AIBU to be content with a traditional division of labour?

If this works for you - great.
just make sure you would be ok if anything happens - not just in case of divorce, but also long term illness…

That’s not normal to earn that much in my world but if you’re happy; great. I’d only worry the example you’re setting for your daughters and your own boredom! I’d be bored out my mind!

I think it’s fine and almost any division of labour is fine as long as both parties are happy with it and value the role of the other person, and the protections of marriage are in place.

I can’t see what the issue would be - no one has ever said that women should be forced to be in paid work if it suits both parties to have one person at home, and it’s decided that it should be the woman.

It surely helps that your DH’s income is so higher though! I’m sure that makes the role of “home manager” a lot nicer and easier.

And that higher family wage probably brings with it the respect that society gives to those who are better off - which probably helps too!

I think the downfall can come when society doesn’t recognise that the “home maker” partner in a less well off family (ie their partner earns less), or a single parent who is currently unable to be in work, is doing an equally valuable role and should be equally esteemed by society.

It is not either/or ....
EITHER you work F/T outside of the home, send children to care facility, be a worthwhile productive person.
OR you are a SAHP who is not productive, and waits on the spouse who is at work outside of the home when they come home.

There is a whole spectrum between those 2 extremes. I like the idea of respecting those choices without making value judgements.

At least women have choice now.

However the reality is that everyone's choices are restricted by financial factors. Someone (male or female) who might wish to be a SAHP is likely to find that impossible because of the need for there to be 2 earners in a household.

But where finances allow then people should be free to make their own choice without being told that by choosing to be a SAHM they are foisting some sort of 1950s housewife role on their daughters. Not so .... those DDs will make their own choices.

My situation is similar to yours OP, but for different reasons.
My DH earns well, nowhere near as much as yours, but enough to pay the mortgage, all bills and for us to have a decent standard of living. Until a year ago, I also worked full time and earned a decent wage which meant that we had a great household income, split all domestic and children-related tasks (admittedly I probably still did more!).
Then we had a series of tough life events thrown at us like a barrage, one of which was my cancer diagnosis.
We made the decision for me to give up work completely for the foreseeable future, certainly while I'm still having treatment and potentially for a little longer after that to rest and recover.
Even then I imagine I'll just work very part-time. Mainly because we've both realised how beneficial it has been for all of us for him to be able to concentrate completely on work in the knowledge that I'm at home handling most of the household and children stuff. We have a more peaceful and less frantic home life, even while dealing with the bad stuff.
So each to their own.
I realise that in many ways we are very lucky to have the choice.

I wasn't really meaning sitting on his bum while you waited on him. There are certainly men who do very little at home though.

Again there are lots of assumptions here. Just because a man might have a fulltime job does not mean he "does not have to lift a finger at home." That is down to the couple.

When I was a SAHM for 5 years my working OH still helped with the running of the household. He did not come home and sit on his bum while I waited on him.

She has the choice but many women don't and to be honest women who choose not to work so their DHs don't have to lift a finger at home make it harder for everyone else. That is why I certainly don't think every choice is a feminist one.

Not sure where you got that from - I’m referring to her saying her daughter loves to do housework and her son wants to be a provider like his dad.

It’s fine. I’d just be worried about it crashing down one day if your DH gets sick and has to leave the job for example. I’m sure you have savings to keep you afloat for a while, I’d just be concerned living primarily on one salary for this reason. Being a PT TA is nice but I’m assuming is your pocket money, it doesn’t pay well.

Trumptontown · Today 08:28
Exactly. Op, if you’re happy, you’re happy, but think about what kind of message you’re sending your children. Do you encourage the boys to help out with household chores too, and talk to your daughter about women having careers? Sorry if this has already been asked, I’ve not read the full thread.

Just because she chooses not to work full time does not mean one should assume any of the the things you are suggesting above. You are stereotyping her in the worst possible way by assuming that if she is at home caring for her children she is also against choice for all adults in their lives.

She is sending out a message about choice - she has made one choice and her DD will be exposed all the time to women who have made other choices - DD is not living in a bubble - she is at a private school where education and careers for women (should they so choose) are the stuff of everyday.

OP has also chosen a part time career in a job that is of huge value - helping small children to learn.

This bland assumption that any woman who chooses to fully parent their children at home is some sort of downtrodden dinosaur does not hold water.

And make sure you don't get into a habit of doing everything for the kids because it's 'your job'. Make sure they a) contribute as members of the household and b) are competent adults.

How the children behave now doesn't mean they wont change. The daughter will see her friends with working mums, and will see female role models in all walks of life. She may find a subject at school so deeply fascinating she wants to spend her life studying it. She may want her own money to buy luxuries. She might meet a partner she loves who doesn't earn very well and so decides to be the breadwinner to support them both. She might say 'I like how my parents did it, I'm going to do it that way' or she might say 'Mum, Dad, I'm joining the army'. And it will be OP and her husbands job to put their own opinions to one side and say 'You'd be great at that, go for it'

But she could also choose to work F/T and use child care and cleaner etc.
That is I think the point ... she has choice.

Why would you be unreasonable to be content with your life? It sounds fine to me. You both work hard, your husband is respectful and appreciates you. I think most people who moan about the division of labour are doing so because its clearly unfair with one person doing a lot more than the other/ having much less downtime than the other / having no respect for the other (eg making all the family decisions because they earn more).

However I'd be quite concerned that your kids want to follow these traditional roles as they don't work for everyone and you need to be a very high earner or married to a very high earner to live comfortably. If either of them have 'normal jobs they might struggle. For instance if your son internalises that bringing up kids and housework is womens work, but earns a salary where both parents have to work, that's going to cause issues for him. And if your daughter thinks she is going to find someone to look after her so she can stay at home or work very part time then she might not try for anything more so may not have a fall back option, or she may marry someone that she isn't compatible with because he is rich. I know young kids want to be like their parents and that's normal but I'd be having conversations about alternatives, back ups, and the reality for most parents other than the very richest is that most parents work and share responsibilities

It doesn't sound like OP actually chose not to have a career though. It seems it has just happened because of the long hours her DH works and that he therefore doesn't contribute much to the family. That is the reason a lot of women end up without a career.

I think it seems like a fair division of labour, but I’d also think that if you were the high flyer and he was working part time and carrying the domestic load. It’s not about ‘traditional gender roles’ as such, just splitting duties practically. And you earn, so you’re not putting yourself in a position of complete financial vulnerability.

Indeed.
It is about choice.
Both men and women can now make choices about how they organise their family lives and careers.
The OP and her OH have chosen one way and that is fine.
The point is that at one time the woman would have had no choice and now she has. The fact that some choose what was once the norm and no longer is does not mean it is a negative thing.
The idea that her DD will miss that she also has choice and think she has to do the same is crazy.
The current mindset devalues the choice of being a home parent and that is wrong. It is a valuable job.

If it works for you then great! However, I would feel so vulnerable if something happened to your DH. Also I wouldn’t like the example I was setting the kids. I’d also worry about resentment. My DH also manages to work and take our younger one to school, and ferry kids from activities during the week.

Exactly. Op, if you’re happy, you’re happy, but think about what kind of message you’re sending your children. Do you encourage the boys to help out with household chores too, and talk to your daughter about women having careers? Sorry if this has already been asked, I’ve not read the full thread.

Sex. We aren’t born with a gender.

Well that 'OP' with his AI generated trad wife agenda melted like snow.

The gender we are born in does influence opportunities in life unfortunately. The fact that both genders work doesn't automatically mean that there is "equality of opportunity". I am not saying that OP should or shouldn't do anything but choosing to do something (or not) doesn't make someone a feminist.

I have been in your situation raising a lot of children and with a DH with a totally inflexible career so I stayed at home... I got a job when I was 54 and now I am retraining for a profession and will qualify when I'm 59, which has been fantastic. The only thing I would say is make sure you individual pension situation etc is all in order... I say all this but I wouldn't encourage my daughter to be reliant on a man despite what I have done.. it's just how it panned out for us and I feel grateful I was able to be here all the time and don't regret it at all. I have had the best of both worlds.

Yes, but that doesn't dictate what people have to do with the equality. Equality of opportunity. I like the original description 'biology is not destiny'. How we are born should not dictate or limit are choices. And so if a family choose to have one person work and one person stay at home, thay's a choice. I know a family where the dad stays at home and the mum works. That's equality of opportunity. Me and my husband both work, that's equality of opportunity.