To be a bit annoyed my trip has been hijacked?

@HardyPlumEagle

Only just reading the thread, and I’m so glad you asserted your day out for yourself still!! I hope you had a good time?

You can absolutely organise a different outing that works better for all involved another time.

Lovely that they want to.

(Quite surprised at some of the brutal, condescending, comments too….)

It seems to me you are being unreasonable in so far as you're letting them hijack your day out. If it was me and one of my (young adult) children asked to come along, of course I would welcome it. But I would also lay down the details of the day out - train times etc. If he (they if gf is included) can't make the timings then tell them where you're going to be and you look forward to seeing them when they arrive. It's then their decision whether or not to join you and at what time.

Young adults? They can pay their own fare. They can also get a later train and meet you there.

She has a job, so she can pay hee fare; if she's tired after wotking (like most of us!), surely she can kip on the train

Hope youve had a fabulous day!!!

tell Them they’ll have to get up early and although they think you’re causing stress, tell them it’s not worth going just for a couple of hours, either get up early or they come another time when that’s possible

I think a bit of compromise is fine ( a train one or two hours later) but if you give in to wasting half the day you’ll be setting a precedent, and regardless of SEN , your son does need to learn at some point the world and you do not 100% revolve around him. I think you should be as upfront as possible and say you’d love them to join - but you are not paying all that money for your day out to be cut short/ spoilt.. Name a time and stick to it, it’s then their choice. If both of them have additional needs it’s arguably even more important for them to start learning that as they reach adulthood not every circumstance, rule or situation will adapt 100% about turn to suit their wishes or even needs. A hard lesson but as important as many you have no doubt battled through during his childhood. Choices have to be made - plane, train, work , courses, appointments, bus timetables etc will not all be flexible to lie ins !!

Did you give me a stupid comment award LouisaK93? Or were you referencing your own comment?
I had no idea it was a competition!
But I can't accept your award.
You DESERVE IT so much MORE THAN I DO!

Who on earth has voted OP is being unreasonable?!

Winning stupid comment.

Maybe take them another time .....

Hope you had a lovely day, OP 😊

No is a word.

With SEN. Which you clearly missed.

Neither of them drive. The car belongs to GFs parents.

Which is irrelevant because in this context the poster was clarifying SEN in response to posters asking why he couldn’t travel alone.

But that doesn’t apply to everyone.

The car belongs to the GF’s parents. Neither DS nor GF drive.

She said the car she mentioned was the girlfriend's parents' I think.

You say they have a car - why don’t they drive and meet you there later?

Tell them what time you’re going. If they say that it’s too early, then let them know that it’s a pity your plans don’t work for them and go

Yes this.

Anything else is self sacrificing to an unhealthy extent.

You had a strong desire to do this - they have a mild interest.

Absolutely no! They've stuffed themselves in, and she's working so can pay for herself.

I hope you had a really lovely day out @HardyPlumEagle

It really is is absolutely ok to say 'that doesn't work for me' when discussing potential alternations to plans you made by yourself, for yourself. That doesn't change because the person in question is your child or because they're disabled - and I say that as a person with a disability.

Just because someone has a disability that makes travel awkward or whatever...does not mean you have to alter EVERYTHING you do.

My friends, my sister - sometimes invite me to things they are doing - I don't expect them to wildly alter that plan to suit me, so if it suits, I go, if it doesn't I do not!

I appreciate it feels different when its your son, not a friend, but this still applies - if you plan together, to do something together, then yeah, his needs have equal weight.
But when it comes to him joining you in something you planned alone, they do not and he really does need to learn that, and honestly the worst people for not teaching kids with disabilities that is their parents as it is second nature to rearrange everything around their needs and prioritise their needs above your own.

It isn't mean, it isn't shitty - it is normal life. If he is old enough to have a girlfriend, then he is also old enough to understand you cannot invite yourself to someone elses plan AND then also change major parameters to suit you and you alone.