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Original poster

AIBU to worry about leaving my breastfed toddler overnight?

37 replies

SillyPiccalilli · 21/05/2026 12:05

A friend's wedding is fast approaching - the venue is a few hours drive away, and the ceremony is early, meaning we will need to stay overnight the night before and the night of the wedding, so two nights total.

I've been excited about it up until now. Suddenly the thought of leaving my baby (14m) with grandparents for two nights is worrying me. She has a great relationship with them, and spends a full day each with with them while I'm at work, but I've never been away from her overnight so I'm not sure how well she'll cope.

Although she's obviously been eating solids for a long time now, we're still breastfeeding a few times a day and overnight. She will not take a bottle or milk from a cup, so I'm worried she won't settle without the breast if she wakes in the night, and me and her dad aren't there to comfort her.

What age did you first leave your little one overnight (especially if breastfed)? Was everything OK? Please tell me I'm being unreasonable to worry, and all will be fine 😅

OP posts:
AgnesMcDoo · 21/05/2026 12:44

My breastfed babes stayed overnight with GPs from 6 weeks old and were both fine with bottles of ebm.

why don’t you try one night soon and get you both used to it as a practice run

jackstini · 21/05/2026 12:42

She won’t squirm and scream with your Mum because she won’t smell any milk

Agree trial is a good idea but it should be fine

I I breast fed both until over 2 and worked away for a few days quite often; just carried on when I got back

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 21/05/2026 12:42

Take a breast pump with you

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 21/05/2026 12:41

Can you do a practice locally and see how she gets on? And then if needs be you could get a hotel room for grandparents and they come too?

Original poster
SillyPiccalilli · 21/05/2026 12:32

Lomonald · 21/05/2026 12:26

Just do this, i probably would offer a drink during the day and say no to boob or maybe let her see you express if you can. But she needs to be more alone with her grandparents for you to be comfortable leaving her, do the grandparents have a plan if she doesn't settle.

Show quote history

My mum wants to stay here as my dad will be working early in the mornings, so presumably doesn't want to be woken up by the little one crying.

As far as I can tell, her plan is just to go in and rock/pat her back to sleep if she cries. This does work for us often, but occasionally when she really wants milk she will squirm a bit and scream until I give in. My mum is still young (early 60s) and retired, so she has said if she doesn't get much sleep that's OK with her, as she has nowhere she needs to be.

I'm not sure I'm 100% comfortable night weaning as others have suggested, so I don't think I'll be doing that. I don't see how upsetting her for two weeks before we go will help anyone. I know I'll just feel worse.

OP posts:
Lomonald · 21/05/2026 12:26

SillyPiccalilli · 21/05/2026 12:10

I was thinking of asking them to do bedtime one night this week, and maybe watch her while my husband and I go out for dinner or something one evening next week, to build up to an overnight.

They'll be staying at our house, so it'll be familiar surroundings for her - but I'm not sure if that will help or hinder!

Show quote history

Just do this, i probably would offer a drink during the day and say no to boob or maybe let her see you express if you can. But she needs to be more alone with her grandparents for you to be comfortable leaving her, do the grandparents have a plan if she doesn't settle.

TooMuchCooffee · 21/05/2026 12:22

TooMuchCooffee · 21/05/2026 12:13

15 months, breastfed baby, was the first time I left. I went for a 5 night hen do abroad. However, I had night weaned him and he was with someone who did bedtime often enough (his dad).

I'd be more worried about your parents than your toddler. If he is used to a boob in the night, he will scream his head off for an hour when grandma goes in at 3am.

You need to night wean. If you don't, you are basically leaving your parents to do it which won't be fun for anyone

Edited

Also wanted to add that his dad and the nanny had started doing bedtime here and there from 9 months if I had an event or had to work late. He actually woke MORE often on those nights, presumably because he missed me...it's why I actually had very rare nights out until I night weaned as it wasn't worth the lack of sleep afterwards.

I don't think 14 months is too early to night wean. Guidance says 12 months is ok for breastfed babies.

TotHappy · 21/05/2026 12:18

I think it's a bit soon to night wean, but I would try again with a few different bottles! Mine were all breastfed, coslept with me, and all were older when I first left them BUT someone (dad or gran) had done bedtime before with a bottle of cows milk.
I feel like being in your own house might make it worse but maybe not - and I will say, even if they do scream, everyone will get through it. I hated the thought of my little ones being devastated at me not being there in the night when I always had been but realistically, it's not going to cause lasting trauma.

I do think two nights isn't ideal for first go though so would definitely do a trial run if your parents are willing.

cestlavielife · 21/05/2026 12:16

What is the worst that can happen?
She takes a while to settle?
She will sleep eventually!
If you trust the caregivers then dont worry
She is over one year old

TooMuchCooffee · 21/05/2026 12:13

15 months, breastfed baby, was the first time I left. I went for a 5 night hen do abroad. However, I had night weaned him and he was with someone who did bedtime often enough (his dad).

I'd be more worried about your parents than your toddler. If he is used to a boob in the night, he will scream his head off for an hour when grandma goes in at 3am.

You need to night wean. If you don't, you are basically leaving your parents to do it which won't be fun for anyone

Original poster
SillyPiccalilli · 21/05/2026 12:10

SnugglyJumpersMakeItBetter · 21/05/2026 12:07

Is she used to being left with them all day> Why not have a trail overnight sometime this week and see how it goes? She'll probably surprise you! Most little ones are very accepting of other people/places having different approaches.

I was thinking of asking them to do bedtime one night this week, and maybe watch her while my husband and I go out for dinner or something one evening next week, to build up to an overnight.

They'll be staying at our house, so it'll be familiar surroundings for her - but I'm not sure if that will help or hinder!

OP posts:
SnugglyJumpersMakeItBetter · 21/05/2026 12:07

Is she used to being left with them all day> Why not have a trail overnight sometime this week and see how it goes? She'll probably surprise you! Most little ones are very accepting of other people/places having different approaches.