To be a bit annoyed my trip has been hijacked?

Dont change your plans they either wanna come to the PLANNED trip or they dont

To be fair, the girlfriend isn't the one behaving like a twat. The OP's son is the one who appears to be making all the demands.

You are being bullied by your son. You aren’t creating stress you are just wanting a particular day out which he and his girlfriend are changing in to something different. Tell them what you are planning. They come or they don’t come.

There are medical factors which affect why DS wouldn't be confident with the journey alone

He wouldn't doing the journey alone, though. He'd be doing it with another adult, his girlfriend.

If he has a disability or illness that means he needs support getting on a train, I don't think it's remotely feasible or healthy for him, as an adult, to insist that support has to come from his mother and not from his girlfriend.

If I was an 18-year-old girl dating someone the same age, I would be deeply put off if he insisted on travelling with his mum. His girlfriend has a job and car and I would have thought she'd much rather he was holding her hand rather than yours.

Well, I don't think her parents would be much bothered if you did, seeing as they've raised their daughter to behave like a twat to you.

Also, you wouldn't be a twat for refusing to pay for her train fare! For goodness sake: she has a job, the whole reason your day out is being sabotaged. If she can't afford it, she shouldn't go. The solution isn't to guilt you into paying for her after making out like you're the one in the wrong for causing them stress by not adhering to their changes to your plans!

And that is being taken advantage of OP.

Tell them your train is booked for X time and if they're coming then they need to be ready. The first time you do it, the easier it gets.

Also tell them how much the train tickets cost as you haven't budgeted for 3 people.

Don't let anyone tell you anything - this is your day out, and you are doing the telling. You're not doing your DS any favours by allowing him to hijack your day out and by allowing him to refuse to let things be any other way than the way he wants them to be. He can fit in with your plans, or he can do something else. He's a big boy, he'll figure out how to cope.

Yes they have a car as well so can drive rather than get the train surely. Also even if there’s a reason they need to get a train, they should pay!

His girlfriend has a job, she can get on a train. Whatever medical issue he has he should be able to travel accompanied by another adult (his gf) without OP's relaxing day being ruined further by talking them through a journey.

OP, why are you being so wet?
Turns out that the plan isn't convenient for your son and his GF after all. So just revert to Plan A and go on your own!
Also, even if they did go with you, why would you have to pay for them? They're adults - they pay for themselves.

Absolutely stick with your plans. If there are 2 of them and they are young adults (one of whom drives) then surely they can figure out with an app if necessary how to get the train there themselves. If they can’t then they should!

You still get to enjoy your part of the day alone as planned and they have got their shit together train wise. Win win.

Yes they have hijacked your lovely day and turned it into something rushed and expensive. Your son is going to have to start learning to be more considerate with people or he might end up quite lonely.

I think as he has already started criticising you it might be best to just let them have their way this time. Then do it the way you planned in a week or so and don’t tell him where you are going. Or if you must tell him, insist it is your turn to choose when to set off

The op says her son has trouble navigating multi leg journeys in the 1st post

I’d think you were a twat if my dd said you were changing your plans for a whole day out because my dd wanted a lie in and her and her boyfriend couldn’t navigate trains. Not because you wouldn’t change your plans.

Have the balls to say that you are going when you want to go. If they are up then they can come along, if not they either meet you there or stay in bed. Don’t be a doormat.

Assume they're adults if she works and has a car. So why on earth is he incapable of making a train journey without his mother holding his hand?

And why are you, a grown adult, afraid to say no? You don't want to go later. You want to go when you planned to, which is what you'll be doing?

How do people like you get anything done??

They are effectively changing YOUR plans to suit them. Don’t let them. If my 18yo told me I was creating stress, I would give him a right earful. I can be a bit of a pushover when it comes to facilitating him, but I wouldn’t tolerate him relegating me to the background like an inconvenience when something was my idea in the first place. I would be inclined to say ‘This was my original plan. You are very welcome to join me at that time.’ The end. And don’t feel guilty if they decline.

As you were planning to go on your own I would stick with the early train for you and then say you will meet them later. Then it is also not so much pressure on both you and new GF to spend too much time together

I voted YABU because you are if you pander to this nonsense. Basically say yes you can come but it's this train at this time and if you can't make that then it's a no for this occasion.

It is quite a distance on multiple trains and DS is not confident with the journey alone

🥴

I'd simply tell DS 'I'm leaving at 9am and you are welcome to come, as is Sarah. If she wants a lie in or can't make that time then perhaps she can come some other time.'

Don't change your plans for them. If they want to be included that's one thing. If they expect you to alter your arrangements for a day out to fit around their convenience then that is something else entirely. They are welcome to join you on the original day out you were looking forward to.

Why would you look like a twat to her family?

You are going on a planned day out for you that involves leaving at Xam.

Girlfriend wants/needs to sleep beyond that time. Therefore, she cannot make it.

Agree with this. If my daughter relayed this scenario to me as the girlfriend in this situation, I’d bollock her for being rude and demanding. Id also encourage her to be more independent and take the later train! As you should be with your son. It’s being cruel to be kind, he will thank you in the long run.

Easy. Get DS and his gf to work on their train travel skills. Surely they can travel together and join you later.