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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be a bit annoyed my trip has been hijacked?

338 replies

HardyPlumEagle · 21/05/2026 14:55

I had a day out planned for Saturday, I was going to get up early and go, have a picnic for lunch and such. I was happy to go alone.

DS (young adult) asked if he could come along with me, of course I said. He often does.
Ds girlfriend then asked DS if she could also come as she has never been. Again no problem.

The issue is DS girlfriend works Friday night so she is not going to want to be up early and they have asked me to book a much later train not getting to the place till 2pm so she can sleep (which is fair enough) but I feel sidelined.
What was supposed to be a nice day out has turned into two hours at most.
It is quite a distance on multiple trains and DS is not confident with the journey alone or I would go and let them come later.

Aibu to be a bit pissed about this or should I just suck it up so as to be seen as welcoming to my ds girlfriend?
Also usually if I was going with just DS I would pay for his fare. Am I supposed to pay for GF too?
This is the first time I am dealing with girlfriends and such.
DS girlfriend did take out DS on a trip in their car for the day but my train fare will in effect triple.

OP posts:
LIZS · 21/05/2026 15:32

Go on ahead and they can join you, in their own time and at own expense if both coming. Surely ds could do the journey with gf? If he is coming alone he has to travel on your timetable.

Sparrowsandbudgies · 21/05/2026 15:31

This is madness. Stand up for yourself.

Shinyandnew1 · 21/05/2026 15:30

HardyPlumEagle · 21/05/2026 15:27

Thanks everyone.
I used to be an assertive person but unfortunately PTSD gave that a bit of a battering!
I think it is more when DS girlfriend is involved. I don't want to come off looking like a twat to her family I suppose.

If her family think you are being a twat here, then they are twats whose opinions should be ignored!

How old is your son? What are you going to do, @HardyPlumEagle?

pizzaHeart · 21/05/2026 15:29

I would go with them ( = suck it up) counting it as a bonding time ( = chance to check on GF🙂)
I wouldn’t complain about later train however I wouldn’t book their tickets / pay for their tickets/ pay for their admission if applicable.
They are young and learning. After paying themselves a lot for a short amount of hours next time they will either: go earlier or : won’t go at all. But you will be in the clear.

Original poster
HardyPlumEagle · 21/05/2026 15:27

Thanks everyone.
I used to be an assertive person but unfortunately PTSD gave that a bit of a battering!
I think it is more when DS girlfriend is involved. I don't want to come off looking like a twat to her family I suppose.

OP posts:
Balloonhearts · 21/05/2026 15:26

"Sorry, no, I want the full day there. Maybe you can join me later for a couple of hours. If not, no worries, we'll do something together another time."

TheBloomingDahlia · 21/05/2026 15:26

If DS and his GF can’t get the train without you then I would suggest to them that they come a different day as you purposefully wanted to go early and have a picnic. It sounds like quite a long journey for only a couple of hours there if it’s £30?

I think it’s very cheeky for them to say you’re creating stress when they invited themselves along and are changing your plans! I would tell them which train I’m getting, then they can say yes they’re coming on that train, yes they’re making their own way, or no they can’t come.

museumum · 21/05/2026 15:25

You should take the train you want. Your ds can come with you or come later with the gf. simple. In fact, it's nicer if they come later as you can have some time alone and some time with them and they gain more independence.

WheretheFishesareFrightening · 21/05/2026 15:25

HardyPlumEagle · 21/05/2026 15:10

Thank you everyone.
I have suggested we go another day so that we could have more time and was told I was creating stress for no reason and that it would be enough time.

I have no objection to paying for DS or his girlfriend and if I had invited them I absolutely would have but my day out has turned into a suggested couple of hours for nearly £100 instead of the £30 I would have paid alone and they invited themselves.

There are medical factors which affect why DS wouldn't be confident with the journey alone. I have suggested he come later with her but he wants to travel together.

Well then you and DS go early and she meets you there later.

You have a plan that other people want to join, you’re not planning a group day out. You don’t then change your plans to accommodate them.

I’d also worry about why your adult child can’t get a train with another adult (even with medical issues), as surely at some point they will need to become independent from you. This sounds like a great way to practice that.

And if they don’t want to, that’s fine, they don’t go. That’s their choice.

ohyesido · 21/05/2026 15:24

HardyPlumEagle · 21/05/2026 15:10

Thank you everyone.
I have suggested we go another day so that we could have more time and was told I was creating stress for no reason and that it would be enough time.

I have no objection to paying for DS or his girlfriend and if I had invited them I absolutely would have but my day out has turned into a suggested couple of hours for nearly £100 instead of the £30 I would have paid alone and they invited themselves.

There are medical factors which affect why DS wouldn't be confident with the journey alone. I have suggested he come later with her but he wants to travel together.

You’re creating stress for no reason? They have some nerve and there is a deeper problem to be addressed here. Why do they think they can say such a thing to you and get away with?

MyMilchick · 21/05/2026 15:24

LadyDanburysHat · 21/05/2026 14:56

Don't agree to the later train. Say you wanted a full day out and if they can't do that, then you can go with them another time.

Absolutely this!! Also your son is an adult who will have another adult with him, they can surely figure out how to catch a train on their own?

Shinyandnew1 · 21/05/2026 15:23

Metromayhem · 21/05/2026 15:21

YABU for agreeing then complaining after the fact. What do you mean you’ve “suggested”, you simply say “Oh sorry no, that won’t work for me. I’m leaving early to make the most of the day. Feel free to meet me later on though!” End of conversation.

This. It seems like you are prolonging the drama!

Just tell him you’re going at 8am and booking your train ticket now.

WallaceinAnderland · 21/05/2026 15:23

HardyPlumEagle · 21/05/2026 15:10

Thank you everyone.
I have suggested we go another day so that we could have more time and was told I was creating stress for no reason and that it would be enough time.

I have no objection to paying for DS or his girlfriend and if I had invited them I absolutely would have but my day out has turned into a suggested couple of hours for nearly £100 instead of the £30 I would have paid alone and they invited themselves.

There are medical factors which affect why DS wouldn't be confident with the journey alone. I have suggested he come later with her but he wants to travel together.

In that case, tell him that you had originally planned this day out for yourself and whilst you are happy for them to join you, you are not changing your plans. They can either come with you at the same time or go with you another day.

Daisydoesnt · 21/05/2026 15:22

For goodness sake op stop being such a wet lettuce!

Sleepygee · 21/05/2026 15:22

Your son shouldn't be telling you how to feel and it is healthy for you both for you to say no to him. Tell him you are sticking to the original plan and will meet up with them later in the day.

Allmychickenscometoroost · 21/05/2026 15:22

Sartre · 21/05/2026 15:10

You need a course on assertiveness. No you will not be getting the later train, if they want to join you they have to come in the morning.

Agree. Say no and they can join you later. Don't give in then become resentful. Your trip sounds lovely btw

Metromayhem · 21/05/2026 15:21

YABU for agreeing then complaining after the fact. What do you mean you’ve “suggested”, you simply say “Oh sorry no, that won’t work for me. I’m leaving early to make the most of the day. Feel free to meet me later on though!” End of conversation.

NevergonnagiveHughup · 21/05/2026 15:21

Nearly everyone has given you the same answer here, so why keep making excuses for DS, and just do it, or else suck it up and rant elsewhere…

ohyesido · 21/05/2026 15:21

Just say no that doesn’t work for me. I’m going at (insert time that works for you)

up to you if you want to pay for the GF or not? Don’t offer and don’t assume that she presumes.

MrsSchadenfreude · 21/05/2026 15:20

If he’s old enough to have a girlfriend he’s old enough to navigate train journeys.

Shinyandnew1 · 21/05/2026 15:19

Stoicandhappy · 21/05/2026 15:18

You need to tell DS “I am leaving at x time. If you and GF aren’t ready by then, you can meet me later or we can go together another time. “

But the OP sounds like she’s booking train tickets, so needs to have that conversation now.

Shinyandnew1 · 21/05/2026 15:18

LivingDeadGirlUK · 21/05/2026 15:14

I wouldn't be going anywhere with someone who told me I'm creating stress by inviting them out with me.

This. What a bloody cheek!

When the girlfriend asked to come and changed the whole day out to suit her would have been the point I changed my mind!

Stoicandhappy · 21/05/2026 15:18

You need to tell DS “I am leaving at x time. If you and GF aren’t ready by then, you can meet me later or we can go together another time. “

CanaryLibra · 21/05/2026 15:18

LivingDeadGirlUK · 21/05/2026 15:14

I wouldn't be going anywhere with someone who told me I'm creating stress by inviting them out with me.

Yes, after that I’d be telling him “I’m leaving at 8am, fit in or fuck off”.

What a brat!

canklesmctacotits · 21/05/2026 15:17

Why are you allowing them to tell you what is reasonable for your life, and how much to spend, and what to do, and when to do it? Who do they think they are? And how much of a lesser person do you think you are? Why are you tolerating them telling you that you're causing them stress for not giving them everything they want, when they want it?

Separately, no you don't pay for anyone who invites themselves along to something.