To ask you to tell me about toddler/ children's birthday party etiquette?

op this was a year ago?? why are you giving it headspace. we gift a tenner for a hook friends, used to be a fiver, but I don't judge anyone who gives less or nothing. I invite their kid cos mine likes them, not for the gifts.

£30 for a kids party is crazy
I used to do a token gift for whole class type parties then something more like £10-£20 when they’re older and just going to smaller close friend parties.
It’s fine to just pop in when your child is that much younger than the others.
2 is on the young side for going to parties anyway, mine didn’t go to them until they were 3/4 preschool age

It’s fine to decline, you just seem weirdly aggravated about it all 🤷‍♀️ Just don’t go, it’s not that big a deal, but all the negative comments about junk food or the activities or the party not what being you expected etc. just seem a bit of an odd attitude. It’s nice for your kids to be invited to stuff and included. Most people aren’t holding parties to show off their ‘£100 ride-ons’ or expect gifts worth £50, they just want their child to have fun with some other kids. If it’s not fun for your kid then it’s fine not to go. My DD2 went to a load of parties at 2 and enjoyed them all (sibling invites are very common in our circle) but she’s just that kind of kid.

If you’re physically unable to go then there’s no point in even worrying about it. But being pregnant isn’t the same experience for everyone, I was climbing up soft play at 38 weeks pregnant as DD1 got stuck so it’s not necessarily the case that being pregnant precludes you taking a kid to a party. In your case it does so that’s all there is to it really!

My DH has done his fair share of taking kids to parties, which is always nice to get a couple of hours peace and quiet!

I agree up to a point but I would say that I definitely noticed the ones who least often came were the children who were younger siblings in their own families - and I am sure that pattern continued with us - simply because you live and learn that the friendship groups slot naturally into place with time and, as much as anything, are driven by what takes place at school.

Reception parties aren't the "make or break" social launch/ debutante events we tend to embrace them as as first time parents!

I like children’s parties. Someone else entertains and feeds them and I get to chat to an adult.

I declined all birthday party invites until age 5, when my kids were old to enough to give a fuck. Until then, the parties are for the adults' benefit and they are absolute hell on earth.

Yes, they would have enjoyed those parties at age 2 or 3 as well. But they very much enjoyed the time with their mum and dad too.

Your gift sounds fine for a party where your child was not really in the same age group as the birthday child and your invitation was more out of politeness. The important thing with parties is to RSVP promptly, turn up if you say you will, don't turn up if you haven't said you will, don't bring uninvited siblings unless with prior agreement and message if you have to cancel at short notice. In this area either parent can accompany the child and by 5 or 6 they're "drop and go" parties.

I agree, whole class parties can be havoc — and you sometimes have to factor in siblings too! It’s very doable though, you either have it in your garden (if the weather is good), a community hall, or if you live in a flat, your building’s residents’ lounge. But this whole party chaos is only for 1, 2 years tops; from Year 2 onward friendship groups will be established and only 5-10 close friends will get invites.

Whole-year parties aren’t for family time, they’re for DC to get to know their classmates and not feel left out. It’s not meant to be enjoyable for the parents (although I do like getting to know the parents), it’s just something you do for your DC at that age until they figure out who their friends are.

@Matchapilatesbotox A lot of absolutely will not attend this number of parties and dc can do other things ! Whole class parties are a nightmare if you actuality want time to do family things. Also with 30 in a year group, they are too big, and too expensive and who wants the badly behaved ones either? Parents should invite who dc is actually friends with and who wants dc with 29 presents? Way too much.

I've always done £10 ish at nursery age and £15 for whole-class parties at primary school.

Don’t worry about attending every birthday party your child is invited to when they are 2. Once they reach school age and whole-year parties are a thing (in Reception and Year 1, at least) you’ll be attending a birthday party practically every weekend — plenty of opportunity for DC to have fun and learn about social etiquette then!

At state primaries and nurseries at my pocket of SW London (Chelsea), £10 is a typical amount to spend on a birthday present for classmates, up to £25 for close friends.

Typical £10 presents are Lego (they do a Rides vehicles series that’s perfect for ages 4 up), GALT craft and STEM kits (the smaller ones are often on sale on Amazon for £10 - £12), and Argos 2 for £20 gifts. I tend to stock up and bung them in the gifting cupboard, along with brown Kraft wrapping paper that I get my DC to personalise by decorating (also saves money and space on cards if you can get your DC to write/draw a birthday message on the wrapping). Bulk-buy generic paper gift bags on Amazon, and now you have a fully-stashed gifting cupboard for the rest of the year.

I spend £10-20, I'd go up to £30 for best mates if I was feeling comfortable money-wise at the time. I let my kid choose something from B&M so there's not a set budget but I will say no to more expensive ideas he has.

@MoneyMakingTipsWelcome Before dc go to school it’s perfectly ok to decline! Many parents have other things to do so don’t worry! Pick and choose. If dc has a friend at nursery, choose that dc party over random invitations where age groups differ and you don’t know the child.

When dc gets to school, some parents do parties inviting the whole class and others do smaller ones for a group of friends. You make decisions to attend based on number of invitations (most of us could not accommodate 15-20 class parties a year) and whether dc actually wants to go plus what else you need to do on that day. If you don’t make discerning decisions, you will be spending a lot of money and might never get your weekends for you!

Your gift was just right. No faux pas. I think for a closer friend - £15-20. For someone dc barely knows in the class - less. Many parents arrange a nice picnic and play for a few friends to keep costs down. You don’t need all bells and whistles parties for dc to enjoy themselves. I used to do agility races, a treasure hunt and pass the parcel! Dc seemed happy! Other parents arranged a meal out or indoor play if it’s a winter birthday. You will get the hang of it!

This is a good point actually. The younger they are, the more often it is a blanket invitation so you get about 20 a year! £10 is fine for that age I think.

But also this is why you really don't need to worry about taking a two year old to parties when you are heavily pregnant: they get loads once they are at school.

When they were really little they went to loads so our budget was nearer £10, now they are end of primary and only go to about 5 a year, so we're at £20.

£10 per child including gift bag and card is my limit. When they hit primary they get invited to so many parties you’d go broke otherwise plus I almost never even know the parents. They tend to invite the whole class so your DC probably don’t even speak to one another.

Hate the fact it’s normalised to stick around now too, I’ve started sending DH because I just don’t want to spend my weekend doing this! When I was a child parents definitely didn’t stick around.

Have confidence in yourself - give what you feel is appropriate, not what others deem appropriate.

My 5 year old received a real mix of presents; some clearly costing £15-20, so cash and a fair bit of clearly charity shop/ second hand gifts (stickers still on). My daughter opened them all, loved the fuss and plays with zero of the presents a few months on. Like, not a single one.

Don’t give a second thought, they’re only gifts.

Nope you're fine. For a random kids birthday I usually pick up something from the Works like an art kit or something, 3 for £12 and then you have two ready for other random parties. If it's a good friend of the child then they likely know what they like, lego or Barbies, so I'd get something in that realm.

Because I’ve got a kids party every weekend all year for my reception age daughter I’ve decided to only get toys on sale. The entertainer is quite good as they have 2 for £10 toys and a local toy shop usually always has a sale. I spend £6-£7 on each gift but original price would be between £10-15

Just ignore those sorts of comments op: a 2 year old does not NEED parties. There is plenty of time for that.

In short answer to your questions, I think about £15 would be a very safe amount for a gift. My dc have friends mainly at independent schools and around £20 is about average. £30 would be a best friend.

I never left mine at a party until they were at least about 5, and neither did the other parents. At about 5 you started to get a handful of mums say "Can we drop and run?" and by about 6 it was expected that parents wouldn't hang round unless asked to.

does your toddler have dad in his life? Obvious answer seems to be for dad to take him to parties to run around and tire him out while you put your feet up and eat celery and sour cream (I had GD too if sucks!)

You seem very aggrieved about something that was your own misunderstanding. I mean, the present value is irrelevant, but common sense would also have told that a birthday party for a five year old isn't going to be arranged to suit a one year old baby. I mean, it was an invitation (to the party in the distant community centre), not a summons. You just seem to getting terribly angry about stuff that isn't anyone's fault.

In my nursery parents gift the kids books, an item of clothings eg a t shirt or a small toy eg a truck or a dinosaur. We all live in flats so are consciously trying not to clog up peoples homes with clutter! I think your friend in question is rude and I wouldn’t give it any headspace. Even if it was a more expensive party and you were both fed you should still only gift what you can afford. But maybe in someone’s home id shave a few pounds off the child’s pressie to give some tulips or chocolates to mum as a thanks for hostessing. I haven’t been to many parties in homes though as we all live in tiny London flats!