AIBU to expect better contact while partner is away at a conference?

DH would usually try and ring at DCs bedtime, and may call again in the evening if it wasn't too late. During the day I wouldn't expect to hear anything. Sometimes, they just can't call.

At a conference you really need to stay in work mode, it's tiring and if you have any downtime you need it just to rest, and frankly you may not want to spend that time hearing how things are at home.

You said he has improved this time OP, that's great! Don't push things too hard.

When me or DH work away, we'll make time for one phone call between us around bedtime, and one video chat with DC earlier in the day. I don't feel any need for constant communication as when you are away its not just conference sessions you are attending, but conversations about them, networking, wandering around stalls and chatting to people.

Why does he need to communicate, though? Why can't he just go and come back and you both enjoy a break?

I can imagine you're exhausted, but if you're on maternity leave, wouldn't you be at home with your baby anyway? In not too long, you'll be back at work, and able to bugger off for a few nights and concentrate purely on professional matters, too.

I went away on holiday to USA for 2 weeks with a friend and I never contacted my DH. He only messaged me once to wish me a happy birthday!

He’s been in touch every day so I don’t see what the issue is. My husband regularly works away. He’ll try and call each day or at least send a quick message but not always. It just depends on what’s going on.

Exactly.

When ever me or DH are away we very rarely text and never ring. Texts are most likely to be "on the 4 o'clock" or "been delayed eta now 8". Occasionally "Oh my God, I was in the bar til 2 am with M and am very tired"

Obviously if there was a crisis we'd call- like the time DD had an asthma attack and I went from lying on a hotel bed to the station and then a&e. But other than that, doesn't even cross my mind to contact him or expect it from him. Same when the kids were tiny, they didn't expect daily contact from the one who was away. Nowadays they can track us online and I sometimes get questions like "what were you doing in the gay village til 2am" to which the answer is "drinking cocktails and having a bloody good time"

It’s not necessarily about forgetting. Some people tend to compartmentalise their lives more so it really is out of sight out of mind when they are away from home. Reading the thread it’s clear that there is this variation in level of contact when away. The broader issue is more about overall communication of needs and wants.

When dh was working away I’d always get a good morning text asking how we were and he would phone in the evening sometimes it was a 5 minute call other times it was longer but he was still in contact.

ypu don’t just go away and forget to phone home or even text.

He hasn't been incommunicado though. You've heard from him Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday; then he returns Thursday.
That's a lot.

It’s three days, not months so I’d say you are being a little bit unreasonable and needy yes. I understand how tough it is when you’re stuck at home with young children so not judging, I definitely struggled more when DH was away and I was left behind. I think in my mind he was having a rest and I didn’t get such an opportunity.

Now I sometimes work away too, in fact I worked away during the week and only came home at weekends for a short spell when I did my post doc. I did FaceTime DC most nights but didn’t feel the need to text DH much.

Left Monday, back Thursday. So only 2 full days he's actually away? I wouldn't expect more than a quick "got here safe" on the Monday, maybe a couple of messages either Tuesday or Wednesday if anything particularly interesting or funny had happened and nothing today because he'll be home later.

I was away for 10 days long haul with work recently. I did two calls in that time and messaged a few times but not every day.

I think you need to unclench. I would be mega pissed off If my husband expected me to ring or text all the time when I’m away with work (i travel a fair bit and so does he - usually I hear from him once a day and if he can he will call the kids but my kids know not to expect this) you would hate to hear he left 2 days after I gave birth and I also didn’t expect to hear from him every hour etc 🤣 - what’s the issue Op are you struggling or something?

You sound very needy.
I am away for work at the moment. In the place I used to live. I am not hanging off my phone to home. A couple of messages per day. If there was an emergency that would be different. I am working, dealing with clients, resting when I can and seeing friends from here.
As he will be doing.
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Good grief, give him a break.

I travel for work regularly, conferences and suchlike. I always, always message a 'good morning' and ''night night" to my husband. But in between those messages it's sporadic. Because I'm busy - chatting to people, networking, or sat in a lecture theatre listening to a talk, or in a business meeting. All scenarios where you can't have your phone out as it's unprofessional and rude. If it gets to afternoon I'll try to fire off a quick note home from the loo. It's not like my normal working day where I've got my phone sat next to me on the desk.

Evenings suck, too. - you normally have precisely 6 minutes to turn around a shower, brew, change of clothes and 'meet back downstairs yeah?' 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

I think I’d expect a text in the evening but that’s about it and that’s all I do if I’m away. I rarely call unless something dramatic has happened.

I’d be worried that your five year old hasn’t seemed to have noticed he’s not there! Does your husband work long hours?

YABU he’s at work.

Work trips are exhausting. Even when he’s not actively in a meeting or standing by a conference booth he’ll be having breakfast, lunch, dinner and drinks with his colleagues. It’s not a good time to text, let alone take a phone call.

I usually only phone DH once I’m back in the hotel room, so like 10.30pm.

You know he’s at work, so why do you need constant communication?