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AIBU?

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Original poster

to think some retired people completely forget what it’s like to be working full time?

509 replies

cupofcup · 20/05/2026 11:02

I know retirement is not always easy and older people can have health issues, caring responsibilities etc. But I do think some people genuinely forget what it is like to juggle work, commuting, childcare, housework and just basic life admin all at once.

My DM is retired and will often say how busy she is because she has shopping on Tuesday and a doctor’s appointment on Friday. That is apparently an exhausting week. She is in good health and active. Meanwhile most working people are fitting those things around 40+ hour working weeks.

My retired neighbour constantly comments on how awful another neighbour’s garden looks and how she should tidy it up. The neighbour she is talking about is a working mum with young children who leaves the house at 7am every day. My retired neighbour has a gardener.

Obviously NOT ALL retired people are like this at all. Some are incredibly understanding and helpful. But others seem to completely lose perspective on how relentless working life can be, especially with children.

OP posts:
Daftypants · 20/05/2026 17:21

Wovennotglued78 · 20/05/2026 12:32

You know what I find irritating op is this constant narrative that older or retired women have no experience of real life and therefore. deserve to be belittled.

When I worked ft supporting my family we had a dress code, there was no working from home, hardly any crèches or nurseries, or wrap around care at school, there was rampant misogyny in the office and significant wage disparities between men and women. So I do think I do know a bit about real life actually and juggling children, work and home.

And wait and see how you feel as your energy drops off a cliff once you are past sixty. Many of us in this age group were told that HRT was dangerous and it’s now too late to start it. That’s not the case for everyone but it is for many.

Our parents brought us up with a degree of benign neglect yet we were expected to provide our dc with stellar educations, numerous extra curricular activities, interesting travel opportunities, nutritious whole foods, and to protect every aspect of their emotional wellbeing like a lioness.

Many of us have missed out on generous pensions such as those enjoyed by our older siblings and have had to go on working longer than ever before.

And many of us are still running large homes to which our adult children return home intermittently after university, between jobs, while seeking work, after relationship break ups.

And just when we think we are through the extended child-rearing period of our lives; we are then expected to provide childcare for tiny babies and pre-school toddlers or pre- or after-school care for older children during term time and especially in the holidays.

And you wonder why we are tired?

Hooray 🙌 absolutely. Agree wholeheartedly.
My parents fed and clothed us , maybe took us on little local outings , maybe to see granny .
that was it !
we went to school by ourselves and were definitely not run around to activities.
But women my age were expected to do so much more than that and without wrap around care or free nursery hours
And because we moved away ( only maybe a 2 hour round trip away from home ) my parents would never help us .

OnionFishDiamond · 20/05/2026 17:16

FuzzyPuffling · 20/05/2026 17:01

@OnionFishDiamond

"...when they were young you could typically only have one parent working".

That's more generalised than citing your individual experience.

Cool so quote only half my post without my example… skewing the context… cool 👍

ScabbyHorse · 20/05/2026 17:13

Haha yeah my mum says this all the time and I have to ignore it.. they are probably just trying to make conversation but they’re just not very good at it.

Flamingojune · 20/05/2026 17:11

Cant u just watch tv or read a book after the kids go to bed?

Original poster
cupofcup · 20/05/2026 17:08

Daftypants · 20/05/2026 17:02

I’m older , I’m absolutely exhausted .
I spent many years bringing up 3 kids and running a large house / looking after pets with absolutely no help whatsoever ( one of those children is disabled ) there was never time for myself.
Sadly there still isn’t much time for myself as the disabled adult child is living with us + we haven’t been able to downsize , we need the space and we still have pets .
Also the other adult children + other family expect me to be able to accommodate them when they visit as they live a fair distance away.
They also expect to be looked after .
Doing this ..minus all my hormones add in aches and pains..stick a fork in me I’m done

This sounds really hard 💐

OP posts:
Daftypants · 20/05/2026 17:02

I’m older , I’m absolutely exhausted .
I spent many years bringing up 3 kids and running a large house / looking after pets with absolutely no help whatsoever ( one of those children is disabled ) there was never time for myself.
Sadly there still isn’t much time for myself as the disabled adult child is living with us + we haven’t been able to downsize , we need the space and we still have pets .
Also the other adult children + other family expect me to be able to accommodate them when they visit as they live a fair distance away.
They also expect to be looked after .
Doing this ..minus all my hormones add in aches and pains..stick a fork in me I’m done

Millytante · 20/05/2026 17:01

Chamb · 20/05/2026 11:10

Yeah, we only do it to piss you off. One of the manifold perks of retirement. Older people don't exist to be 'understanding and helpful'. Some of us like to be selfish and infuriating after 40-odd years of captivity.

Oh, well said. Honestly, the bloody cheek of it, categorising retired people according to their immediate usefulness. ( If that's a word)/

FuzzyPuffling · 20/05/2026 17:01

@OnionFishDiamond

"...when they were young you could typically only have one parent working".

That's more generalised than citing your individual experience.

Tshirtking · 20/05/2026 16:59

gostickyourheadinapig · 20/05/2026 16:39

You do realise that watching tv isn't a quasi-compulsory social obligation?

Show quote history

No it isn't but she was complaining she didn't have time to watch TV, when actually she does, she could have done that instead of replying to her goady thread all afternoon

RoutineQueen3 · 20/05/2026 16:52

Or people that cant remember what it was like to be skint when you defo know they used to be skint! Like..why cant you afford it, its months away or just buy such and such, its only X amount!! Grrrrrr

Original poster
cupofcup · 20/05/2026 16:43

Tshirtking · 20/05/2026 16:35

So work, you don't have to reply to every comment

Show quote history

Work off 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
cupofcup · 20/05/2026 16:41

gostickyourheadinapig · 20/05/2026 16:39

You do realise that watching tv isn't a quasi-compulsory social obligation?

Show quote history

It is for that poster who is trying to get me to watch TV,

Apparently parents sit and watch TV from 7.30 - 11.30pm every night 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
cupofcup · 20/05/2026 16:40

Hellohelga · 20/05/2026 16:22

In the 5 hours this post has been running you pull have weeded the garden or painted a room. Just saying…

I haven't been on this post for 5 hours.

I guess I could have baked my own bread too and attended a sewing club?

OP posts:
gostickyourheadinapig · 20/05/2026 16:39

Tshirtking · 20/05/2026 12:40

I didn't mention 3 hours, but while you where posting this twaddle you could have watched at least two 30 mins episodes of something

Show quote history

You do realise that watching tv isn't a quasi-compulsory social obligation?

Boomer55 · 20/05/2026 16:39

Chamb · 20/05/2026 11:10

Yeah, we only do it to piss you off. One of the manifold perks of retirement. Older people don't exist to be 'understanding and helpful'. Some of us like to be selfish and infuriating after 40-odd years of captivity.

Yeah. Selfish buggars aren’t we? Still, we worked hard for decades. 🤷‍♀️

OnionFishDiamond · 20/05/2026 16:37

FuzzyPuffling · 20/05/2026 16:34

Yes I did mean to quote you.
Of course share your experience but don't assume (and state) it was like that for everyone.

Show quote history

I didn’t… I used my own parents as an example.

Tshirtking · 20/05/2026 16:37

OP, if you carnt take the heat don't start a goady thread 🤣

Tshirtking · 20/05/2026 16:35

cupofcup · 20/05/2026 16:34

Report it then.

I am working!

Show quote history

So work, you don't have to reply to every comment

familyissues12345 · 20/05/2026 16:34

Oh yes. I don’t work full time, but my parents know my work hours. They will announce they are coming round at such a time, totally forgetting that some of us are at work Grin

FuzzyPuffling · 20/05/2026 16:34

OnionFishDiamond · 20/05/2026 16:33

Think you meant to quote me 😆 sorry I dared to share my experience of coming from a one working parent household…

Show quote history

Yes I did mean to quote you.
Of course share your experience but don't assume (and state) it was like that for everyone.

Original poster
cupofcup · 20/05/2026 16:34

SnowFrogJelly · 20/05/2026 16:17

You write a Goady post about retired people then spend all afternoon on mumsnet.. don’t you have work to do

Report it then.

I am working!

OP posts:
Original poster
cupofcup · 20/05/2026 16:34

Jaxhog · 20/05/2026 16:32

Yes and No.
You do forget pretty quickly, but don't assume that all retired people have nothing to occupy their time either. Also be aware that while some of us might be 'fit and healthy', most of us won't be, or will have slowed down significantly or have caring responsibilities for aging partners. Many still do a lot of family caring too. It's also the first time in our lives (mine anyway) that we have time to do things we didn't have time to do before. Don't begrudge us that - your time will come too.

I did not assume. That is why I said this:

Obviously NOT ALL retired people are like this at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
cupofcup · 20/05/2026 16:33

hatorgal · 20/05/2026 15:58

No we don't forget it and we thank god that we are not doing it anymore. What you don't appreciate and will one day is how much more tired you get as you age. It's not as if you retire with the same vigour and verve you had at 30 - if only !

People keep saying this but I know lots of old active people who have more bags of energy than me.

The post is not about people getting tired as they get older.

OP posts:
OnionFishDiamond · 20/05/2026 16:33

FuzzyPuffling · 20/05/2026 16:29

Sorry @Hallamule , I quoted you instead of the post about only having one person working.

I'm with you.

Think you meant to quote me 😆 sorry I dared to share my experience of coming from a one working parent household…

Tshirtking · 20/05/2026 16:32

SnowFrogJelly · 20/05/2026 16:17

You write a Goady post about retired people then spend all afternoon on mumsnet.. don’t you have work to do

Exactly, then complains she never watches TV 🤣 she could have watched several programmes this afternoon in her private office instead of trying to wind people up.