AIBU to be content with a traditional division of labour?

The fact you can’t see how deeply depressing it is that your children (allegedly) said this is deeply depressing in itself. Who needs the manosphere when women are promoting its messages all by themselves.

Surely you employ a cleaner or you could if you wanted to if he earns that much. If you have the qualifications you could have a career. And given your children are school age, you are the one not doing much rather than your husband.

this post was edited to remove "Here's your reply" at the top and quote marks around it. OP is using AI which doesn't particularly help ward off the trad wife propaganda allegations.

It's not that couples find that this way works for them. It's that patriarchy still continues to reward men with the higher pay and status whilst keeping women financially vulnerable but believing that they get stability in return.

And it's clearly working by keeping you in your place but making you believe that it was a choice you made. Patriarchy in action.

They are never “the type” until they are.
Either way, it wouldn’t work for me, I value my independence too much and I LOATHE all things domestic. Except cooking, I like that.
I would be utterly miserable if my entire life was looking after the home and children.
But, so what? You prefer different things to me, neither of us is “better, or “right” we are just different? You are doing what works for you op. Keep doing that!
My only caveat to that, from what you’ve posted, would be to also teach your daughter that she can choose too. If she wants a life looking after family and home, fine. But she does have other options too.

Personally I think this is a horrendous dynamic that’s unfeminist and upholds the oppression of women but I don’t have to live your life, so you do you

If it's a practical arrangement that works for you, then go for it.
But yes, you have internalised the patriarchy, you are letting him get away with murder, and you are providing unhelpful role models for your children.

Responses asking if she's real/ a woman/ not an incel or bot?

Her situation is not so completely out of the ordinary that that sort of response is warranted.

I think that you're missing the point slightly about the finances. Everything would be in the pot if you divorced, so having savings in your name is neither here nor there really. But these days you'd probably be expected to get a job if you needed more money to support yourself. Spousal support is unusual now, even if you give up a good career to be a SAHM. And with no career to fall back on then you'd struggle to get much more than minimum wage.

My husband earns similar to yours and I earn a good salary in a professional, responsible job, but nowhere close to him. I choose to continue to work a) because what if (divorce, redundancy etc) and b) I have seen it so many times where the man with the big job loses respect for his wife doing the drudgery at home. I enjoy my job and it gives me self respect to contribute to our finances and I think my husband continues to see me as an equal.

It’s just that it’s so common for them to lose respect for you and run off with a younger colleague just when you’re starting to look forward to retirement. It’s a cliché for a reason.

I agree with this.

Don't let other people make you second guess yourself, OP. You have chosen your own fulfilling path and you and your husband are both happy with the arrangement.

If you say so dear.

Your sister sounds jealous. I'd ignore.

Why post asking if you are being unreasonable if you're not prepared to get these kind of responses, it makes people think the poster has a point.
If there was no doubt about your contentment there would be no post, no?

is that what you want for your daughter?

What's making me yikes is your phrase about 'what come naturally' to your son and daughter, and that your keep coming back to asking 'oh maybe we are just traditional?'

I'm just wondering if there is something your sister is seeing that you're not conveying. No one would reasonably expect him to be scrubbing the toilet but they would reasonably expect to have a cleaner to do so.
You seem very invested in your role, 'feeling needed', and perhaps even a reluctance to relinquish any control? Perhaps your sister does feel you diminish your own contribution, or even that you are buying into a more misogynistic mentality (evidenced by your throwaway comment about your children).

It's not that it comes naturally to you children. It's that they see their father in one role and their mother in another. That's learned behaviour, not innate.

Why is he seen as the hotshot and you're not ? That's the issue. Society places a higher value on his work rather than yours. If you want to uphold that notion, fair enough but I've known too many corporate lawyers to believe in the value they place upon themselves. I've known too many families paying the price for a man's ego.

If my dh had 2 days off and i was ft, I'd expect him to do most of the housework/admin. So, yes I think it's reasonable you should do most.

He works incredibly hard ? Are you sure ? There is a distinction between being out of the house long hours and working hard.

Speaking as a former City lawyer, I'm confident he will be working his arse off.