to think some retired people completely forget what it’s like to be working full time?

My mum does the same OP! I'm a single mum of a toddler and work full time. My mum looks after my son one day a week and does pick ups most nursery days and gives him dinner (about 2 hours in total in the afternoon). Every moment I'm not working I'm with my son and trying to keep on top of everything but it's just not possible for me to do more than the necessities. She goes on and on at me about all the things I haven't managed to get round to. She also tells me constantly how exhausted she is but she chooses to do a sport which takes up the whole day three times a week and other exercise classes the other days plus sees friends a lot. She tells me I need to exercise more but the only way to fit it in is if she looks after my son while I do it, which if she does she complains about that.

It's like she thinks I'm hiding a vortex of spare time somewhere 🤦🏻‍♀️. She says she managed everything but she worked part time or not at all when she had kids.

Well I'm not retired, so you got that wrong. I do however have retired parents and I know their friends. People do tire more as the get older. My dad gets tired after an hour of gardening and he has every right to express this. He worked in a very physically demanding job, as did my mum, they also cared for 4 children so do know what it's like to work hard and care for children. Thus post is about ageism, and it's revolting. OP will be older one day herself, I hope your kids are more forgiving when you will say you are tired because quite frankly it stinks when even your children carnt understand.

I dunno, our lovely retired neighbours sometimes do my head in with their amazement at how we do it all (work, kids and their activities, garden, pets) and thinking I must be exhausted if I've had three evenings of kids activities in a row and a club committee meeting all in the same week. It makes me think I must look knackered all the time!

Yes most do eventually, same as most younger people feel that no generation ever has had it as tough as them.

I've always thought understanding should work both ways tbh.

I won't be a burden to anyone actually as I don't have children. When I am old, I will be looking after myself or paying for a carer to help me with physical jobs that I can't do.

If someone looks after me I will pay them for their time.

Too many elderly people are cheeky and want people to look after them, unpaid.

Lol this thread is bizarre! OP is not attacking pensioners. Talk about some thin-skinned people out and about!

OP, this is my DMIL to a tee. Teacher for 30+ years, retired now for 5. Does not seem to remember what it’s like to work, save money, or have young children! She keeps busy, but it’s nowhere near the level of full-time work. She wonders why I don’t have time to go to the gym with her for two hours every day!

It’s great she can do all her hobbies and travel, but weird that she acts like everyone else is retired.

I can only speak from my own experiences with my parents since they retired. My dad, who retired with a fantastic pension at 58 & is now 83, couldn't fathom how we hadn't had the time to turn our back garden into a fully landscaped oasis. Apparently the fact that working full time (with long commutes), having 2 young children and trying to renovate the inside of the house wasn't good enough reason for not having the time, energy or money. He stated we could do it after the children were asleep (by which point we barely had the energy to watch TV, let along dig up the garden!). I had to point out it was December, pitch black by 4.45pm and bloody freezing outside but nope, we just weren't using our time efficiently!
Yet my parents regularly rearrange visits because they've booked a delivery of fence panels (insert other non-urgent items here) on the day they were due to come to us & can't possibly move the delivery by a couple of days (even though they get to choose the delivery date).
Don't get me started about them having absolutely no idea what the average price of things are these day because my dad goes to Waitrose at 8pm daily and buys everything with a reduced label on it, so in their mind milk only costs 15p!

I am taking quiet notes from my parents behaviours so that when I retire I can try to be pretty much the exact opposite in so many ways!

My 84 y/o Dad said he was going to write a letter to his grand daughter (my DD) who is abroad. He said this in 2024. He still hasn't written the letter. He never goes out, and has all day to himself. He still says at the end of most phone calls, "I'm going to write that letter this week". Gah!

Yes, my in laws. Can you come and sort my garden, yes we both work and it’s a 7 hour round trip. We’ve our own large garden to sort. Just bloody pay someone, you can afford it!!!

So what's your actual beef with the oldsters?

They did their time and it was hard. Now they're doing what they want and because they've done their time in the trenches, they get tired. They might have chronic illnesses or issues stemming from their work. And yes, when you're not actively working a full time job, you get out of the rushing all the time routine. It's not a big deal. I don't get your problem here. Oldsters exist, fucking deal. You might get to be one someday.

It is in a lot of families.

And it has been written about on many threads on mumsnet before. Ive seen women complain on here that caring for elderly parents falls on them, not their brothers

I think we often forget how hard certain parts of our life was. My sister often tells me how having pre-school children was the happiest time and how much she misses it but I have hundreds of messages from her to the contrary! She was dying of stress but she looks back now at happy baby and toddler photos and chooses to remember the good times. I think it’s fairly normal.

Im 37 and already I’ve forgotten what it was like during my four years at university. To me now I look back and think it was easy but if I really really try and remember, maybe it wasn’t so?

Older people generally tire more easily. There are exceptions but go easy on your mum. My parents tire after a few trips out a week too, both mentally and physically. I can’t judge because I’ve never been in my 70s.

Oh another one that gets me, my MIL (who's lovely) always makes comments about how we don't always have matching socks.
I always grab socks from the same pack so they feel the same but don't always have the same design on. She just has to tut and mention it.
Some days it doesn't bother me, other days I want to scream that I don't have fucking time to sit for 20 minutes and match all the fucking socks, I wish I did but I have 100 other things to do, ah alas!

If there is anyone on the thread who would like to swap the energy levels , joint and muscle health and cognitive speed of a thirty something year old with the energy levels, joint and muscle health and cognitive speed of a sixty something year old please do get in touch with me.

I think we can all agree that elderly people are a burden. Especially as they are another part of a sexist society. When women are working full time and many of us have children, we are expected to look after elderly relatives.

Indeed. I can tell from this post that some of us are going to be hugely annoying burdens when we get old…

Me too.

@cupofcup "I have a retired friend who runs marathons and DM who will only walk for 10 minutes because she finds doing more boring (she is capable of walking more)."

So I suggest you change the title of your thread because this is basically sour grapes about your own mother and auntie (yep, the one who apparently watches TV all day everyday). But instead you've used a rather pathetic and unpleasantly ageist vehicle to vent. And I gather from your last post that you're supposed to be actually working from home as we speak?

Also wise x

The alternative to being retired is, in most cases, being dead!

Oh put your claws away, it can be true that OP has 10 mins to look on here and that SOME older people have forgot what it's like to be in the thick of it!

OP never said all retired people did she? So if you don't think she is talking about you then don't get offended, you are clearly one of the people who don't act like this. BUT you must know that some older people do? That is who OP is referring to so why are you getting yourself in a tizz if it's not you?

That isn't limited to the retired, though, is it? I AM retired and I get criticism for using ready meals.

In your experience maybe, that's not the case in every family

I’m 67 and a granny of two babies and I still do about 5 hours of client contact which means about an equal amount of writing up after. I have NOT forgotten what it is like to work full time with children. I try to do everything to make life easier for my daughters. Today I walked for about an hour to bring my grandson home. He was too sick for nursery, she had an early meeting. I was trying to avoid her having to sit in rush hour traffic coming to drop off and rush hour traffic to get to the office.

I will have a nap at about 6:30 when dad has picked him up.

I don’t need praise for what I am doing, I am just trying to make the point that not every retired person has forgotten.

My child minding of grandchildren brings back so many memories. There are lots of good memories, but some are how it was so hard. The recent bad memory is driving to daycare with a two and three year old screaming in the car. It was a horrible way to start every day.

So this is a vote for you not judging all retired people. I for one will be enjoying the long weekend when all I have to do is dog sit my eldest’s pet while they go off on a trip with the other set of grandparents - who are going along to babysit because a concert is part of the trip. (They agreed to go before the tickets were booked).

I do know how you feel about comments about ready made food etc - I’m 64 now but in my mid late 30s and working full time with a 4 month old baby ( those were the days eh) I remember my MIL making comments about how I didn’t seem to be keeeping up with the ironing and would I like her to take some! Whilst it wasa kind offer and meant well , it really boiled my piss at the time as she hadn’t worked for years( mid to late 50sat time) and no mention either that my H ( her son) didn’t seem to be keeping up with it either - I think it’s the lack of empathy that’s getting you down and yes I would say something. I do think one thing to understand isa lot of older non working people do start to feel irrelevant and so whilst not busy in the way you see it do feel a need to ‘keep busy’ and say they are busy, but in their own way. However a little bit of empathy, offers of a bit of support/help and winding their neck in wouldn't go amiss in ‘some’ - ( it’s really an individual thing) -