AIBU to be content with a traditional division of labour?

Why was his wage and your lifestyle relevant? If he was earning national minimum wage would you think it differently? Each to their own. You crack on with what makes you happy!

With respect, its very easy to be happy with a traditional marriage when your husband fully fulfils the role of being the complete provider and would respect and support you regardless.

Far less satisfactory to be coupled up with Mr Minimim Wage who wants his common law wife to work, raise kids and run the home while he refuses to loft a finger because "he works" or marry her because he's worried she will take him for everything he's (not) got.

unpaod division of labour - you think he’s better paid , or maybe he is but what’s that built on , probably your unpaid support

It's not very good trad wife propaganda if it's premised on the husband earning £600k!

Everyone is different, if you are happy being pretty much a trad wife then that is fine. Your life should be the way that makes you happy not the way other people think.

I would imagine there are a lot of women out there that will envy your ability to have your life how it is.

do what makes you happy, be who you want to be, life is way too short for anything else.

Your husband is clearly a great provider and it sounds like he enables you to give you and your children lots of opportunities. You’re happy working 3 days a week and taking on most of the admin, food shopping and cooking, cleaning, etc. which is basically another full time job in itself.

You do seem emphasise quite a lot how much your husband earns and your focus seem to be mainly on finances— and if that works for your family and everyone feels fulfilled, then that’s what matters most.

For me though, that set up wouldn’t work. My husband earns well (fraction of your family income but we live comfortably). However after our son was born he chose to work 4 days a week so he could focus more on the family - he engages in daily playtime, bedtime routine, weekend activities and is very emotionally present. I work 2.5 days a week, but we still share a lot of the household tasks. He cooks, does most of the admin, grocery shooping - we divide things fairly.

That balance gives me time for my hobbies, socialising and keeping up with my exercise routine. I really appreciate that we both have a good work life balance.I think I would struggle in your situation

A job that involves disseminating trad wife propaganda through the medium of AI.

I would have no issue with that set up. During Covid I was out of work. I took on the house and kids as a job. Husband was still working full time. I did literally everything. Loved it. Your life actually sounds idyllic to me tbh.

Are people missing that OP has a job?

No it isn't.

There’s nothing massively ‘traditional’ about your set up, if you are real and not tradwife propaganda. You are in a financial position enjoyed by fewer than 1% of the population. My grandmothers who raised 17 children between them in poverty in the mid 20th century would struggle to relate to your lifestyle.

I honestly don’t GAF about how people organise paid and unpaid work in their homes as long as they have roughly equal leisure time. The ones that rile me are the ones when dad is off playing golf/at the gym/down the pub in his free time when the OP is left literally holding the baby and has to beg for time off.

Just make sure he's putting pension away in your name.

This, this was my main take away here!

My DH earns £250k and we need my £150k on top for our 5 bed in a nice part of the home counties, and a decent lifestyle for us + 2 kids (hobbies, 2 holidays a year, but we don't drive fancy cars).

God knows how hes paying for 3 lots of Surrey school fees!

It wouldn’t be for me, but that’s because in grew up in a family like this, and I don’t think it did me many favours.

I definitely grew up understanding that men were simply more important than women. I always believed I could only work until I had kids (until an embarrassingly late age!) and I still resent that my dad prioritised his career over me. It didn’t send me helpful messages about my value.

Your role is as important as his and if this arrangement suits you both all is good.

Are you using AI to compose your replies, OP?

But putting that aside, if I'm happy with the way things are going in my life, I don't much care what other people think about it. There will always be people who don't understand or don't approve of something in your lifestyle, so why waste time worrying about outside opinions? If you don't see a problem with it, then do what works for you and ignore everyone else.

Nothing to add.
But 400K bonus!! Thud.
I am also focussed on my career and earning money.

This arrangement worked very well for us for seven or eight years. It was a huge struggle financially but it was the way we wanted to live and Ive never had any regrets.

Feminism is not about women having a choice. It's about women having rights and freedoms. And there is no choice when men aren't facing the same outcomes and consequences.

And any woman who limits her female child by expectation and example is not a woman demonstrating any form of equality or liberation. And he's not a great father if he does the same.

Stealth boast post with AI responses rolled into one!

Regardless, if you’re that happy with you’re life then why are you posting on here for affirmation and shooting down opinions when you’ve come on a forum asking for them.

It’s fine to be happy with that lifestyle if that’s your choice. But you need to teach your daughter that she has a choice too and that she doesn’t have to end up like you. Likewise please teach your sons that running a house isn’t just a job for women…

If it works for you and you're all happy I don't see what the issue is. He is providing for his family and taking care of you all in a different way to what you're doing.

It sounds like you and your children have a great relationship with your husband and that the time spent together is meaningful which is more than some families who don't have the amount of hours at work that your husband does.

If it works for you it's fine. Feminism is about having a choice, not dictating what women do with those choices.

Do grandparents help with school fees, or is there another source that goes towards those? For 3 children, I can't see how you do that and live a life where you are not worrying about finances.

Well, surely it’s hardly unlikely you’re bringing your children up with some warped ideas about what men and women do, if they don’t have good role models at home and think mummies bustle around cooking and fathers are totally disengaged? At least make sure they’re around women with careers and men who are hands on parents.

Feminism is about women having a choice in how to live their lives. If you are happy with your life, if you have time and resources to do things you enjoy outside of your family and home, and if your husband supports you emotionally and respects your opinions and needs, then how you choose to live is no one else’s concern. My only worry would be your financial independence if the worst happened and you split up. As long as you have made provision for this, then go on and enjoy what sounds like a lovely life.