05/2026 16:13

HardyPlumEagle · 21/05/2026 15:46

She doesn't have a car. I meant her parents took them.
In regards to DS there are needs at play. He isn't a neuroptypical fully independent age appropriate teenager.

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Completely irrelevant. They do not invite themselves on to your personal day out and cap that by insisting you change it to suit them.

Abouteffingtime · 21/05/2026 16:12

LadyDanburysHat · 21/05/2026 14:56

Don't agree to the later train. Say you wanted a full day out and if they can't do that, then you can go with them another time.

Another agreement with this

FizzleGONE · 21/05/2026 16:11

I would personally say You are catching the train at X time and you were not planning to leave so late so they are welcome to come at X time and if they cant make that then no worries that you can all go another time.

GF will just have to be tired for the day. If they come then I would say train fare is X amount and can they transfer it across or tell them which train to book.

Pistachiocake · 21/05/2026 16:11

Many people would be delighted their child and partner wanted to join them-I get you were happy going alone, but you can maybe do this another time-I'd not turn down the chance to develop my relationship with the couple. So many women say their adult child and partner abandon them, so while obviously this relationship, like any other, might not work out long-term, it's surely good to get used to your son being comfortable out with you and his girfriend? Regarding the money, if you can easily afford it, I would offer to pay IF they are hard-up, but not otherwise.

DeftGoldHedgehog · 21/05/2026 16:11

NotEnglish · 21/05/2026 15:15

Well, if DS wants to travel with you, he'll have to take the earlier train, as that's the one you are taking.
His girlfriend can decide to also take the early train with the two of you, or the later train alone, and meet you there.

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That's it. He has two choices.

Ritaskitchen · 21/05/2026 16:10

You also sound like a very kind Mum. Teenagers - no matter that they have going on in their lives - can be a pain in the bum!

Feis123 · 21/05/2026 16:10

HardyPlumEagle · 21/05/2026 16:03

To be fair plenty of people with SEN have girlfriends. He didn't go out and chat her up at a bar and start a relationship. They met at the supported work experience placement he attends.

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I apologise unreservedly - your op never said he was sen. I apologise.

Nanny0gg · 21/05/2026 16:09

HardyPlumEagle · 21/05/2026 15:10

Thank you everyone.
I have suggested we go another day so that we could have more time and was told I was creating stress for no reason and that it would be enough time.

I have no objection to paying for DS or his girlfriend and if I had invited them I absolutely would have but my day out has turned into a suggested couple of hours for nearly £100 instead of the £30 I would have paid alone and they invited themselves.

There are medical factors which affect why DS wouldn't be confident with the journey alone. I have suggested he come later with her but he wants to travel together.

You're not the one creating stress

They're changing your plans

No.

Ritaskitchen · 21/05/2026 16:09

It isn’t fair enough to get the later train. If they want to come they go along with your plan.
Maybe DS could practise doing short journeys to improve his confidence- disabilities withstanding - it’s an essential life skill to confidently use public transport as a young adult.
Also she is you and presumably fit. A bit of lost sleep isn’t the end of the world and she could nap on the train.

Imdunfer · 21/05/2026 16:08

I voted that you are being unreasonable because you did not have to agree to this and having agreed to it you are now unhappy about it.

Tell them you are going back to your original plan of going alone.

Chocyulelog · 21/05/2026 16:08

You're allowing this to happen.

Just say no, or meet them there? It's so easy