Hate having plans for things I enjoy

Also a planner over here, absolutely hate waking up on a Saturday with no plans because I know it means we'll just dither about doing not very much then suddenly it'll be 3pm we've done nothing and it's too late to be getting started. We do have small children though so I much prefer to get up for the day knowing what's ahead of us.

Also hate the pressure of someone texting on the day or with just a few days notice and me always having to say 'sorry I can't' because I plan my life months in advance. Makes me feel like I'm letting them down.

I do get what you mean and prefer to be spontaneous given the option, but realistically unless you have a very small circle and/or everyone is equally spontaneous you have to account for everyone's lives and commitments.

Not to sound arrogant but I have a lot of friends all over the country and make the effort to keep in touch and socialise with all of them, it wouldn't be possible if we all just saw how we felt on the day.

Edited to add that people have different budgets, and planning can allow them to plan for this. Being able to be spontaneous all the time is a privilege in terms of both money and time resources.

Another edit to add- a friend of mine suffers from very extreme anxiety and needs to know the plan. When I meet with her I allow her to plan everything to the last detail as I know it helps her, even though I could do without it.

I think you need a mix of both!

Why not plan several days off when you can be totally spontaneous?

I find ‘no-plans’ friends a pain in t’arse so I don’t have any.

What if a group of friends are all ‘no-planners?’

You will never meet again.

What no-planners really mean is they are the free spirits and all that and you are expected to wait until they float down off their fluffy cloud and expect you to be grateful- no ta, love, I’m too busy seeing friends who respect me enough to make arrangements.

I used to be fairly go-with-the-flow until I realised the joy of planning! No more traipsing round hungry and thirsty because I didn’t book a table anywhere. No more missing out on ticketed events or finding out there were quite literally no rooms in any of the inns…. It adds too much stress. I have a couple of “spontaneous” friends and I find them self absorbed and flakey when trying to invite them places. Maybe I shouldn’t bother?!

Same. DH was talking this morning about options for the BH weekend and honestly I don't want to tie it up much.

But also, if we didn't plan, we'd never do anything. What go with the flow people don't get when they're complaining about planners, is that more often than not, you need us. Because I know from experience if there isn't at least a vague plan or timing of things, we won't move quick enough to get there for the fun stuff. And we'll not actually manage to eat or we'll end up somewhere with rubbish but expensive food. Or we'll just not be able to decide on the day and end up home all day anyway.

I dont like plans I like to do things on a whim,spontaneously etc.
I dont like everything set in to plan's.

Same as going on holiday or a day out, choose when im going and make it up as I go.

Hard disagree. I had an ex like this and it drove me insane. We never ended up doing anything good because by the time he decided to ‘go with the moment’ everything was booked up, or it was too late, etc. I never knew if I was going to see him or do anything with him from weekend to weekend so I either made my own plans and didn’t see him, or kept the weekend free in case he decided he wanted to be spontaneous and ended up doing nothing when he didn’t. All very exciting and free and spontaneous for him, shite for everyone else.

I'm 100% the same OP!! I'll have something planned that IS something I enjoy and my for example will ask me a week before 'what time are you leaving' even though she doesn't need to know and it really winds me up 😅 I can feel my hackles going up with any perceived pressure if I feel it is utterly unnecessary or premature!

I have inattentive ADHD and am probably AuDHD if it makes any difference!

Same. Hate having plans, makes me feel a bit claustrophobic, even for things I enjoy. So my sympathies!

Another one who is the opposite of this- I love having plans and seeing all the fun events set out in my diary.

I have a theatre booking in my diary for 2036. 10 years of wonderful anticipation!

I cant relate to this at all as I am the total opposite.

If I don't plan things I get really down and worry about where the next fun thing is coming from, I have nothing to be excited and look forward to.

I live for my holidays, if I don't have a holiday booked I really do feel more miserable about life in general, I need one in the diary to look forward to.

If I don't make plans in advance I feel like my free time ends up being wasted, I am not as efficient as I could be. If I plan a weekend I can make sure that I maximise fun time if I go with the flow I don't.

If I don't plan I end up procrastinating and wasting time, by planning I get on and do things.

I am a mixture I don’t mind having some dates booked in for somethings so they happen especially if its with a few people or for someones birthday. But I also like some spontaneity and free weekend to do something or nothing

I work shifts so I know now until the end of August what my shifts are, I love going to the theatre so book tickets in advance as if its a popular show/event you can't wait until nearer the time.

I do realise I am at the extreme end - I have an irrational fear of not having things in the diary - I think I am "safe" if I have something to look forward to and nothing will happen to me!

PicaK, didn't you say you had the plumber coming at 10.30? 😜

I am a planner! Sorry

I have been out with some of you go with the flow'ers, you spend half your day deciding what to do, as no one will make a decision then turn up at a restaurant that's fully booked!

No thank you.

Yes absolutely. If you are a “go with the flow-er” you cannot expect to make the rules and have to abide by the decisions others make.

But I still think there’s usually a lot of unnecessary chivvying and nagging that goes with the territory of organising social stuff, much of which could be dispensed with.

My soul sister!

Coffee - Sept 18th at 10am

I think as an ex go with the flower who is now more of a planner, if I asked what time you want to go on Sunday and you don't want to give a specific time btw, I'd be totally happy with a response of "I don't really mind/haven't thought about it yet, whatever works for you". That gives me freedom to plan it however works for me and then I would probably give a reply like "ok I'll be there at 5, see you Sunday"

Particularly because I don't drive, I do find I need to plan transport in advance if I don't want to discover at the last minute that the train connection is shit and they only run once an hour or something.

But they are taking the responsibility of planning it. They're asking what suits you. They don't know you have nothing else planned that day, do they? Or are you expecting them to know exactly what your day looks like and pick a time to suit everyone and just tell you?

If you've got plans booked it's not exactly taxing to agree what time you want to meet up, to allow people to be ready on time.

Guessing you don't have kids or anything?

Hard cannot relate. One of my friends is on the same wave length as you and I try to accommodate her the best I can, but we live in a busy city and when she refuses to commit to booking a nice restaurant and we end up eating in some shitty Wetherspoons or chain restaurant it infuriates me. We’ve ended up paying extra for tickets because she’s refused to commit when tickets first get released. She doesn’t have to plan or research anything, it’s something i genuinely enjoy and she only needs to turn up.

@BertieBotts I have always wondered if I have ADHD too: planning and having to get to things on time stresses the fuck out of me although I have had to learn to deal with it so I am reasonably competent at it now. But I still hate it and I still privately resent “planners”.

You are correct though that being a seat of the pants person really enrages others so its not really worth it.

I don’t have kids which makes it far easier for me to wake up on a free day & just decide to do something, & then if I feel like it change my mind halfway there & do something else.

But I’m busy, & my friends & family are mostly busy, so if we want to do something together it has to be planned in advance.

I used to be like this but TBH it was a bit shit because I would constantly be late for things or find out that something was too expensive when not booked in advance or people wouldn't be available last minute or we'd all get stressed out trying to make a decision in the moment. Everything seems to take forever when you're being spontaneous and work less well.

My mum is still like it and when we get together it takes all day to do about two things, because she has to sit down and have a cup of tea, and then by the time we've talked about it and got carried away chatting on somebody is hungry and then by the time we've discussed what to eat and made that and eaten it and tidied up it's getting late and we only have time to do one thing not the other things we'd thought about doing previously, which we would have had time to do if we had thought about it earlier and paid attention to the time.

In some ways I don't mind, because being with the person is the thing I want to do and it's still lovely to spend time with them whatever we are doing. But it can be a bit frustrating compared with my experience spending more time at pre planned activities with more planning orientated friends. And for my DH who is much more introverted and who would prefer to see people in short bursts, he can't stand all the dithering and finds it really stressful.

I thought this was part of my ADHD TBH so I'm surprised to see so many people relate to it. Maybe it is a Myers Briggs type thing after all, I am a Perceiver and DH is a Judger