My husband and I had words over the possibility of a solo trip (it was just an idea) yesterday and I think he may be the unreasonable party but I thought I’d ask in case I am genuinely missing something important here.
For context, married 4 years, no kids. Basically I brought up the idea of a city break I’d like to go on. We normally travel together with the exception of when I go on weekend trips with a friend or family or for work (which so far has only involved flying to a neighbouring country where I have family).
When I first mentioned it yesterday he essentially said “off with you” but his reaction later makes me think that this earlier comment was said because he thought I was joking. DH has no holidays left to take this year, I can WFH. I was considering doing a 3-4 night stay in this city and doing all of the things that I wouldn’t like to bore him with when we travel together eg taking myself off for a facial, some activities (think craft type things, etc). Great, I thought. I can WFH from the hotel and afterwards check out the landmarks, some shopping, etc. it would be my first solo trip in the sense that it would be the first time I’ve travelled alone purely for leisure for that amount of time, but I was looking forward to it and thought it would actually be good for my personal development.
Spoke about it again last night as I told DH about things that I don’t think he’d particularly enjoy doing that I was looking at doing in the city, and he said yeah but you’d need someone to watch your back there. I said I’m sure it would be fine, it’s a relatively safe city by any standard. He said “I’m not restricting you, you just can’t go on your own. Why don’t you wait til next year and see if (name of friend) can go with you. I said it’s not really the point, my friend might not want to go and I was particularly enjoying the prospect of going by myself. I
said I don’t see what it’s really got to do with you (perhaps this was wrong in hindsight). He said we’re married, we do everything together, to which I said that plenty of married people solo travel and he said “I don’t care, I don’t have to worry about them”. I said well ultimately it’s my choice and I have autonomy over my own actions.
He said that if I ignore his feelings then he’ll remember this for again and that we’ll have a big problem when I get back and that’s all he’s going to say, and that it’s not a threat. I replied by saying it does sound like a bit of a threat really. He said he didn’t want to hear anything else from me for the rest of the night, which also felt a bit patronising and like I was being chastised.
I should also mention that at some point in the conversation he asked why I needed to go away so often and I already go away 3-4 times a year with him and what’s the rush and do I want to just take a year out and travel or something and if that’s the case go off and do it (although I don’t see how that would be fine by him but a 3-4 city break isn’t, but anyway). I said that no, I don’t want to take a year out to go travelling and I’m perfectly happy with my life the way it is, but he said the signs are there that I want to be away all the time. I do like to go away, but it’s not to escape anything as such, I really do just like to see new places and thought it would be a good opportunity. I mean, I don’t question why he goes to the gym 3-4 times per week. I don’t feel like it’s any of my business. But I think I should be allowed to explore my hobbies as well.
Sorry this was so long! But does anyone have any experience of this? Did you go anyway? Did you decide against it?