Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To be a bit annoyed my trip has been hijacked?

338 replies

HardyPlumEagle · 21/05/2026 14:55

I had a day out planned for Saturday, I was going to get up early and go, have a picnic for lunch and such. I was happy to go alone.

DS (young adult) asked if he could come along with me, of course I said. He often does.
Ds girlfriend then asked DS if she could also come as she has never been. Again no problem.

The issue is DS girlfriend works Friday night so she is not going to want to be up early and they have asked me to book a much later train not getting to the place till 2pm so she can sleep (which is fair enough) but I feel sidelined.
What was supposed to be a nice day out has turned into two hours at most.
It is quite a distance on multiple trains and DS is not confident with the journey alone or I would go and let them come later.

Aibu to be a bit pissed about this or should I just suck it up so as to be seen as welcoming to my ds girlfriend?
Also usually if I was going with just DS I would pay for his fare. Am I supposed to pay for GF too?
This is the first time I am dealing with girlfriends and such.
DS girlfriend did take out DS on a trip in their car for the day but my train fare will in effect triple.

OP posts:
Roastiesarethebestbit · 21/05/2026 20:17

Sound like it is time for your son to get some travel training https://servicesguide.reading.gov.uk/kb5/reading/directory/service.page?id=6pDCXQfMVOg&familychannel=0

SleepingStandingUp · 21/05/2026 20:14

BillieWiper · 21/05/2026 18:19

You don't believe your son and his gf would be confident enough to make their own way there? Unless they're under about 15 or have SEN I don't see why they'd struggle to do it?

Surely you could meet them at the venue after you've wandered around for a couple of hours alone?

op has clearly said they do

SleepingStandingUp · 21/05/2026 20:13

Pinkissmart · 21/05/2026 19:21

They have a car? Can’t they drive?

both teens has SEN, her parents drove. at least read ops posts

WhosThatGirI · 21/05/2026 20:05

Say, sorry love, Iits not a day out on a later train, lets book something for another time for all of us xx

Esmeraldathe3rd · 21/05/2026 20:04

Nah I think you need to teach them some manners. Your son is being very rude. And you need to tell him that.

"I have made plans for myself. You have asked to join me, I did not invite you. You have then changed my plans and complained that I am being awkward to have a problem with that." "You can't treat people like that, it's really bad manners. My plans are such-and-such, you are welcome to join me. Or you can go by yourselves whenever you want. You will also be paying for yourselves as you have invited yourselves."

Or you'll end up your kid being the bloke everyone avoids and don't tell about their own plans because he's rude and selfish.

AnnieBond · 21/05/2026 20:00

BrendaSmall · 21/05/2026 19:56

If he wants to travel with you then he leaves the same time as you!
If the girlfriend drives why don’t she give you all a lift?

Show quote history

She doesn't drive (it was her parents taking them out)

AnnieBond · 21/05/2026 19:59

HardyPlumEagle · 21/05/2026 16:03

To be fair plenty of people with SEN have girlfriends. He didn't go out and chat her up at a bar and start a relationship. They met at the supported work experience placement he attends.

Show quote history

Absolutely!

The other poster doesn't seem to know much about additional needs.

I hadn't read your post about his additional needs when I posted my previous post 🌷

BrendaSmall · 21/05/2026 19:56

HardyPlumEagle · 21/05/2026 15:10

Thank you everyone.
I have suggested we go another day so that we could have more time and was told I was creating stress for no reason and that it would be enough time.

I have no objection to paying for DS or his girlfriend and if I had invited them I absolutely would have but my day out has turned into a suggested couple of hours for nearly £100 instead of the £30 I would have paid alone and they invited themselves.

There are medical factors which affect why DS wouldn't be confident with the journey alone. I have suggested he come later with her but he wants to travel together.

If he wants to travel with you then he leaves the same time as you!
If the girlfriend drives why don’t she give you all a lift?

AnnieBond · 21/05/2026 19:55

Shinyandnew1 · 21/05/2026 15:13

It’s not up to them to tell you that you are creating stress for no reason. They are hijacking and ruining your day out.

Man up and tell them you’re getting the early train, ffs!

And most definitely this.

DS should have just said to his girlfriend that you & he are leaving at 8am if she doesn't want to get up in time then she'll have to give it a miss or catch you up later.

THEY are making it stressy not you. I'd tell them I'd rather go alone now thanks!

Nogimachi · 21/05/2026 19:53

I would say that on reflection you are going to take the earlier train - they are welcome to join you at the later time.
You could simply not say any more than “because it suits me better” if they ask why, or you could say “I am older than you so if I travel somewhere I want a full day rather than rushing round in two hours” which they also can’t argue with.

EasilyPleased · 21/05/2026 19:52

HardyPlumEagle · 21/05/2026 15:27

Thanks everyone.
I used to be an assertive person but unfortunately PTSD gave that a bit of a battering!
I think it is more when DS girlfriend is involved. I don't want to come off looking like a twat to her family I suppose.

For heaven’s sake, OP, whose feelings about your day out are more important to you — your own, or the family of your child’s current girlfriend?

You’ve made plans. They’re welcome to join you in them, but only if they abide by your original timings.

AnnieBond · 21/05/2026 19:49

CanaryLibra · 21/05/2026 15:01

I would tell them “I’m getting the 8am train, you’re welcome to join me and if not I’m happy to have the day to myself and we’ll go again together another time”.

Wrt paying for the train for your DS girlfriend, if you’d invited her I’d say yes it would be nice of you to pay, but given she’s firstly invited herself, and secondly she has a job, then she can pay for her own train.

This. No point in recreating perfection!

EdithBond · 21/05/2026 19:48

Could you not compromise and go a little earlier? GF could have a nap on train on way there. Arriving at 2pm when you originally planned to leave early and have a picnic lunch seems a compromise too far.

Or you could go alone tomorrow and spend Sat afternoon doing something else with them. Then, you get your day out. Yet you still get to bond with DS GF.

If GF works she should offer to pay her own fare, though I’d prob be generous and pay it.

Rightsraptor · 21/05/2026 19:47

People tend to attempt to re-make arrangements to suit themselves. Learn to resist this now before your son and girlfriend get to expect it.

Brokentoes85 · 21/05/2026 19:45

HardyPlumEagle · 21/05/2026 15:10

Thank you everyone.
I have suggested we go another day so that we could have more time and was told I was creating stress for no reason and that it would be enough time.

I have no objection to paying for DS or his girlfriend and if I had invited them I absolutely would have but my day out has turned into a suggested couple of hours for nearly £100 instead of the £30 I would have paid alone and they invited themselves.

There are medical factors which affect why DS wouldn't be confident with the journey alone. I have suggested he come later with her but he wants to travel together.

They didn't really incite themselves though, they asked and tiu said yes.

However it's your day that you planned, he doesn't get to tell you you are making it stressful when he can't even get a train alone (with his gf)

OhThePotential · 21/05/2026 19:44

Go on your own as planned, tell both of them that if they can’t do the early train they can’t come.

I don’t believe someone who had planned a day out alone is being so wet about this.

3luckystars · 21/05/2026 19:25

Go earlier with your son and tell her she can follow you down if she wants to.

Pinkissmart · 21/05/2026 19:21

They have a car? Can’t they drive?

ZenNudist · 21/05/2026 19:19

Don't be a martyr. Go on the timetable you wanted and don't pay for them. You won't look a twat.

FreyaW · 21/05/2026 19:19

HardyPlumEagle · 21/05/2026 14:55

I had a day out planned for Saturday, I was going to get up early and go, have a picnic for lunch and such. I was happy to go alone.

DS (young adult) asked if he could come along with me, of course I said. He often does.
Ds girlfriend then asked DS if she could also come as she has never been. Again no problem.

The issue is DS girlfriend works Friday night so she is not going to want to be up early and they have asked me to book a much later train not getting to the place till 2pm so she can sleep (which is fair enough) but I feel sidelined.
What was supposed to be a nice day out has turned into two hours at most.
It is quite a distance on multiple trains and DS is not confident with the journey alone or I would go and let them come later.

Aibu to be a bit pissed about this or should I just suck it up so as to be seen as welcoming to my ds girlfriend?
Also usually if I was going with just DS I would pay for his fare. Am I supposed to pay for GF too?
This is the first time I am dealing with girlfriends and such.
DS girlfriend did take out DS on a trip in their car for the day but my train fare will in effect triple.

I'd just say,.. this isn't going to work for me, better postpone it until a tine wheb GF isn't working late on the Fri.. and go ahead with your original plan

Plsudb · 21/05/2026 19:12

“The fifteen year old you have to wonder if he was fit for trial. Their learning difficulties / ADHD were assessed as being in the bottom 1% for their age”

well, the person was apparently fit to be out without supervision, so therefore, he is suitable for trial. Can’t have it both ways.

pictoosh · 21/05/2026 19:12

Responding by telling you that you are creating stress would be the nope factor for me. It's the implication that obviously you will accommodate the demand and not doing so is unreasonable.
Err...no.
A couple of hours for £100 versus all day for £30 without anyone else to consider. He has to understand. He's welcome along on your plan, otherwise no.

Butterme · 21/05/2026 19:11

vanessashanessa99 · 21/05/2026 18:59

Stop letting him dictate a day you planned. JUST GO Have your day alone. Stop pandering to a bloody man who can drive & can do it at a time and day that suits them ffs. "Creating stress" oh piss off.

Edited
Show quote history

I don’t think he can drive and will be taking the train with OP.

But I agree with you that OP shouldn’t let him dictate her day.

I’m sure if he and the gf really wanted to go, they could get the train together and meet OP there.

The gf is able enough to have a Friday night job and so I’m sure together they could work it out.

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 21/05/2026 19:07

Say you’re leaving at this time so I can have a full day especially with the long journey and they’re welcome to meet you?

vanessashanessa99 · 21/05/2026 18:59

HardyPlumEagle · 21/05/2026 15:10

Thank you everyone.
I have suggested we go another day so that we could have more time and was told I was creating stress for no reason and that it would be enough time.

I have no objection to paying for DS or his girlfriend and if I had invited them I absolutely would have but my day out has turned into a suggested couple of hours for nearly £100 instead of the £30 I would have paid alone and they invited themselves.

There are medical factors which affect why DS wouldn't be confident with the journey alone. I have suggested he come later with her but he wants to travel together.

Stop letting him dictate a day you planned. JUST GO Have your day alone. Stop pandering to a bloody man who can drive & can do it at a time and day that suits them ffs. "Creating stress" oh piss off.