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to think some retired people completely forget what it’s like to be working full time?

509 replies

cupofcup · 20/05/2026 11:02

I know retirement is not always easy and older people can have health issues, caring responsibilities etc. But I do think some people genuinely forget what it is like to juggle work, commuting, childcare, housework and just basic life admin all at once.

My DM is retired and will often say how busy she is because she has shopping on Tuesday and a doctor’s appointment on Friday. That is apparently an exhausting week. She is in good health and active. Meanwhile most working people are fitting those things around 40+ hour working weeks.

My retired neighbour constantly comments on how awful another neighbour’s garden looks and how she should tidy it up. The neighbour she is talking about is a working mum with young children who leaves the house at 7am every day. My retired neighbour has a gardener.

Obviously NOT ALL retired people are like this at all. Some are incredibly understanding and helpful. But others seem to completely lose perspective on how relentless working life can be, especially with children.

OP posts:
cupofcup · 21/05/2026 07:47

BeachClub · 20/05/2026 23:04

I know what you mean. My mum keeps bringing me new plants and moans that I don't keep on top of the garden and don't water everything daily. What she doesn't realise is A) I don't really have the time or headspace for gardening and B) if I did have the time, I wouldn't be spending it gardening either.

She wonders why I still haven't been round to the garden centre that is a 2 hour round trip yet.

I have better ways to spend the two hours!

OP posts:
BIossomtoes · 21/05/2026 07:46

ilovesooty · 21/05/2026 07:43

I agree with the OP. I'm 70 and still working part time 4 days a week. I have plenty of retired friends who think they're very busy though.

Kudos. I was OK until my parents died then it became obvious that I’d been running on empty for some time and I was done. I’m quite envious.

ilovesooty · 21/05/2026 07:43

Tshirtking · 20/05/2026 11:15

I think you need to hold your judgement untill you retire. At the moment you have no idea what it feels like to age at that stage in life .

I agree with the OP. I'm 70 and still working part time 4 days a week. I have plenty of retired friends who think they're very busy though.

keepswimming38 · 21/05/2026 07:42

It was like that talking to SAHMs at baby group and school. Their definition of being busy was ridiculous. It’s not just retired people!

Imdunfer · 21/05/2026 07:38

I can't wade back through everything to find the comment now, but if you have a relaxed job that routinely allows you to post on MN in working hours and you genuinely know lots of people on their 60s and 70s who have a lot more energy than you do, then I would in all seriousness suggest that you should get your thyroid, liver and kidney function and your iron, vitamin D and vitamin B12 levels checked.

PyongyangKipperbang · 21/05/2026 00:13

AhMh67 · 20/05/2026 21:39

It's a different mind set us oldies just got on with it. Time management is a skill. I had 2 kids full time job and ran house. Hubby 2 jobs and did gardening work. People nowadays are stuck to their phones when they could be doing things. We maybe watched tv 2 to 3 hours a week. We were always busy

So the hell what?!

I am now officially an "oldie" and I am managing just fine. Doesnt mean it was fine when the kids were young. I didnt "get on with it". I got severe PND, I ended up with serious mental health problems for years as a direct result of being left to "get on with it".

So on the surface I may have just "got on with it" but underneath I wasnt. The swan gracefully traversing the river had two broken legs.

I hope your smugness is keeping you warn a'nights.

ETA I dont have a TV, do I win?!

wfhwfh · 21/05/2026 00:13

goldenhunter · 20/05/2026 11:06

Yes, in some cases. But I think that’s true when you step out of any situation. I WFH full time now, and when I do a couple of in person office days in a week I feel absolutely floored and can’t fathom how people do it all the time!! But it doesn’t register with me day to day how different my colleagues days are to mine the rest of the time because I’m outside of that world now. Ditto the realities of having a newborn.

I think this is a very balanced answer and likely also very accurate.

I also wfh full-time and have to check myself when i am surprised at colleagues being straight out the door after a end-of-day meeting (whereas i tend to finish up and do some set up for the next day). Then i remember they probably have children to pick up or a long commute. But its easy to forget that our own circumstances are not the same as others.

outerspacepotato · 21/05/2026 00:04

cupofcup · 20/05/2026 21:59

Why would I want to do all that? DM would call that cheating.

She says I am lazy because I have a dishwasher and how she hand washes all her dishes.

Yo, Ma, maybe you've missed it but there's an energy and economic crisis on now. It's cheaper and more efficient to use technology and appliances to do chores. Why aren't you beating your clothes on a rock at the river, tell me that? Cheater.

She sounds like a critical micromanager and there's just no pleasing those types so do your thing.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 20/05/2026 23:46

Chamb · 20/05/2026 11:21

Not if they're the self-pitying ageist sort, no.

I think we should all have consideration for each other - and that would include understanding when we are at a somewhat easier stage of life than some others.

Wovennotglued78 · 20/05/2026 23:43

Johnogroats · 20/05/2026 11:37

My dad is like this. Frightfully busy as he has to make a phone call. Suggesting you do X en route to M&S is “complicated”. But he is 85 and on balance, doing pretty well. He struggles to understand how we for everything in…. Which is just life.

And you really can’t comprehend that your dad did as much as you do now when he was your age? You sound like being relatively young compared to him is a special skill or something.

Wovennotglued78 · 20/05/2026 23:24

cupofcup · 20/05/2026 22:02

I have a friend like but she never had a job. Got married young and had children many years later. She mostly stayed at home not doing much but was still busy and tired!

And you consider her a friend?

BeachClub · 20/05/2026 23:04

I know what you mean. My mum keeps bringing me new plants and moans that I don't keep on top of the garden and don't water everything daily. What she doesn't realise is A) I don't really have the time or headspace for gardening and B) if I did have the time, I wouldn't be spending it gardening either.

KeeleyJ · 20/05/2026 22:46

Tshirtking · 20/05/2026 17:59

It always amazes me that people think female retired people didn't work. My grandma who would gave turned 105 this year worked, as did her sister's, their husband's worked and they raised their children as well. I remember my grandma telling me that her mother worked My mother worked when I was a child in the 70s and 80s. Women working is not a new thing that only today's generation deal with .

I agree with that. One Granny (born around 1920) worked all through the war, continued working in hotels and shops etc all her life. The big posh hotel used to let my Mum hang out in the breakfast room after school and watch TV along with other staff members kids (long before TV's were in houses) until her shift finished (kids in 1950's obviously knew how to sit quiet and behave otherwise their Mum's couldn't work!).

Other Granny worked all through the war in the land army and continued working in agricultural for most of her life - lifetime of hard labour destroyed her body.

My Mum always worked, my MIL was a hospital Matron originally specialising in geriatric medicine.

KeeleyJ · 20/05/2026 22:33

cupofcup · 20/05/2026 20:43

I am not allowed to come round to DM's on laundry day 😂

Do you think we'll end up with things like laundry day as opposed to "oh shit I've no clean socks" days 😆.

Not sure if you become organised in old age or if that is just older generations were always more rigid.

JLou08 · 20/05/2026 22:19

Tshirtking · 20/05/2026 22:02

So OP it seems like you got no work done today, and what about your kids? How much attention did they did? None going by the consistency of your posts

People are mentally exhausted from the screen time! If we took away the mobile phones there would be more time and we would probably be more motivated and less tired. I say we as I do it too, so this is no judgement towards OP.

Tshirtking · 20/05/2026 22:02

So OP it seems like you got no work done today, and what about your kids? How much attention did they did? None going by the consistency of your posts

cupofcup · 20/05/2026 22:02

ILoveMyCaravan · 20/05/2026 21:50

My friend was/is like that, except she gave up working when she was 25 and had her first child. Always saying how tired and busy she was 🙄

I have a friend like but she never had a job. Got married young and had children many years later. She mostly stayed at home not doing much but was still busy and tired!

OP posts:
cupofcup · 20/05/2026 22:00

Awkwardone · 20/05/2026 21:56

You do realise that aging brings with it pain in joints, greater tiredness and the need to rest more.

Good luck i getting old. It hurts.

Maybe for you it does.

I have relatives and older friends having a very different experience.

Sounds like you are having bad luck.

OP posts:
Tshirtking · 20/05/2026 22:00

cupofcup · 20/05/2026 21:54

Yes I shall remember when I am retired not to tell a busy mum who is working to bake her on bread and criticise her for not keeping up with the garden.

Not everyone has half the energy at retirement than they did in the formative years my dear!

Edited

How would you know?

cupofcup · 20/05/2026 21:59

outerspacepotato · 20/05/2026 21:56

Get a bread machine and premix the dry ingredients of your favorites. When you're ready to bake, put the liquids and or oils in the pan, add the dry stuff, yeast, check your dough ball after a few minutes and tweak as needed, and you've got homemade bread.

One down.

Hire lawn maintenance. Two down.

Go minimalist. Three down.

Why would I want to do all that? DM would call that cheating.

She says I am lazy because I have a dishwasher and how she hand washes all her dishes.

OP posts:
cupofcup · 20/05/2026 21:57

AhMh67 · 20/05/2026 21:39

It's a different mind set us oldies just got on with it. Time management is a skill. I had 2 kids full time job and ran house. Hubby 2 jobs and did gardening work. People nowadays are stuck to their phones when they could be doing things. We maybe watched tv 2 to 3 hours a week. We were always busy

Yes oldies just got on with it. Everybody else is not getting on with it of course 🙄

My DM was a SAHM but I have always worked but yes she got on with it. She watched as heck of a lot more TV than 2-3 hours a week.

OP posts:
Awkwardone · 20/05/2026 21:56

You do realise that aging brings with it pain in joints, greater tiredness and the need to rest more.

Good luck i getting old. It hurts.

outerspacepotato · 20/05/2026 21:56

cupofcup · 20/05/2026 21:02

No one is denying that but a person who does not work should not be going on at someone who is working to be baking bread and making the garden look lovely for every season and wondering why the decorating has not been done yet.

Get a bread machine and premix the dry ingredients of your favorites. When you're ready to bake, put the liquids and or oils in the pan, add the dry stuff, yeast, check your dough ball after a few minutes and tweak as needed, and you've got homemade bread.

One down.

Hire lawn maintenance. Two down.

Go minimalist. Three down.

cupofcup · 20/05/2026 21:54

Charlize43 · 20/05/2026 21:12

OP, I hope you remember this post when you reach retirement at 67 and have half the energy you had in your formative years. Your turn will come my dear!

Yes I shall remember when I am retired not to tell a busy mum who is working to bake her on bread and criticise her for not keeping up with the garden.

Not everyone has half the energy at retirement than they did in the formative years my dear!

OP posts:
ILoveMyCaravan · 20/05/2026 21:50

My friend was/is like that, except she gave up working when she was 25 and had her first child. Always saying how tired and busy she was 🙄