Will we ever get our house back

Is she actually looking for another place? Perhaps she finds it difficult. maybe you could dedicate a weekend to it booking loads of visits make a flip chart ask her what she’s looking for.

Why didn’t you do this waaaay before she moved in? What was your end date to have your kids sleeping routines and rooms disrupted?
it’s common knowledge that houses take months at the very bare minimum to buy, and you first need to buy the house which takes a while.
Why wouldn’t you have this discussion before she moved in with all her stuff.

She needs to rent.

As someone who also had to live with parents again age 38....my sympathies.

My mum and dad are perfect, on paper. They cook, they clean, they mind the kids. But fuck me they were ALWAYS there. Didn't have a second to myself with the kids, ever. Constantly questioning every single fucking thing I did - "is it not too early for dinner" "should he not wear the blue trousers" "don't change his diaper now". I was snapping at my mum constantly. It was awful. And my parents' take on it? That I'm burnt out and stressed and cannot handle parenting and they need to hang around longer. FML.

Never again.

Exactly the same! As I said, the friend's mum was difficult, picked up fights and drove my friend demented, because her dh did not speak Greek, so it was all on her. I never said having relatives around was easy, did I? This is not the point.

I know, right? Like stupidly, the other day, I equated a child crying and kicking and not wanting to go to a nursery with her not wanting to go to a nursery! Stupid me!

My dh, dc are in student accommodation. Parents all dead on both sides, but what I am saying is that had it been either of my parents widowed, I doubt my dh would have been as much of a human being as my friend's husband, that is all I am saying.

The thing is, why on earth isn’t she embarrassed to have her grandchildren share a room and to have her son and family have to live with all her stuff lying around?

Good luck with your chat tonight OP, but in that, do raise the idea that if MIL can’t find anything she wants to buy, could she rent for 6 months until the market improves?

It sounds like she wasn’t really looking for somewhere for the last year and this was the plan all along.

Good luck OP, this would be my worst nightmare. I wouldn’t even have my own mother living with me.

She didn’t find anywhere she likes in 12 months of looking? I find that very hard to believe, especially as she’s downsizing. Either she has unrealistic options of what’s available and unrealistic criteria, which have reduced the available properties to zero - in which case she needs your DH’s help to find somewhere suitable - or, she never really planned to move and has unilaterally decided to move in with your permanently.

I’d give the children their bedrooms back and put MIL on a fold up bed in the lounge because that makes it clear the situation is temporary. I’d also talk to her and suggest she rents while she’s looking. I’d also arrange viewings of suitable properties in case she’s ruling things out without looking when they’d actually suit her nicely.

She’s sold her property, and I assume at her age she’s now a cash buyer, and therefore in a strong position to secure a property and move swiftly. Housing stock in majority areas is high as most people are stalling with the current economic uncertainty. I would definitely be talking to your partner about putting say a 2 or 3 month deadline to find a property, as then you’ll need to add the conveyancing period in on top. Make sure she’s registered with all the agents in the area she’s looking at, not just relying on Rightmove, plus get a solicitor lined up (not an online one, as although they’re cheaper, they’re incredibly slow). An annex will require architectural drawings, structural engineer, planning (minimum 10 weeks) and build - 4-6 months and a whole raft of uncertainty, cost (£50k - £100k depending on spec) and stress. If she hasn’t found a property in 3 months I would be suggesting that she needs to rent/lodge somewhere. You’re not unreasonable to set a limit and she should not be unreasonable about that either.

May be better coming from dh than you

but if you have spare downstairs room why did it she go in it before making kids share

Good luck. I would truly suggest you and DH have a chat between you first for you as a couple to get on the same page. Then involve the MiL. If you do it the 3 of you DH may get defensive and they end up ganging up on you…. Remember YANBU at all here.

We're 6 months in from having our offer accepted on our house. She hasn't found a place in the past year. She isn't gonna find one any time soon. You've got this for a year minimum I'd expect.

Yikes - you need to get H to sort this, it’s impacting on all your family.
At the moment she has no incentive to move.
She’d be better renting - I bet she’d find somewhere to buy super quick then.

You are totally within your rights to discuss with hubby and be firm on needing a move out idea. My own father lived with us for a period of time whilst starting a new job and getting sorted with a home. He was with us 8 months and paid rent and regularly bought us a meal but it was still dreadful and a massive source of stress between hubby and me. I love my dad but it was so suffocating having him live with me that our own relationship suffered, we are back on good terms now he is out of my house!

Good luck. I hope she understands.

She has moved in by stealth.

You may as well buy a bigger house and be done with it. That was the plan all along. You just weren't in on it.

Why did you agree to it in the first place? I wouldn’t even do that for my own mum. Couldn’t stand to have someone else living in my house. I wouldn’t even give a 6 week deadline and say that she has to find somewhere to rent by then.

I’m not sure moving her into her own bedroom and putting her stuff into storage signals ‘temporary’. More the opposite, I’d be careful with that.

She has offered to pay for food and contribute to household bills but she is family so I wouldn't ever take it from her

Now that's just plain daft, she's a grown adult and family or not it's not your responsibility to buy her food.