To think some older women having tax payers funded ivf are hypocrites?

I’m an older parent via (privately funded) IVF and know more people than average who also had IVF. In my experience people who’ve struggled with fertility are usually much more positive about having children younger because they/ we know that most people don’t know they have fertility issues until they try to get pregnant and the earlier you start trying the longer you have to get any support and treatment you need (and usually the better your chances of actually having a child are). Obviously the people I know may not be representative of the general IVF-having population. I also know a few people for whom IVF wasn’t possible or didn’t work and I’d say if they had the choice most of them would have preferred to be a parent in their teens than to be childless not by choice.

So overall in both groups they may end up sticking with the man, they might not? What a revelation.

The 38 year old is more likely the woman who would rather be happy alone than deal with ALL the shit from a poor partner. And then did meet someone worth doing it with.

The 25 year old might have lucked out (met my DH when I was 21 actually and I'm incredibly lucky there), or they might be like one of my friends who was so desperate for the "perfect" family she jumped at the first man who showed any interest in marrying her when she was, weirdly, 25, and now complains constantly that he does nothing to help with the family.

I had no idea about this. From what I have read there is an age limit on NHS funded IVF and how many 'goes' depends on what area you live in.

I do know a couple who went abroad to have further IVF after a few failures here but they paid for a lot of it, here and abroad. It was sad, smacked of desperation, when their life was pretty good by most standards.

No one is saying that who actually said that? “Peak of beauty “ indeed . How is that even relevant?? Your ageism is absolutely shocking . You obviously met a decent guy who wanted kids young. Not everyone does . You cannot seem to grasp any situation that is different from your own.

I dunno I imagine they love their kids and wouldn’t be without them. Half of couples split, it’s not a niche hardship any more.

And had she just said that, I'd have been much happier to go along with that.

But to try to do so by pitching them against older women who have worked hard paying taxes and waited till they have a secure set-up to bring a child into was a bit of a dud move...

Also I find it funny that apparently a 25 year old, at their peak of beauty and with a big dating pool, allegedly ‘jumped at the first man who would have kids with her’ but a 38 year old in the last chance saloon and with fewer options magically happened upon the love of their life?

This entire thread is a crock of shit as it creates these mad binaries where life is much more grey and you will find many examples within the group you refer to. I know many women who settled for a useless man child as they felt their clock was running out. I also know younger women whose men are just useless!

Which means you had a family with the right person and she didn't.

The point is that people are saying "you shouldn't wait til you find the right person to do this with, just do it at the right time instead".

How's that working out for the people who panicked instead of being sure?

You only get around 2 cycles of IVF on the NHS. You also aren’t allowed it if you are over a certain age or BMI. They don’t just let anyone do it

It's bizarre. These two women are well-educated, but seem baffled that their bodies have changed as they've got older. One of them actually insisted her new partner must have a low sperm count, because "I can't be infertile, I have a ten-year-old and an eight-year-old."

Is this "substantial group of people.. calling teen mums a waste of their tax money ..but who expect the tax payers to foot the bill for their multiple ivf cycles" in the room with you now OP?

Yes but the point is you had met your life partner that young. Not everyone has . And not everyone should just jump and get pregnant by some absolute loser just cos the biological clock is ticking if they want kids . Which some people here seem to be alluding to .

Fair play op
I'm impressed how you've managed to keep stirring and get this to almost twenty pages
That bingo card must be nearly full by now though
Surely

I couldn't agree more. IVF may be the answer for some people, but providing it via the NHS is a clear example of 'mission creep'. The NHS is not there to solve anything that might make a person dissatisfied with her life.

Rubbish. DD was born when I was 26, 10 years later her father and I are very happy together (and still have DS). My friend had her daughter at 35 after a 10 year relationship and they had split a year later. The 40 something first time mums are: single using sperm donor, married albeit unhappily, and cohabiting happily. So a mix.

We have more options now. There's been advancements in medicine and science that means we don't have to either choose between motherhood or building a life for ourselves. We can do both. If we want.

I think people who didn't have those options are mad that people can now make choices.

Christ, it’s not a luxury lifestyle choice to want one kid. Most Women at that age who have successful pregnancies via ivf have usually privately funded because nhs provision is so dire.

It’s all just baseless argument. You could argue that I should have started trying at 22 instead of 32 before I lost a tube, and then I wouldn’t have needed ivf, but how can you know?

My bad luck with a health condition is someone else’s bad luck at not finding the right partner until they’re older, by your argument we’re all just baby making machines who should procreate with whatever sperm is available before we’re 30.

The nhs is not in financial difficulty because of ivf funding.

If you mean the bitter posts are from people justifying in their own mind why they are now co-parenting with entirely unsuitable fathers, I agree with you.

I struggle to see the benefit to the child in that.

I disagree these women you speak of must be living under a rock . I’m nearly in my 40s but even in my late teens was already aware there is a limit on when women can get pregnant . It gets drummed into you from a very young age .

as a mum myself, I agree. Bloody kids bankrupt you 😂

So the gist of this thread is we all cost a fortune regardless of age/class/health status and shouldn’t have kids 😆 sounds about right

Yes but decline and an exhausted supply are two entirely different things.

Most areas will only fund one ivf cycle plus they will also have an age cut off of 40 so I very much doubt there are any 'older' women having multiple nhs funded ivf cycles .Hope this clarifies things for you

I think some of the bitter posts are from people who did exactly what you have described and regretted it to be honest.