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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be a bit annoyed my trip has been hijacked?

338 replies

HardyPlumEagle · 21/05/2026 14:55

I had a day out planned for Saturday, I was going to get up early and go, have a picnic for lunch and such. I was happy to go alone.

DS (young adult) asked if he could come along with me, of course I said. He often does.
Ds girlfriend then asked DS if she could also come as she has never been. Again no problem.

The issue is DS girlfriend works Friday night so she is not going to want to be up early and they have asked me to book a much later train not getting to the place till 2pm so she can sleep (which is fair enough) but I feel sidelined.
What was supposed to be a nice day out has turned into two hours at most.
It is quite a distance on multiple trains and DS is not confident with the journey alone or I would go and let them come later.

Aibu to be a bit pissed about this or should I just suck it up so as to be seen as welcoming to my ds girlfriend?
Also usually if I was going with just DS I would pay for his fare. Am I supposed to pay for GF too?
This is the first time I am dealing with girlfriends and such.
DS girlfriend did take out DS on a trip in their car for the day but my train fare will in effect triple.

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Original poster

HardyPlumEagle · 21/05/2026 16:03

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Feis123 · 21/05/2026 15:50

DS not confident alone on trains but confident enough to have a girl-friend? Seriously?

To be fair plenty of people with SEN have girlfriends. He didn't go out and chat her up at a bar and start a relationship. They met at the supported work experience placement he attends.

FedBeGone · 20/06/2026 18:23

Lilacblu · 20/06/2026 18:04

Yes.. Just say that!! You really want a whole day out but they are welcome to come another time... it's your day you had planned... 💞👍

The day out was planned in May

Do you really think it has been done and dusted by now (Spoiler: it has)

Lilacblu · 20/06/2026 18:04

Yes.. Just say that!! You really want a whole day out but they are welcome to come another time... it's your day you had planned... 💞👍

Metromayhem · 26/05/2026 12:30

Netty13 · 25/05/2026 23:01

Tell them.you'll meet them there.

Also cancel the cheque while you’re at it.

Netty13 · 25/05/2026 23:01

Tell them.you'll meet them there.

Timetochillnow · 25/05/2026 08:48

JanBlues2026 · 22/05/2026 16:08

I don’t think that is the cowards way out, you have put yourself first and went! Good for you!

Absolutely agree 😊

JamesFrond · 24/05/2026 16:07

croydon15 · 24/05/2026 09:40

To all those MNs who put "do not pay" why not, it's a nice thing to treat your DS and gf if you are able to, they are probably both on minimum wage, l would be seem to be in the minority.
I wonder would it be the same advice if it was a DD.

Well presumably because she didn’t want to that’s ‘why not’.

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 24/05/2026 11:18

Jukeboxjulie69 · 24/05/2026 11:16

It was his attitude that was the problem tbh. Pleased she went on her own

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Agreed. She handled it perfectly.

Jukeboxjulie69 · 24/05/2026 11:16

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 24/05/2026 11:09

I have SEN. The OP said her DS wasn't confident travelling on the train without her because of the connections.

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It was his attitude that was the problem tbh. Pleased she went on her own

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 24/05/2026 11:09

Jukeboxjulie69 · 24/05/2026 10:58

Having SEN as adults will mean they get payments so can buy their own tickets. Also don’t assume that people with SEN can’t do things. Many can

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I have SEN. The OP said her DS wasn't confident travelling on the train without her because of the connections.

SarzWix · 24/05/2026 11:02

HardyPlumEagle · 21/05/2026 15:10

Thank you everyone.
I have suggested we go another day so that we could have more time and was told I was creating stress for no reason and that it would be enough time.

I have no objection to paying for DS or his girlfriend and if I had invited them I absolutely would have but my day out has turned into a suggested couple of hours for nearly £100 instead of the £30 I would have paid alone and they invited themselves.

There are medical factors which affect why DS wouldn't be confident with the journey alone. I have suggested he come later with her but he wants to travel together.

YOU haven't created any stress. You planned your day, and your DS has hijacked it and is now trying to gaslight you into giving in. That's the beginning of abusive behaviour and it needs nipping in the bud right now.

Jukeboxjulie69 · 24/05/2026 10:58

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 24/05/2026 08:57

RTFT they have SEN and also OP has already gone on her own.

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Having SEN as adults will mean they get payments so can buy their own tickets. Also don’t assume that people with SEN can’t do things. Many can

croydon15 · 24/05/2026 09:40

To all those MNs who put "do not pay" why not, it's a nice thing to treat your DS and gf if you are able to, they are probably both on minimum wage, l would be seem to be in the minority.
I wonder would it be the same advice if it was a DD.

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 24/05/2026 08:57

Jukeboxjulie69 · 23/05/2026 18:41

Young adults? They can pay their own fare. They can also get a later train and meet you there.

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RTFT they have SEN and also OP has already gone on her own.

Anonanonay · 24/05/2026 00:19

BMW58 · 21/05/2026 15:01

Tell them your are getting the early train and if she/they want to get the later train and join you that's fine.

DON'T change your plans and DON'T pay anyone else's expenses - including your son's.

This. C'mon, OP, woman up!

Just seen that you did just that. Well done, OP! Hope you had a brilliant time.

QuickBrown · 23/05/2026 22:47

I hope you had a lovely time OP. I'm an autistic mother of an autistic teenager (not yet adult) and I wouldn't be using the harsh rhetoric of "fit in or fuck off" but I would be using the opportunity to teach social skills and introduce my teen to the concept of bait and switch and see why it isn't a good way to treat people. Bait and switch is when someone makes a plan the other agrees with (eg I'll come with you on your outing) then switches out details to make it something the person would not have agree to up front.
This has the same impact on my trip as fifo, but also means my teen would learn what is going on and not to be the offender of a bait and switch again, and also that they don't need to accept it from others (maybe the girlfriend) in the future.

MazzytheStar · 23/05/2026 22:40

I think it’s cheeky of the girlfriend to want a later time. It’s understandable she wants the sleep but very cheeky to be disrupting your plans. God when I was that young I’d be happy to tag along and wouldn’t dream of telling the adult what to do 🙄

Sweetnbooksnradio4 · 23/05/2026 21:20

But not enough time for you to do the things you wanted to do…
Continue with your plan, encourage them to join you or suggest that you will go again, with them when she isn’t working.

woolandflowers · 23/05/2026 20:37

You don’t to explain yourself to them or feel bad. Just say you’re going to go at x time so you can enjoy a full day there as you planned but would love to go with them again another time. Enjoy your time to yourself!

FedBeGone · 23/05/2026 19:45

MatureAdult · 23/05/2026 19:20

Tell them what (early) train you are going to catch and say they’re welcome to join you or meet up with you there later. Do NOT pay for them!

OP went yesterday.
She went by herself.
She did NOT pay for anybody else (as they didn't go).

BassBug · 23/05/2026 19:41

CanaryLibra · 21/05/2026 15:01

I would tell them “I’m getting the 8am train, you’re welcome to join me and if not I’m happy to have the day to myself and we’ll go again together another time”.

Wrt paying for the train for your DS girlfriend, if you’d invited her I’d say yes it would be nice of you to pay, but given she’s firstly invited herself, and secondly she has a job, then she can pay for her own train.

This

Polkadotpompom · 23/05/2026 19:20

OP I'm glad you got your day to yourself, just the day before.

I am a parent carer to a young adult who isn't independent. If you're anything like me the day out of the house only thinking of yourself will have done you the world of good.

MatureAdult · 23/05/2026 19:20

Tell them what (early) train you are going to catch and say they’re welcome to join you or meet up with you there later. Do NOT pay for them!

LubyLooTwo · 23/05/2026 19:13

What already sounds like a palava just to go for picnic (multiple trains for heavens sake !!!!) has got even worse now... but if she wants to go just tell her when she needs to be up and ready to go - that is the plan.

Missypuddingchops · 23/05/2026 19:00

I personally cant stand it when anyone even family start pissing about with plans....originally your plan was to make a day of it...still do that. They can sort themselves out. Her need for a lay in doesnt mean a change of plans for you! If we all had to wait until people got out of bed we'd never make it anywhere

ItsOkItsDarkChocolate · 23/05/2026 18:55

HardyPlumEagle · 21/05/2026 15:10

Thank you everyone.
I have suggested we go another day so that we could have more time and was told I was creating stress for no reason and that it would be enough time.

I have no objection to paying for DS or his girlfriend and if I had invited them I absolutely would have but my day out has turned into a suggested couple of hours for nearly £100 instead of the £30 I would have paid alone and they invited themselves.

There are medical factors which affect why DS wouldn't be confident with the journey alone. I have suggested he come later with her but he wants to travel together.

You may have been creating stress from their point of view, however, it absolutely wasn’t for no reason. You wanted more than a couple of hours there, and quite rightly!!

I am glad you did let it get hijacked like they were proposing.