For approaching alienated teen DS

that’s literally why I said ‘I know this thread is different’. I was responding to the people saying that completely ignoring your Mum/14 year old child is normal. It’s not.

No, it’s not just the age.

Its normal, my son doesn't like me saying hi to him in front of mates, hes 15, its just the age.

I agree with this. How disrespectful to not even acknowledge you in a polite and civil way, group of friends or not. We wouldn’t expect that from adults so why accept it from teens. Edited to add I have 14 (soon 15) year old and he and his friends know how to speak with other people outside of their immediate group whether us adults or their younger siblings. Sad for you OP.

So irresponsible to say based on nothing

This thread isn’t about your son though, it’s about OPs who doesn’t like her right now. And it’s incredibly common for teens to feel embarrassed if a parent approaches them in a shop with their friends and offers a few pounds for sweets. This didn’t happen purely because of the alienation, it happened because he’s 14 and was embarrassed.

That’s quite a few assumptions. The @SlinkyMalinkyy didn’t say that’s what happened.

What a load of rubbish. I don’t know what kind of 14 year old lads you know but my son and his pals would have the manners to acknowledge his own Mum in a shop. I know the situation here is different but please don’t suggest that there’s something inherently wrong with acknowledging your own child in a shop.

Even if he weren’t alienated I would not be surprised at his response. I well remember going with my 13 or 14 year old son to the mall to buy him some clothes. He wouldn’t walk with me (just too embarrassed about having a parent) and when I called out to him so that we could go into a shop together he told me off. ‘Mum! Don’t do that!’ He lived with us and had a good relationship with me at home and yet….

Playing the long game is good in this scenario, I think. But I know it's fucking hard. I really hope things will get better for you soon.

That was a heartbreaking reading Op. your ds was very rude. I have teen dc and they’d never ignore me in front of theirvfriends and always come over for a chat if they see me out and about. Albeit we are not alienated. @MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack has the best advice and I hope in time this will be you and your son.

Please tell.me you didn't really offer money for "sweets" to a 14yo?
Even though they're happy to eat sweets that sound very infant school.

Another time, walk past, let him see you and a quick "lovely to see you," then back off, bit where he can see you ( not watching him) so he can approach if he wants to. If he reacts well to saying hello, you could add " let me know if you want anything", but don't push it in front of friends.

It would have been far worse if you'd ignored him.

You did the best you could at that time and I hope things work out for you.

All I can say is that is incredibly rude, I find it strange that posters find it normal teen behaviour…wow. Never even as a teen would I speak to my parent like that.

strange society, however I feel for you op. As painful as it is, it’s best to let him come to you. I guess it’s like a relationship the more you push the more he will back away. Keep busy, fill your life, if you’re religious, I recommend finding a church family, people that can pray with you and support you. I’m sorry you are going through this.

I'm so sorry, OP. It was understandable that you approached your son, and it would have been weird not to acknowledge him in any way.

It was also understandable that your son reacted as he did. Please try not to take it personally. It's pretty common for teenagers to be embarrassed by their parents. He was probably caught off guard and didn't know how to react.

Parental alienation is awful. My friend barely saw her younger dc for a few years because the child's dad pressured the dc into saying that she didn't want to see her mum. She tried to keep contact going as much as she could but only saw her dd for a couple of hours each week. She didn't push it as she didn't want to pile on any pressure, but she made it clear that her door would always be open. Then, out of the blue, about 3 years years ago, the dc contacted her and asked if she could move in with her mum. And has been living there ever since. It has taken some time for them to properly get to know each other again, but they are closer now than my friend ever thought would be possible. So things can and do change sometimes.

You're not an idiot, I don't think you've done anything wrong. This is so sad though I hope your situation improves and he comes back to you as he grows up a bit more.

Heartless!

Oh poor you, that’s awfully humiliating and upsetting for you but that’s teenagers. Honestly, don’t overthink it. Every parent would have gone to say hello to their child, every teenager would have reacted like your DS, and every parent would have left kicking themselves for going over in the first place.

You’ve done nothing wrong. Your DS will just laugh with his mates that parents are soooo embarrassing and that’ll be it.

How do you know the back story?

Op you did nothing wrong

Your husband is disgusting for turning your son against you and is infact causing the child much distress by making him detach from his mother