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to think some retired people completely forget what it’s like to be working full time?

509 replies

cupofcup · 20/05/2026 11:02

I know retirement is not always easy and older people can have health issues, caring responsibilities etc. But I do think some people genuinely forget what it is like to juggle work, commuting, childcare, housework and just basic life admin all at once.

My DM is retired and will often say how busy she is because she has shopping on Tuesday and a doctor’s appointment on Friday. That is apparently an exhausting week. She is in good health and active. Meanwhile most working people are fitting those things around 40+ hour working weeks.

My retired neighbour constantly comments on how awful another neighbour’s garden looks and how she should tidy it up. The neighbour she is talking about is a working mum with young children who leaves the house at 7am every day. My retired neighbour has a gardener.

Obviously NOT ALL retired people are like this at all. Some are incredibly understanding and helpful. But others seem to completely lose perspective on how relentless working life can be, especially with children.

OP posts:
DangerousAlchemy · 21/05/2026 11:05

cupofcup · 20/05/2026 13:19

Report it then.

Jeez you just sound so angry and bitter! Talk to your DM I suggest rather than being abrupt on mumsnet. If her comments or demands are annoying you this much then tell her. Or maybe change your job so you do have more time in the evenings for hobbies? You're jumping down everyone's throat here 🤷‍♀️

cupofcup · 21/05/2026 09:45

OnlyHasEyesForLoki · 21/05/2026 08:28

My parents were similar - I was working shifts as a midwife with 4 DCs and a stepDD, the youngest only 10 months old. I was working one May BH Monday and it was boiling and my mother rang my mobile repeatedly all day. They retired at 60 and never lifted a finger again. When I finally had a minute to call her back she said “I’m very disappointed that you haven’t been to shampoo our carpets!!” It was the final straw to be honest. When I asked why they hadn’t ring my brother with no kids who worked Monday to Friday 9-5 not including bank holidays she said “oh we couldn’t ask him, he’s so busy”. Yet when they worked running a pub they had absolutely no time whatsoever for family, never mind shampooing their carpets! They also dragged me out in the snow one Christmas Eve saying they had no food and I dragged myself round a supermarket leaving my own family at home only to find a neighbour had done the same for them the day before and I couldn’t even get it all in the fridge and cupboards!

It fractured our relationship which never recovered after years of this kind of thing. I am determined never to become an entitled, demanding narcissist when I retire!!

Sounds like there is some sexism here too.

I was going away on holiday and DM insisted I buy something for her and bring it to her as she needed it so badly. I was really pushed for time but I did it. She didn't use it for a year 🙄

OP posts:
Oohanothername · 21/05/2026 09:00

Chamb · 20/05/2026 11:10

Yeah, we only do it to piss you off. One of the manifold perks of retirement. Older people don't exist to be 'understanding and helpful'. Some of us like to be selfish and infuriating after 40-odd years of captivity.

🤣🤣👏🏻👏🏻 do you walk around supermarkets at a snails pace on purpose, too? And pull out in front of people then drive at 6 mph? Just to irritate the workers who are rushing around? I've got to say, I'm quite looking forward to this! 😂

Corianda · 21/05/2026 08:55

AllTheTreesOfTheField · 21/05/2026 08:41

I’ve been retired 7 years but the novelty hasn’t worn off yet. I’m still absolutely thrilled not to have to get up at 7am to go to work.

6 years retired and still get up early........ to do fuck all 'til 9am earliest! 😆

Yes, that’s the best part -don’t have to leap out of bed, shower, wash hair (only every 3days now), no make up -brill

coulditbeme2323 · 21/05/2026 08:51

PolkaDotPorridge · 20/05/2026 19:03

It’s not a full time job 🤣 some people have three or more children AND work. That would mean they have two full jobs which is impossible!

I said like a full time job

AllTheTreesOfTheField · 21/05/2026 08:41

I’ve been retired 7 years but the novelty hasn’t worn off yet. I’m still absolutely thrilled not to have to get up at 7am to go to work.

6 years retired and still get up early........ to do fuck all 'til 9am earliest! 😆

lifeisgoodrightnow · 21/05/2026 08:33

OnlyHasEyesForLoki · 21/05/2026 08:28

My parents were similar - I was working shifts as a midwife with 4 DCs and a stepDD, the youngest only 10 months old. I was working one May BH Monday and it was boiling and my mother rang my mobile repeatedly all day. They retired at 60 and never lifted a finger again. When I finally had a minute to call her back she said “I’m very disappointed that you haven’t been to shampoo our carpets!!” It was the final straw to be honest. When I asked why they hadn’t ring my brother with no kids who worked Monday to Friday 9-5 not including bank holidays she said “oh we couldn’t ask him, he’s so busy”. Yet when they worked running a pub they had absolutely no time whatsoever for family, never mind shampooing their carpets! They also dragged me out in the snow one Christmas Eve saying they had no food and I dragged myself round a supermarket leaving my own family at home only to find a neighbour had done the same for them the day before and I couldn’t even get it all in the fridge and cupboards!

It fractured our relationship which never recovered after years of this kind of thing. I am determined never to become an entitled, demanding narcissist when I retire!!

That’s dreadful. Selfish twunts.

OnlyHasEyesForLoki · 21/05/2026 08:28

My parents were similar - I was working shifts as a midwife with 4 DCs and a stepDD, the youngest only 10 months old. I was working one May BH Monday and it was boiling and my mother rang my mobile repeatedly all day. They retired at 60 and never lifted a finger again. When I finally had a minute to call her back she said “I’m very disappointed that you haven’t been to shampoo our carpets!!” It was the final straw to be honest. When I asked why they hadn’t ring my brother with no kids who worked Monday to Friday 9-5 not including bank holidays she said “oh we couldn’t ask him, he’s so busy”. Yet when they worked running a pub they had absolutely no time whatsoever for family, never mind shampooing their carpets! They also dragged me out in the snow one Christmas Eve saying they had no food and I dragged myself round a supermarket leaving my own family at home only to find a neighbour had done the same for them the day before and I couldn’t even get it all in the fridge and cupboards!

It fractured our relationship which never recovered after years of this kind of thing. I am determined never to become an entitled, demanding narcissist when I retire!!

Tshirtking · 21/05/2026 08:27

All this time you have been checking and posting on here. Some of that time you could have called your dad, put that time to some actual use but you chose to put utter rubbish on here instead. Your dad has a point. I call my dad at least 3-4 times a week, I prioritise the time, you could to if you put your mind to it. Once he's gone you will regret everything you said on here

BIossomtoes · 21/05/2026 08:26

You have no idea if they have pain or arthritis @cupofcup. Just because they don’t talk about it (I don’t either) doesn’t mean they don’t have it.

cupofcup · 21/05/2026 08:23

lifeisgoodrightnow · 21/05/2026 08:11

You know what I had sympathy with your viewpoint until this. Most people as they age develop forms of arthritis and pain. The odd one doesn’t and I’m ( 58) very much of the use it or lose it school of thought myself . But as you age it is much harder to do most things and you have to pace which is why they feel busy as they’re having to schedule in around rest. You don’t get it yet but you will.

Just talking about my experience. The active retired people mostly have good energy and no pain and arthritis.

I am not saying older people shouldn't feel busy or need more rest. That is not what this thread is about at all.

People saying - you will get it, you will understand when it happens to you. Might, might not, might die before then or have a completely different experience. All old people are not having the same experience exactly.

OP posts:
BIossomtoes · 21/05/2026 08:13

I used to vaguely wonder what my mum meant when she mentioned her “aches and pains”. I know exactly what she meant now.

lifeisgoodrightnow · 21/05/2026 08:13

cupofcup · 21/05/2026 07:59

Great that you are enjoying your retirement ❤

I was lucky my work allowed that but it did involve 30 years prior of selling my soul and 70 hour weeks minimum.

I found it hard initially- I felt work was a purpose and made me useful. Now I know being there for my family and having lots of fun is my purpose.

lifeisgoodrightnow · 21/05/2026 08:11

cupofcup · 20/05/2026 22:00

Maybe for you it does.

I have relatives and older friends having a very different experience.

Sounds like you are having bad luck.

You know what I had sympathy with your viewpoint until this. Most people as they age develop forms of arthritis and pain. The odd one doesn’t and I’m ( 58) very much of the use it or lose it school of thought myself . But as you age it is much harder to do most things and you have to pace which is why they feel busy as they’re having to schedule in around rest. You don’t get it yet but you will.

BunnyLake · 21/05/2026 08:01

Lifestooshort71 · 21/05/2026 07:49

Oh gosh, this is me! Retired 10 years, live on 2nd floor in block of flats with car park in front. Everyone has a nickname, a life story and a back story, when MOH pops his clogs, I shall buy a comfy recliner to live in by the window and be invaluable as a police informer.

A modern day Miss Marple 😂

cupofcup · 21/05/2026 07:59

lifeisgoodrightnow · 21/05/2026 07:53

I retired at 49 after working in the city. I blimmin’ love it.

Great that you are enjoying your retirement ❤

OP posts:
cupofcup · 21/05/2026 07:57

Yogabearmous · 21/05/2026 07:51

My retired parents don’t get the concept of working from home. They want to come over for lunch and “help” me clean out cupboards or rearrange the shed, despite me constantly telling them I am wfh. If you are at home, you are free to do things - they really don’t get the concept at all.

Same here. DM will want a lift somewhere because I am WFH. Just doesn't get it!

OP posts:
PartyQuestion30th · 21/05/2026 07:57

I get you. But also at 58. I’m planning to drop a day next year as I am tireder. Work FT, gym 3 mornings a week, exercise class one evening. Garden, dog and house to look after, I like to cook, see friends, appointments…. And I see people who manage all that with kids!! I just don’t have the same energy.

cupofcup · 21/05/2026 07:56

Jk987 · 21/05/2026 07:51

But they’ve been there done that, got the pension! Why shouldn’t they enjoy their twice weekly appointments and trip to the garden centre?

Nobody is saying that they shouldn't enjoy their twice weekly appointments and trip to the garden centre 🙄

OP posts:
lifeisgoodrightnow · 21/05/2026 07:53

I retired at 49 after working in the city. I blimmin’ love it.

lifeisgoodrightnow · 21/05/2026 07:52

Lifestooshort71 · 21/05/2026 07:49

Oh gosh, this is me! Retired 10 years, live on 2nd floor in block of flats with car park in front. Everyone has a nickname, a life story and a back story, when MOH pops his clogs, I shall buy a comfy recliner to live in by the window and be invaluable as a police informer.

I love you !

Yogabearmous · 21/05/2026 07:51

My retired parents don’t get the concept of working from home. They want to come over for lunch and “help” me clean out cupboards or rearrange the shed, despite me constantly telling them I am wfh. If you are at home, you are free to do things - they really don’t get the concept at all.

Jk987 · 21/05/2026 07:51

But they’ve been there done that, got the pension! Why shouldn’t they enjoy their twice weekly appointments and trip to the garden centre?

Tshirtking · 21/05/2026 07:50

cupofcup · 21/05/2026 07:47

She wonders why I still haven't been round to the garden centre that is a 2 hour round trip yet.

I have better ways to spend the two hours!

Like create a ridiculous thread then send all afternoon checking it and replying to most messages instead of working. 🤣

Lifestooshort71 · 21/05/2026 07:49

Sartre · 20/05/2026 11:38

Our NDN makes up paranoid stories about people on the street. One is a drug dealer, another is creating porn and the 90 year old is a secret raging alcoholic who is a drunk driver... Her evidence for the latter is the fact his dog is called Whiskey.

Oh gosh, this is me! Retired 10 years, live on 2nd floor in block of flats with car park in front. Everyone has a nickname, a life story and a back story, when MOH pops his clogs, I shall buy a comfy recliner to live in by the window and be invaluable as a police informer.