Insensitive medical staff

i'm having the same experience as some other posters - they don't look at your notes on the screen anymore.

I understand they're overwhelmed but I really struggled when my mum broke her wrist and the specialist said "what do you want to do about it?" I did wonder if he was having some kind of breakdown right in front of us. I had to gently extract the information from him about where we had to go to get it set and a cast and everything. Mum had fallen down after a suspected stroke, that's what caused the break, so it was kind of like managing her and him at the same time!

Please do write a complaint
He should have acknowledged all you been thru presumably it was in front of him on his screen?

Oh, and these effing doctors also tell you not to lose too much weight during cancer treatment! The mind boggles!

As my late father said, sensible thing to do all this time would be to eat whatever you bloody well like!

@EmeraldRoulette

Why Excess Weight Increases Risk
Extra body fat is not just inactive weight; it is biologically active and actively drives cancer development through three main mechanisms: src="https://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/qDVF5yc0U-0" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen> 1, 2]
Hormones: Fat tissue produces excess oestrogen, which can drive the growth of breast and womb cancers.
Insulin: Obesity often leads to higher levels of insulin and insulin-like growth factors, which can encourage cancer cells to divide and grow.
Inflammation: Excess fat causes chronic, low-level inflammation in the body. Over time, immune cells that rush to areas of chronic inflammation can create an environment that damages DNA and promotes tumor growth. src="https://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/By3FxLam2Yw?start=2" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen> 1, ]

I sympathise wholeheartedly with OP, I've been there too and I know how hard it is, but the fact remains that excess weight impacts recurrence and recovery. Pretending it doesn't won't help anyone.

@Meadowfinch "He's an oncologist, he deals in facts and probabilities, not nice fluffy feelings.."

I always want my medical professionals to deal in facts and probabilities and not nice fluffy feelings.

In this case, from what the OP has said, the facts are that she's taking steroids and her cancer has spread.

To me, there isn't a way that weight enters into the discussion.

Similarly in my case, the drugs were making me gain weight but keeping me alive.

I cannot see why weight is a factor in that discussion. Maybe after recovery? Is recovery a probability for the patient in question? I'm amazed I'm still here. Some days I'm not thrilled about it frankly.

Please tell me, using facts and no fluffy feelings, why you think weight management enters into the discussion at that point?

And please also tell me how you think his general comments about postmenopausal women would have helped the OP using facts and not fluffy feelings?

that's if you have the time, of course. I'm not well today so I'm wasting far too much time on here.

He's an oncologist, he deals in facts and probabilities, not nice fluffy feelings..

I've been there too in 2022. My oncologist (female) was the same. She put it bluntly - that my long term recover would be heavily influenced by my ability to eat a healthy diet (30 fruit & veg a week, zero alcohol etc) and my ability to lose weight & do vigorous exercise at least three times a week.

I'm 5'8" and was a size 12. My BMI was 24. I was reasonably fit but she made it clear I could do more. The blunt message got through, four years later my BMI is 23 and I run 10ks. I'm clear so far.

I think you have to take it as his very medic-like way of trying to help you. I know it can be tough xx

That is totally unacceptable , and I would suggest putting in an official complaint with PALS . No one in a professional medical capacity should be phrasing concerns about a persons weight on their health using words like fat and making it about them

I have no filter when it comes to shit like this and tend towards blunt honesty so would have said something along the lines of “Are you done? You know that my health conditions have contributed towards my weight, you know that I’m in pain, have been through a lot and find coming to see medical staff like you, difficult and scary. You know that your job is to help me, to reassure me, to provide expert medical guidance in a compassionate and understandable way. What you apparently didn’t realise is that you’re failing. You’ve made me feel awful, you’ve not given me any useful advise and you’ve made coming to see you in the future more difficult and more scary.”

Sorry your GP today was an arsehole!

I have many memories of NHS staff and their patronising attitudes and talking as though I am stupid. While I don't wish that on anyone else it is a little relieving to know that it happens often to others. I've met a few dentists too who I've wanted to slap.

I think my latest is a couple of years ago when I needed to see the practice nurse at my GP surgery. I had a fairly regular few moments in her room while she did what was needed but always noticed her sour face and grumpy demeanor. Basically she was a miserable mare. My last visit - I knocked and heard "come in" and I was met with a big smile and cheery voice from the same nurse. I commented that she looked happy and she proceeded to tell me about the new man in her life after her divorce.

I accept that every customer facing professional can be having a shitty personal life but they shouldn't be taking it out on the (in her case) patients which she obviously had been previously.

@Ragnarok26 i'm interested in what you say about the latest game

I do believe that some of these people play games and we are unwitting victims

I mean, actually, consciously play games, I'm not talking about the power games.

Another one saying complain if you have the strength, OP. And cannot believe 4% of the votes say YABU! 😕

I’m so sorry OP, that was disgusting behaviour from the doctor. I’d name and shame if I were you. Put a post up on social media, worded similarly to your post here. It might encourage other people to share similar experiences with the same doctor and could result in any complaints against him being taken seriously and him being forced to change his shitty attitude. I’d also write a letter of complaint to the hospital

Makes my blood boil. I pulled a GP up for addressing me as "love" not long ago. He tried to talk his way out of it by saying it was a local pleasantry (I'm local & don't use it, he wasn't local). I've absolutely zero tolerance these days for disrespect & casual sexism from men in positions of power.

That's disgraceful. Do put in a complaint.

This is outrageous! Losing weight when you're on steroid treatment. How not only insensitive but also lacking medical understanding.

You need to complain. This is unacceptable by any form of clinical standards. Maybe had a bad day that day but he needs to recognise the impact of his words.

I'm so sorry OP that is disgraceful! Utterly unacceptable. Do complain if you're up to it, but it's a lot when you have serious health problems I know. You're a trooper. I am in awe of you getting through all that and still battling with cancer. You inspire me!! Fuck him. He's a man. Overall he has steady hormone levels month in, month out, he will never experience menopause, and he's not on steroids which wreck havoc with your cortisol levels, which in turn affects your other hormones including insulin receptivity, which in turn affects your weight. That's before we get anywhere near your immune system being weaker after chemo. How the hell do these people not stop and think about these basic things before they start castigating patients?

Misogyny is absolutely rife in the NHS and it's so pervasive many female doctors have to squeeze into the same mould just to get through training, so unfortunately you don't always get better care from them either. I feel they could be doing more to address the issue from within though as it's something that comes up repeatedly and it's just not good enough.

I once left a consultation in tears after an appointment with a frankly scary doctor who asked me how many sexual partners I had and what my martial status was during a - wait for it - GASTROENTEROLOGY appointment. When I pushed back and asked what these questions had to do with why I had been referred, he raised his voice and gave me a diatribe about unmarried women in their twenties being attention seekers because they suffer with 'profound anxiety' because they do not have kids and I was clearly there to waste his time and this was proved by my 'aggressive' response to his questions..questions about my sex life! Then clearly aware that he overstepped the boundaries, he went on to tell me that he was the lead consult not only for the hospital I was in, but requested as advisory consult and surgeon for every other hospital in the area. I honestly couldn't believe what the appointment had turned into. I bloody well should have reported him right away, but was young at the time, and was in shock because I hadn't expected anything like that! It was like a comedy sketch it was so blatantly sexist. I had a follow up procedure two weeks later and there were two nurses in the room this time and his behaviour switched 360° to a full charm and ultra professional offensive. I just remember holding onto the nurses' hand and directing all my conversation to her and she kept telling me to relax, thinking I was just anxious about the procedure. When in fact it was him I was afraid of and I requested she stay near me in the side room afterwards.

There have been other misogynistic encounters. Even talking about menopause with the GP is seemingly a chore. It's systemic in my view. Is it getting better? I wouldn't say so. My personal view is women need separate services and there ought to be 'well women' centres. Of course it's unfeasible but that's what's needed in my view. Too many women are vulnerable and underserved in the current system.

My advice OP is if you can, have someone with you in appointments for support and advocacy on your behalf. Preferably a man. The difference is startling and sobering in equal measure.

I wish you strength and don't let this get you down. It's a very much shared experience, unfortunately. You're remarkable.

Wishing you well💐

Ignore him OP. He probably couldn't get through menopause or , heaven forfend , deal with periods every month for years, he's a knob. I hope your health improves.

Definitely report to PALS; my partner (ex cardiac nurse with multiple conditions) has just had a similar experience with a doctor at one of the medium sized hospitals in the north west of England. Medical misogyny seems to be the latest game lots of consultants and their registrars love playing - and it isn't only the men in some cases.

Some of them should frankly be locked up in a pathology lab and never allowed out. I'm also mystified by how many of them never seem to read the patient notes before they dispense their wisdom.

Luckily SOME of the newer female residents - and a handful of the guys - are starting to wake up now.

You are amazing, though; look at what you've been through and yet you're still standing.

Please put a complaint in if you feel up to it - That kind of behaviour is absolutely disgusting 😕 I’ll 100 vouch for the fact that he wouldn’t have spoken to a man that way

you’ve been through so so much .. you are incredible and he is just a fucktrumpet .

I hope you have lots of support at home x Are you having therapy for the PTSD?

I finished targeted therapy last summer and I’ve had a flat closure mastectomy , chemo and herceptin, I’ve developed an auto immune disorder and piled weight on .. I’ve been lucky no one has dared say anything about my weight although it’s on my notes “ talk to patient about weight management” but I don’t think they date as the menopause treatment plunged me into also means prodding me with weight related comments is not a sensible thing to do 🤣
I am having counselling now as I’m genuinely terrified of anything medical now .. even routine blood tests at the GPs are stressful

I guarantee he would never speak to a male patient like this.

What an absolute cunt. Report this in writing to the Trust’s PALs and the CQC.

I’m so sorry you had to experience that. I send solidarity, as I have recently been diagnosed with an incurable chronic illness and have suffered lots of traumatic medical gaslighting. Women’s healthcare and the complete lack of empathy we receive is atrocious.

You are amazing OP.

When you feel up to it put a complaint into PALS.

I had horrible treatment from a Consultant once, so much so I snapped back and actually said to him who the fuck did he think he was talking to. It was like a wake up call to him, and his whole manner changed. I complained to PALS, who were fantastic.

That's truly awful. Luckily those old school chauvinists seem to be mostly retired now. I've a similar history to you with cancer treatment on repeat from 1998 to now and have to say that most medical people have been engaged, respectful and informative . Wishing you better luck..and maybe a quick chat to the PALS office to lodge your complaint

That's dreadful @Wtafdidido I would definitely complain if you have the energy for it.💐

What hurtful comments from someone who should know better.
I wish nothing bad on anyone, but

Absolute disgrace