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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a bit annoyed my trip has been hijacked?

338 replies

HardyPlumEagle · 21/05/2026 14:55

I had a day out planned for Saturday, I was going to get up early and go, have a picnic for lunch and such. I was happy to go alone.

DS (young adult) asked if he could come along with me, of course I said. He often does.
Ds girlfriend then asked DS if she could also come as she has never been. Again no problem.

The issue is DS girlfriend works Friday night so she is not going to want to be up early and they have asked me to book a much later train not getting to the place till 2pm so she can sleep (which is fair enough) but I feel sidelined.
What was supposed to be a nice day out has turned into two hours at most.
It is quite a distance on multiple trains and DS is not confident with the journey alone or I would go and let them come later.

Aibu to be a bit pissed about this or should I just suck it up so as to be seen as welcoming to my ds girlfriend?
Also usually if I was going with just DS I would pay for his fare. Am I supposed to pay for GF too?
This is the first time I am dealing with girlfriends and such.
DS girlfriend did take out DS on a trip in their car for the day but my train fare will in effect triple.

OP posts:
WallaceinAnderland · 22/05/2026 14:56

Enjoy yourself OP, don't give it another moment's thought.

Silvers11 · 22/05/2026 13:13

@HardyPlumEagle So pleased to see you went on your own today. Have a lovely day - and don't let your DS make you feel guilty when you get home. He may be ND but that doesn't mean he can't understand that he can't always have his own way.

Unpaidworkmakestheeconomytick · 22/05/2026 12:56

‘That doesn’t work for me’ is something I learned on Mumsnet. My daughter who also has very little ability to realise how she impacts other people’s lives, reacted very well when I said that. I don’t use it often as she does live independently but it is a really useful tool for pushing back.
Have a really lovely day today.

Motnight · 22/05/2026 12:51

Have a great day, Op.

ThreadGuardDog · 22/05/2026 12:48

Contrarymary30 · 21/05/2026 23:20

True never the less.

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It absolutely is not, and the comment is not only bizarre, it’s ableist. OP has been very clear that DS has SEN and met his girlfriend at a supported work placement. Or are you of the general opinion that disabled people shouldn’t have personal relationships ?

Fountinbeach · 22/05/2026 12:47

I hope you have a lovely day.
Mind yourself.

ThreadGuardDog · 22/05/2026 12:44

Confuserr · 21/05/2026 15:44

His girlfriend has a job, she can get on a train. Whatever medical issue he has he should be able to travel accompanied by another adult (his gf) without OP's relaxing day being ruined further by talking them through a journey.

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OP also says DS met his girlfriend at a supported work experience placement, which kind of suggests she may also have some issues.

lovemelongtime · 22/05/2026 12:34

Enjoy your day - but definitely hava think about how much your are "enabling" your son or possibly inadvertently restricting him. I am sure if he is able to have a girlfriend he could make a train journey with said girlfriend unless of course she also has medical reasons that preclude this. I think you just need to be a bit more confident of your own deicisons and not worry so much .

Daisymail · 22/05/2026 12:32

Have a lovely day 💐

MyMilchick · 22/05/2026 12:31

Enjoy your relaxing day out OP 👌

FedBeGone · 22/05/2026 12:22

Have a lovely day OP.

Original poster
HardyPlumEagle · 22/05/2026 12:19

Thanks everyone.
I have gone today by myself instead. May be the cowards way out rather than challenging them but I am mentally unwell at the moment and cannot be bothered with the stress.

I had tried to negotiate a train that would have arrived about 11.30am but that was too early apparently. So I have just gone myself today.

OP posts:
Original poster
HardyPlumEagle · 22/05/2026 12:10

Roastiesarethebestbit · 21/05/2026 20:17

Sound like it is time for your son to get some travel training https://servicesguide.reading.gov.uk/kb5/reading/directory/service.page?id=6pDCXQfMVOg&familychannel=0

Going back and reading everyone's posts now.
Didn't realise this was a thing despite being under multiple teams. Thank you so much for this!

OP posts:
BillieWiper · 22/05/2026 11:56

SleepingStandingUp · 21/05/2026 20:14

op has clearly said they do

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Sorry I was clearly not paying enough attention. Apologies.

Laurmolonlabe · 22/05/2026 10:46

If she wants to come she has to get up- simple as that , you can't expect people to fundamentally change their plans for your convenience. The rules don't change because you are not used to navigating the girlfriend-hold the line, she's young a couple of hours lost sleep isn't going to kill her.

Elishiva · 22/05/2026 01:01

Tell them the time you are leaving, make it one hour later than planned if you feel like being generous, if they can’t make that they can’t come but you can arrange another time.
what work does the girlfriend do and until what time?
I used to work bars and would work until 11.30/12 go out until 6 and be in work the next morning at 10/11.
not every weekend but regularly, oh to be young again.

Friendlygingercat · 22/05/2026 00:50

I would tell them that the arrangement is already decided upon and departure time is XX. If they cannot make it then you will go alone. They can go on another occasion later in th year when the GF can take some holidays. That will give them time to save money for the fares and spends.

How old is DS? Is he old enough to go with GF unacccompanied?

DearDenimEagle · 21/05/2026 23:26

HardyPlumEagle · 21/05/2026 15:10

Thank you everyone.
I have suggested we go another day so that we could have more time and was told I was creating stress for no reason and that it would be enough time.

I have no objection to paying for DS or his girlfriend and if I had invited them I absolutely would have but my day out has turned into a suggested couple of hours for nearly £100 instead of the £30 I would have paid alone and they invited themselves.

There are medical factors which affect why DS wouldn't be confident with the journey alone. I have suggested he come later with her but he wants to travel together.

If he’s a young adult, it’s time he learned not to ruin someone else’s plans…fit in , by all means but don’t expect them to change to fit his agenda. The entitlement is too much and he needs to be put in his box..he can go with mum or with gf but mum ain’t gonna change plans for the gf so radically.
jeez, when I was 16, I’d be at the night club till 3 am and up at 6 to go to school. Sleep? What’s that? At that age. Edited autowrong

Contrarymary30 · 21/05/2026 23:20

TwoBigNoisyBoys · 21/05/2026 17:22

What an absolutely bizarre comment.

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True never the less.

thestudio · 21/05/2026 22:07

Honestly op, you do need to show both of them about fairness.

You planned a day, and you wanted to be there 10 - 4, say.

Son could come, because he could do those times. Son's girlfriend can't come, because she can't/doesn't want to do those times. Son doesn't want to come without girlfriend - fine, no hard feelings, we'll do something else another day.

They really have no reason to be cross, because their own circumstances and choice mean they can't make the day as you planned it.

2Rebecca · 21/05/2026 22:00

I think your son is now old enough to realise that if he feels stressed it is because he feels stressed and it’s his issue to deal with, no one has caused it. All you did was invite him to join you on your day out. He doesn’t then try and change your day out to suit his girlfriend. If it doesn’t suit he just says “ no thank you “

WeatherDependant · 21/05/2026 21:10

LadyDanburysHat · 21/05/2026 14:56

Don't agree to the later train. Say you wanted a full day out and if they can't do that, then you can go with them another time.

agree also. And anyways , maybe she wakes up and changes her mind! Then the entire day would be lost. You do you, and they can join if they wish , then nobody can be let down 🙂

ThreadGuardDog · 21/05/2026 20:56

HardyPlumEagle · 21/05/2026 15:10

Thank you everyone.
I have suggested we go another day so that we could have more time and was told I was creating stress for no reason and that it would be enough time.

I have no objection to paying for DS or his girlfriend and if I had invited them I absolutely would have but my day out has turned into a suggested couple of hours for nearly £100 instead of the £30 I would have paid alone and they invited themselves.

There are medical factors which affect why DS wouldn't be confident with the journey alone. I have suggested he come later with her but he wants to travel together.

Then your reply should be that it’s not stress for no reason, and they need to be aware that they are completely disrupting your plans for the day. Asking to come along is one thing - dictating that you are bound by their timescales is quite another. It would be a big fat no from me - ‘I’m leaving a 8am, or whatever, as I planned. If you’re there, you’re welcome to come along, if not we’ll do it another day’.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 21/05/2026 20:45

LadyDanburysHat · 21/05/2026 14:56

Don't agree to the later train. Say you wanted a full day out and if they can't do that, then you can go with them another time.

This

Tableforjoan · 21/05/2026 20:28

The choice for them is they leave with you at your time, You leave at your time and they join later on or they don’t come.

It is really that simple.