Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To be a bit annoyed my trip has been hijacked?

338 replies

HardyPlumEagle · 21/05/2026 14:55

I had a day out planned for Saturday, I was going to get up early and go, have a picnic for lunch and such. I was happy to go alone.

DS (young adult) asked if he could come along with me, of course I said. He often does.
Ds girlfriend then asked DS if she could also come as she has never been. Again no problem.

The issue is DS girlfriend works Friday night so she is not going to want to be up early and they have asked me to book a much later train not getting to the place till 2pm so she can sleep (which is fair enough) but I feel sidelined.
What was supposed to be a nice day out has turned into two hours at most.
It is quite a distance on multiple trains and DS is not confident with the journey alone or I would go and let them come later.

Aibu to be a bit pissed about this or should I just suck it up so as to be seen as welcoming to my ds girlfriend?
Also usually if I was going with just DS I would pay for his fare. Am I supposed to pay for GF too?
This is the first time I am dealing with girlfriends and such.
DS girlfriend did take out DS on a trip in their car for the day but my train fare will in effect triple.

OP posts:
ErinBell01 · 23/05/2026 00:42

Well I think you should explain to DS that you realise that DGF wants to go later but you really want to go early so they can get trains later and you'll all meet up and have a nice couple of hours together and come home together. You can write out the trains for him and as he's a young adult he should be able to cope. Goodness me my DD went round Europe on her own at 18 and DS went to Oz on his own age 20. A couple of trains in this country shouldn't be beyond his capabilities, and it'll be a good learning curve. He can ask DGF if he has a problem! Go for it!

LunaTheCat · 23/05/2026 00:32

OP please enjoy your day with no regrets .. you deserve it! And report back to us later so we can all revel in your day.

Washingupdone · 22/05/2026 23:31

I hope you enjoyed your day, I expect it was a lot calmer than if you had gone on the day you planned. Crowds are leaving for the long weekend.

Nothavingagoodvalentinesday · 22/05/2026 22:51

Hope you had an enjoyable, relaxing time.

Rubbleonthedouble2 · 22/05/2026 21:01

HardyPlumEagle · 22/05/2026 12:19

Thanks everyone.
I have gone today by myself instead. May be the cowards way out rather than challenging them but I am mentally unwell at the moment and cannot be bothered with the stress.

I had tried to negotiate a train that would have arrived about 11.30am but that was too early apparently. So I have just gone myself today.

I hope you had a lovely time. The weather was glorious today!

PixieBigShoes · 22/05/2026 20:53

Feis123 · 21/05/2026 15:50

DS not confident alone on trains but confident enough to have a girl-friend? Seriously?

People can be impacted in varying ways by disabilities. It doesn’t mean that they can’t find love!

JoyousLilacFawn · 22/05/2026 20:53

HardyPlumEagle · 21/05/2026 15:10

Thank you everyone.
I have suggested we go another day so that we could have more time and was told I was creating stress for no reason and that it would be enough time.

I have no objection to paying for DS or his girlfriend and if I had invited them I absolutely would have but my day out has turned into a suggested couple of hours for nearly £100 instead of the £30 I would have paid alone and they invited themselves.

There are medical factors which affect why DS wouldn't be confident with the journey alone. I have suggested he come later with her but he wants to travel together.

I think Mumsnet can be variable but you had good advice here. What they were suggesting changed the character of the day and meant it wasn’t good value for money.

LBFseBrom · 22/05/2026 20:45

LadyDanburysHat · 21/05/2026 14:56

Don't agree to the later train. Say you wanted a full day out and if they can't do that, then you can go with them another time.

I agree.

godmum56 · 22/05/2026 20:44

HardyPlumEagle · 22/05/2026 12:19

Thanks everyone.
I have gone today by myself instead. May be the cowards way out rather than challenging them but I am mentally unwell at the moment and cannot be bothered with the stress.

I had tried to negotiate a train that would have arrived about 11.30am but that was too early apparently. So I have just gone myself today.

good for you!

SmashThePatriarchy · 22/05/2026 20:32

Well just say no and go on your own. It isn’t hard. The amount of women on here who are living, breathing martyrs is astonishing. You don’t get a medal for it.

nomas · 22/05/2026 20:06

I think it’s lovely that your adult son still wants to go on days out with you and I would have definitely said to go with him and his girlfriend.

However, spending £100 on train fares for a couple of hours is not economical so It’s good you didn’t go.

Wamid · 22/05/2026 19:59

It's not you creating stress it is them. Go on your own and enjoy Your day. You are the only important person on that day.

They can arrange a time and day which is more convenient for them on Their day out.

Pudmyboy · 22/05/2026 19:51

I hope you had a great day @HardyPlumEagle , you need to look after your needs first so I am glad you went and did your own thing!

itsalltoplayfor · 22/05/2026 19:36

Hope you enjoyed your day out, OP. You did the right thing.

I do like the phrase used earlier... "fit in or fuck off" and will be using that going forwards.

andnowwhatdowedo · 22/05/2026 19:31

YABVU to change your plans for them. If DS is old enough to have a girlfriend he is old enough to get on a train with her. Meet them later. Anyway, you're going ahead alone which is best.

momtoboys · 22/05/2026 19:22

Good for you! I hope you had a lovely day!

Woodfiresareamazing2 · 22/05/2026 19:21

Anna1mac · 22/05/2026 17:58

"not confident with several trains" ??? What age are they, 14??? Get your head out of your arse and tell them when you're going, and if they want to tag along, fine, but don't go changing your plans!!! Jesus wept.

OP's son has SEN, he is mentally younger than his actual age. He met his GF at an assisted workplace, so she must also have SEN.

All of this has been mentioned by OP in her posts ...

So your post was totally inappropriate.

Blades2 · 22/05/2026 19:19

If your young adult child can have a girlfriend, I’m sure he can navigate a few trains.
i would not be leaving at a later time for a day out I had originally planned alone.

Retiredfromearlyyears · 22/05/2026 19:06

Just say no! It's not what I had planned and I'm not prepared to alter my day. You can't come this time but we can make an alternative date. Also tell your DS you are unable to pay his GF's fare. He needs to take care of it or they both pay their own. He needs to grow up a bit.

momtoboys · 22/05/2026 18:59

If your son is old enough to have a girlfriend, he is old enough to ride a train by himself. It would be a cold day in hell before I would adjust my plans because the girlfriend had to work. She invited herself. She or your son can pay for her .

I hope you enjoy your day.

Doubledenim305 · 22/05/2026 18:54

Ur son's girlfriend felt comfortable asking you to change your plans to accommodate her? 😳🤮
Not a good sign.
No is a complete sentence as they say on Mumsnet. I find this actually quite shocking.

Hollybollyhughes · 22/05/2026 18:53

Don't invite them. Enjoy the day you deserve, they can go on their own. And it will only get worse, hanging around for them, they do chip in, free ride.
You've changed your mind, ok.

LAMPS1 · 22/05/2026 18:45

If DS wants to travel with you, then he has to make sure his GF is up for an earlier start than she would like.
It’s clearly too far to travel just for a couple of hours or so.

That isn’t creating stress, it’s being sensible. So tell him that … with absolute confidence. And no argument.
He has to learn to stand up for what’s sensible instead of pandering to his GF.
If it’s not convenient to her, due to a very late night, then fair enough, so it’s just not sensible to make the trip.
No point pretending otherwise.

MummyWillow1 · 22/05/2026 18:41

HardyPlumEagle · 21/05/2026 14:55

I had a day out planned for Saturday, I was going to get up early and go, have a picnic for lunch and such. I was happy to go alone.

DS (young adult) asked if he could come along with me, of course I said. He often does.
Ds girlfriend then asked DS if she could also come as she has never been. Again no problem.

The issue is DS girlfriend works Friday night so she is not going to want to be up early and they have asked me to book a much later train not getting to the place till 2pm so she can sleep (which is fair enough) but I feel sidelined.
What was supposed to be a nice day out has turned into two hours at most.
It is quite a distance on multiple trains and DS is not confident with the journey alone or I would go and let them come later.

Aibu to be a bit pissed about this or should I just suck it up so as to be seen as welcoming to my ds girlfriend?
Also usually if I was going with just DS I would pay for his fare. Am I supposed to pay for GF too?
This is the first time I am dealing with girlfriends and such.
DS girlfriend did take out DS on a trip in their car for the day but my train fare will in effect triple.

”Your plans no longer suit my
plans”. They either fit with your plans or don’t go 🤷‍♀️

dutchyoriginal · 22/05/2026 18:39

HardyPlumEagle · 22/05/2026 12:19

Thanks everyone.
I have gone today by myself instead. May be the cowards way out rather than challenging them but I am mentally unwell at the moment and cannot be bothered with the stress.

I had tried to negotiate a train that would have arrived about 11.30am but that was too early apparently. So I have just gone myself today.

Good for you!