AIBU to be content with a traditional division of labour?

Feminism is about liberation from patriarchy. The OP ain’t liberated.

It is about gender equality.

Regressive gender stereotypes and outsourced thinking. No, this isn’t in any way something I aspire to OP.

Guys did you know he went to Lake Como for a business trip?!! I think OP is living out a little fantasy here because no matter how many work trips I go on to nice locations I’ve never humble bragged them a fifth as hard as this poster.

It can work the other way too. I saw my mum doing everything at home and thought fuck that. I work full time and am a high earner (not as much as the tanned, Lake Como frequenting, super duper corporate lawyer of course) who does minimal housework.

I think this is a brilliant set-up and as it works for you that is great, as long as you are married and so (in the U.K.) financially protected in case of breakup. I say that as a senior corporate executive with a husband who works full time and two children. It is not easy, or ideal for children when both work full time and I desperately wish I’d been able to find a part time job that didn’t put us in a difficult financial situation.

I think the trouble comes when the woman is an equally high-earning executive and enjoys her job then is expected to step back but isn’t happy about it.

Obviously everyone should get to set up life as they like but your comments about your son and daughter made me pause. I really, really hope that you ensure all your children are prepared to care for a home ‘and’ have a career as it’s incredibly unlikely they’ll both find themselves in the traditional relationship you enjoy. Your daughter might need or want to be financially self sufficient and your son is likely to have a partner who anticipates a fully trained adult who can cook and do laundry. So if your daughter is following you around with the hoover, your son should be too.

My husband’s parents were and are massively traditional - his dad has never cooked a meal and was very proud to change his first nappy when my son was a baby. Somehow never got to it for either of his children or my daughter who is older. He is waited on hand and foot by my mother in law. However, she didn’t raise her children like that. My husband was by her side cooking meals from when he was young and as we have a more typical marriage for this era, he does 99% of the cooking for our family (I hate cooking! But I do all the laundry). So it’s fine that you’re content (though do everything everyone is mentioning to protect yourself financially. Not just because of divorce but ill health or worse can come for anyone at any time), but you need to ensure you don’t assume your children will follow your pattern.

I’m all for people running their homes and families as they see fit. The roles are reversed in our house, I earn the big salary (investment banking), work the long, stressful hours and travel. DH works full time as well but more ‘normal’ hours and picks up most of the slack at home. It works for us. I encourage DD to be ambitious for her own career though rather than potter about with the hoover.

😂😂😂

Then I guess you’re a very lucky woman.

I would hate your situation because I loathe domestic chores. I haven't ever been interested in supporting someone else's career because I have my own. But I think part of that comes from having an extremely clever mum, aunty and grandma who kind of ended up in traditional roles which didn't necessarily do them any favours.

I got distracted from the main question by the fact that you mentioned Lake Como in FOUR separate posts OP 😂 Don’t worry, I think we all noticed!

I will give the response you seem to be looking for: ‘Oooh, Lake Como! That’s great! I wish I had a job that involved going to Lake Como 😀’

This isn’t my experience at all. My DH does so much in the house, probably more than I do.

I have been around the private school system for almost 15 years now and I know loads of families with your set up. It’s not that unusual. It is always men who are partners in professional services / hedge funds / private equity / senior in investment banks although a lot in tech not always front office. The wives work in schools like you or have very part time jobs in charities or the public sector. There are actually quite a lot of GPs and dentists who work part time.

Personally it’s not for me, I work in one of the fields I mentioned so I often have more in common with the school dads than the school mums. Not as high earning as your DH though! It would bore me silly to be managing the house all day. My DH runs a few businesses and we are equal contributors. We share all the house and kids load and I think that’s a much better balance. It can be stressful at times as we both have “important” jobs but it works for us. I did work part time for many years but in a full on role. I like being financially independent although sometimes envy the very part time mums off to the gym etc.

I was going to say I love your setup and wouldn’t mind that for myself at all, apart from
the fact that I’d hire a cleaner, gardener, etc.

Unfortunately, how your children’s views seem to be shaped my your home setup is not for me at all. Sounds like you and your husband have some work to do in that area.
Do you get your son/s to help around the house like your daughter? I hope so. The world doesn’t need more males with misogynistic attitudes.

I will always choose a more traditional model, because the modern models where the couple contributes 50/50 simply don’t work as men don’t pull their weight when it comes to household chores and life admin.
I don’t have children but in all my relationships where I lived with men, they contributed more financially and I contributed more with the cleaning, cooking, etc. I had a full time job throughout, so you could say that I worked more than men because they’d come home from work and relax whilst I’d come home to clean and cook, but the financial benefit means that I will be able to go part time before I retire.

That said, I think the fully traditional model where the woman stays at home and the man is the provider is very dangerous as it could trap women in potentially abusive marriages.

Why would you start a thread with a 'throwaway' user name and then reveal so much personal information about yourself?

Husband's age
Husband's job
Poster's job
Children's ages
Details of childen's schooling
Details of sister's career

Where husband's been on business

Her children will have good educations and be able to make their own choices. I am sure they will see lots of women with careers outside the home as well as careers within the home. They also have before them an amicable example of amicably shared roles, of parents working as a team.
The idea that OP is not standing on her own two feet seems strange to me. She is choosing to make her contribution to society in her way. Just because her OH contributes money and she contributes a time does not make her a lesser mortal.

My husband earns over £270k (inclusive of bonus-so less than your husband but a very significant amount) and I no longer work. Children are of school age (two of them) and whilst we had planned to send them privately, that was not to be due to SEND. One in specialist, one in mainstream; both have EHCPs.

It wasn't the original plan but it works for us with the cards we have been dealt. Husband pays into my pension every year. I have my pensions from my career too. I have the income from our two rental properties in my name. I know he is a decent man and if we ever split up, which I don't think we will, he would acknowledge that my career was shelved in order to care for our children appropriately given their additional needs. We have always had a joint account, all finances are shared and our next big financial goal is paying off our mortgage in the next 3 years.

There is no point in us having two competing careers....I'd earn less than a fifth of what he does in a year if I was full time in my previous role and be less able to support him and our children.

You are an adult and can make whatever choices suit you. But I feel really sad for your daughter and the narrow example she is being set about her potential.

If you are happy then that is fine. Tell your sister to jog on.
Any job is a good job if you take a pride in it. And your p/t job as a teaching assistant is a very valuable one.
And your job as a homemaker is a valuable one.
It works for you so what business is it of anyone else? ... including me!

This is such a typical MN response!

What's your definition?

I was all for go for your life on this but I do think it’s a bit sad that your daughter may actually want to do more in terms of career and role modelling is so important. For what it’s worth I am really keen my children both learn that it’s important to stand on their own two feet and are financially independent, not rely on anyone. This ensures that they will always have the freedom not to have to stay In relationships unless they want to

Why doesn’t your son help out with the housework too? Or is that just what girls do?