to think some retired people completely forget what it’s like to be working full time?

Sometimes needs must. Whoever judged you is in the wrong.

My mum is very demanding of specific timings for visits etc where the actual plan is to potter around doing nothing specific. If you tell her you need to catch a train, she understands that. If you tell her you want to beat the traffic and finish work, it's a wild imposition. My dad gently reminds her that the three sets of kids she's trying to meet have kids, other family and jobs to work around.

My MIL more forgets not the busyness of working life, but rather that we're just not that invested in her wider family now that we have our own family and will badger us about committing to those things - even though she is hugely supportive if the issue is one of work etc. (I'm talking about not tying up our calendar with a second cousin once removeds' cats bah mitzvah, not skipping visits to grandparents!).

My parents both worked long hours in high pressure roles throughout my childhood. They also volunteered, had family commitments and all the other things busy working parents do.

For the first 10 years after they retired they absolutely remembered what it was like and understood what our lives were like. They remained very busy themselves during that time volunteering, doing hobbies, helping with the grandchildren.

After that they just gradually… forgot.

They’ve now been retired for more than 20 years and as they are in their 80s are increasingly unable to cope with any kind of stress.

So one appointment or activity a day is genuinely a busy and stressful week for them now.

But I now find a long day in the office especially tiring when as a young Mum I was office based 5 days a week, with a long commute and then came home to the chaos of small children.

I’m allowed to be tired (as a menopausal woman with adult children) even though I was much, much much busier 10 years ago.

Perhaps we should all just give each other more grace and understanding, whichever stage of life we are at. (and that goes both ways)

The thing is we do have sympathy for those still in captivity. I mourned a little for my dc’s lost freedom when they got responsibilities and mortgages, even though it’s what they wanted. I literally don’t know how people manage to hold down f/t jobs, look after the children, look after the house, keep up with life admin, at full pelt…but we did it, so I have to hope that they have the same reserves as we did, when we were younger. It’s a fact that as most people age, their energy levels and capacity to juggle lessens. That’s just biology. And once you’re not in the thick of it any more, maybe it’s quite nice for people to feel that two things in one day is ‘busy’!

I'm a big believer in Parkinson's Law: work expands to fit time allotted for it. And our perception of how busy we are expands with it.

Agree with a PP who talked about WFH. I'm lucky enough to WFH full time now, after a few years of hybrid, and many years at the beginning of my career with full time in office and long commutes. The thought of going back to daily commuting and working in the office is awful, like how would I manage it. Yet I know I would because I did.

And it's not like I notice to a huge extent how much easier and less full on my life is day to day now I WFH...you get used to it so quickly, and fill the time gained with other things (more exercise, commitment to gardening, more housework, new hobbies, whatever). Soon become these new commitments you're feeling frazzled by, even though they felt like lovely extra luxurious "extras" they once were.

I imagine retirement feels much the same, plus with age you have less physical energy and vim.

I think we can all agree that elderly people are a burden. Especially as they are another part of a sexist society. When women are working full time and many of us have children, we are expected to look after elderly relatives.

My brother has never been asked to look after things for my mother.
He lives nearer to my mother than I do.

I have been asked by relatives to do things for my mother. If i say no, im looked at like im selfish.

It's also true of some parents who don't go out to work, having one child is considered to be a full time job and it really isn't, having a second is world shattering.

Double post

Jesus Christ of course it's fucking tiring. As you age everything starts to wear out so you don't have the stamina you once had. It shouldn't really be a competition of who is more exhausted or worn down. I am 68 and do remember how tiring having babies and working was, I also know that I can't do the shopping like i used to because of mobility issues. Doesn't make me any less understanding of how difficult some people find life.

understandable!

But I find it so sad, when people make their own world so narrow, and pretty much give up on life.

But then some people (claim they) were having a blissful time in the lockdown when they could potter at home all day doing nothing else but craft and baking banana bread. Hell on earth for the rest of us.

My mother is similar - she likes to say she started working full time at 15 like it’s a badge of honour. What she fails to mention is that she then gave up paid work at 23 when she got married.

She also likes to give me career advice which has little to no relevance in the modern world of work. And has no concept of having to fit everything around a 40 hour work week.

My mother and mil can be like this. Mil thinks we can drop everything at any whim she has although she has got better. My mother was very set in her timetable though despite being retired she would do her shopping on a Saturday then complain about how busy it was. I said ‘why not do it on a different day like a Friday?’ ‘Oh no I do my washing on a Friday!’ Well one of another day mon-Fri when you have every day free? No, because that’s her schedule, don’t moan then.

Above comment should say

Help when it is convenient to you !

Perhaps but it winds me up no end.

No, Ive never forgotten what it was like to work two jobs, do the school run, all appointments etc because I did it twice. I brought up my grandchildren and started again at 40. I told my eldest dd I did not want any more childcare duties but she was very supportive with the boys, so I wanted to repay this.

I help out but its not too much. I do enjoy it. But the longer you are away from it, the bigger the fear sometimes is of being tied down, overburdened or it being exhausting.

I am still programmed to panic about getting back in time for the school run years after they ended.

One of the things I hadn’t considered about getting older is how much longer things take. I am in my 70s, I’m healthy, I’m fit and active, and it pisses me off that I just can’t do things as quickly as I used to. I’m faster than my 80 year old husband, so I guess it’ll just get worse.

I hope I don’t judge others who have more demands on their time, but when I say ‘I’ve been busy this week’ and I’ve done comparatively few things, it’s because those things have filled a lot of time.

I agree, I know some elderly pensioners who have been retired for 30 years.

However, there are some things that can help like;

Online shopping delivered or click & collect shopping

Regular medication delivered by pjarmacy or GP surgery

Paying for cleaner, gardener, carer, helper

Helping when it is comvenient to you, rather than convenient to you

If you start feeling that bad, can't button things and out of breath running after a bus at 45 or even at 70, when 80 years old still run marathons, travel the world and have a perfectly normal life

I'd suggest you get a Personal Trainer Urgently and start moving before you lose all your chance to get back to normal!

Use it or lose it, but declining at 45 is not normal. Many women (or men) have kids that barely start primary school at that age, they're not ancient 😂

What annoyed me about my aunt is she retired early, lives in a lovely house.

I work fulltime and have a hectic life. She sent me a message saying "you should be ashamed of yourself for not looking after my mother". She didnt send that message to ny brother.

I grew up in Ireland where women are constantly expected to be the caregivers for elderly parents. Its the same in other countries too, I know.

My Irish friend moved to Canada and has a great life there. She came home to Ireland to visit and she told me that she was sorry she came home at all.

She said when she was at home her parents, and aunts, uncles all said to her "you should be at home looking after your parents, when are you coming home". They were horrible to her.

She is not coming home. I wont sacrifice my life to take care of my elderly mother either. She can get a carer.

Wise observations x

I have a relative who can be a bit like this. I find when there are too many ‘oh what an exhausting week I’ve had with a lunch, dentist appointment and shopping trip ALL in one week!’, a gentle rib about ‘imagine squeezing all that in around a 40 hour working week as well?!’ helps them with perspective!

It's probably genuine.

The less you do, the more overwhelmed you become and more lazy you become. Being inactive is terrible for your physical and mental health, and you start drowning in nothing at all.

It's so true that people who keep very active and busy stay young.

Em they do point a gun at our head to work. I was unemployed for a short time. God, i was called into so many job centre meetings and treated like shit until i got a job

I think it's a well known principle that your tasks expand to fit the time available. It does make me laugh when my parents can't do anything for an entire week before going on holiday because they're too busy getting ready for their holiday, when I'm frantically packing and organising around working full time, for a couple of days before

If you are exhausted because you work full time and have two kids that is the life you chose! No one pointed a gun at your head.