Hate having plans for things I enjoy

If I didn’t know what I was doing that day, as soon as I wake up, then I honestly will just stay in bed and read my book until I could be bothered, late afternoon, to get up and potter around the house to do bits and pieces.

So, unless I want to become a hermit, I need my life scheduled in advance!

I hear you. Most definitely not a big planner outside of shall we go here on x day I'll meet you at x time. This is enough planning for me and in my mind that's all sorted and organised. My best friend however plans (and creates list) to cover all accountabilities. There's been many occasion when we've agreed to meet up but then she doesn't show because I've not confirmed it's still happening so she wasn't sure 🤔 surely unless someone cancels its organised and we don't need to discuss further 🤷‍♀️

I remember some great spontaneous weekends as a student but afterwards I think planning ahead is the price you pay for getting to do almost anything with friends, especially if you have a medium or large circle of friends and want to do things together. What several of my friends do is have a protected weekend day (so if they have plans for Saturday they block Sunday in their calendar) and limit the weekday nights they plan things for.
Last night I was supposed to go out for dinner, which was organised by a friend of a friend with people I know. Originally it was a group of 12. The organiser never mentioned a time until the day before, and it turned out she had reserved a table for 6pm because she wanted to be home by 9pm. That didn’t work for most of the group so in the end only four of them went. When she didn’t specify a time, we all assumed 7ish/8ish, but 6pm just wasn’t doable on a school night. So planning for the day without planning a specific time isn’t always enough.

I really can relate. I love weekends when I have no plans at all. And do what I want when I want. But to sustain friendships I do need to make plans at some point.

It's so fascinating how different we all are!

I'm the opposite, I love to have things planned out. It's gives me joy to look at my calendar and see things scheduled in. I don't particularly want every minute accounted for, but I like knowing I'll be eating at such and such a place, or going on a train at x time, it makes my brain feel calm.

I'm also a very anticipatory person, I'm already feeling excited about Autumn, despite it still being Spring. I'm mentally planning Christmas. It just makes my heart sing.

Spontaneity is fun in theory for me, but in practice I struggle with plans sprung on me. Although I would be happy to see family or good friends turn up on my doorstep unannounced.

Agree. I think since Covid it’s hard to get in anywhere (at least anywhere good that’s) without reservations. I would hate to have not booked anything and then have to traipse around trying to find somewhere especially if hungry just cause we didn’t plan anything.

i like to have a plan as it helps me relax knowing I’m free until x time when I need to go out.

We only have so much time in the day- I don’t want to waste it hanging around for someone who can’t just agree a simple time to do something

Sorry, cross-post. If you don't have kids then, yes, I understand how you could be more spontaneous.

I mean, I understand what you're saying up to a point. I have family who start asking in June where we're going/what we're doing for Christmas, and I think this is ridiculous. It makes me feel like the time is being used up prematurely, somehow!

Equally, though, deciding things 'on the day' doesn't work for me either, so some planning is needed. Your swimming/picnic plans, for example -- my group of friends would have to plan something like this in advance, or nobody would be able to make it, because everyone has so many built-in commitments with work, children, family. I don't know anyone with school age children who can make plans for anything more complex than a coffee 'on the day'.

I have to plan things with friends in advance otherwise I’d never see them. They have busy lives so if I just dropped them a message on the day or even the week before saying are you free on x the answer would likely be no. Even worse if there’s more than 2 of us.

With children, looking after parents, pets, work, weddings etc we all have quite a lot on and can’t just drop things to be spontaneous.

Yes. I’m usually also arranging something else, so I want to know which showing suits you, and if you are free for a drink or food beforehand.

I mean, feel free to be a drifty, spontaneous ‘make it up as you go along’ type, but other people, believe it or not, also have other plans they’re firming up, or need to arrange childcare etc.

I’m retired as are most of my friends so in theory we have loads more time than most people on MN.

However whilst I would like to do things spontaneously if I try and arrange something everyone is booked up, looking after grandchildren/elderly relatives etc.
Also how do posters get into restaurants:theatres etc last minute, it never works for me.

My DH is like you to some extent although he has got a bit better, mainly because he realised that leaving things like holiday planning until the last minute made it more expensive and tricky to get the time off work. Regular plans though, he absolutely refuses to be pinned down. Drives me mad. I like structure and planning.

I’m the same Op, I’m much more of a spontaneous person but do accept others prefer plans, it’s all fine - if I accept an invite I’ll always turn up but I often decline if it’s more than about a week in advance (obviously this totally depends on what it is, a holiday or something does need more advanced notice but something like a casual lunch out or a walk or something - I don’t want to have that locked in too far in advance as I don’t want to have committed to something and then something else comes along, a better offer, and I’ve already agreed 3 months ago to go for a bloody walk!
I just generally prefer to not be booked up.

YANBU but I’m a bit of a planner I'm afraid. I think it’s because we have so much in the diary - lots of sports training and matches at fixed times for all 4 of us - that we only have specific slots when we’re available. Less so in the summer though and I do love waking up on those mornings to a completely free day when you can do whatever you fancy.

Yes. We have a family holiday, and I have a break with our daughter planned for the summer, and all I feel is stressed about it. They're in the back of my mind like a dark cloud. It is ridiculous.

I'm the same too. During the lockdowns I got reacquainted with the notion of doing things as they came to mind, and obviously this was with a clear diary, and it was such freedom. It changed my life. I rarely have stuff in my social diary now, but it does mean I do less. It gives me the freedom to be more spontaneous. Surprisngly, this has worked well with many of my friends. It's meant I no longer dread the things that of course I also want to do, and I no longer have that confusing elation when things I would like to do get canceled. Life is weird when the time is all booked up.

If you have actually agreed to go to see the film in a week’s time, what’s the problem with agreeing a time?

TBH find people who leave things up in the air til the very last minute stressful.

I honestly can't relate to a single thing you are saying! I'm the exact opposite - a huge part of the fun of the thing is the enjoyment of looking forward to it and thinking about it.
We are polar extremes! I guess you don't fancy a coffee in 6 months then lol.

I hate it, i prefer spontaneous plans theyre much more fun.

I don’t mind a rough plan but I can’t abide itineraries. I much prefer to rock up somewhere on holiday and just make it up as I go along according to how I feel.

I am going away with a friend in June who is a Planner. She made me book everything last year which was already far too early for my liking and now keeps emailing me with what we are going to do when. I just feel a bit over it already and have told her I would prefer to go with the flow.