to let DS teenage friends visit despite DH objecting to the loo?

Can your DH do a comedy "here's how to clean after yourself" with the lads?

'Here are the marigolds - preferably pink. Here is the bleach and the antibac. Here's how you use a loo brush/toilet duck with an extra "and of course if you aim for the exact centre of the bowl you won't sprinkle"'.

At the very least put a sticker on the bottom of the bowl for them to aim at.

This is meant to be lighthearted. I can imagine my DH saying, "Lads! It's time to learn how to be proper men and earn man points from your mum and future spouses and partners!" As he pulls on and pings a pair of pink rubber gloves...

Your DH has an over-protective attitude to his toilet that amounts to a MH issue.

So these boys are 12/13? Very young to not have curfews and all this freedom

Sorry if missed but is there the one toilet in the house @powerforce ?

It's such a shame your DH doesn't feel the same. Even if he doesn't say anything it still affects the household vibe

best of luck getting him to accept it!

I’m sorry Op, DH doesn’t sound great to live with or a particularly caring father. Is he generous in other ways / pull his weight generally?

given you have two toilets could you try to ring fence one for guests until DH has worked on his OCD?

I think you’re doing a great job in the circumstances and should feel good that DS and his friends want to be at yours and feel safe there

Sounds about white

We’ve always encouraged and allowed both our kids friends to socialise in our house to avoid the scenarios described by others where the kids are hanging around outside.
It’s meant a lot of cleaning, many toilet rolls and multiple snacks but it doesn’t matter they’re all welcome and always respectful when they’re here.

My eldest is a girl and so I always wanted to be the house that they all go to or end up in as I worried about her safety on the streets even though we live in a nice area.

That continued when DS became a teenager. They all come to our house. I really like it because I get to know all the kids really well and I always know where they are. They do go out but always tend to start or come back here.

Re toilet issue, I have no issue shouting out to the general house “whoever has left the loo in a state, get in here and tidy it up please”. It doesn’t take long for the boys to realise that I’m cool with them all being here but they better not treat the place like a zoo. Now they’re all 14 I no longer need to remind them.

I have OCD that manifests around toilet issues. It has never stopped me having dc’s friends over. That’s my issue, not theirs. I use the upstairs loo until I feel comfortable doing otherwise.

What does your husband actually want your son to do?
Not see his friends, spend all his time isolated, or online?
Not feel comfortable having g friends round but instead go to his mates houses which imay expose him to people and situations that are potentially dangerous or at least uncomfortable depending on how bad the area really is
Hang about in parks, high street benches etc un gangs and the problems that are associated with that

Yes it might be annoying having guests. What what practical alternative would he actually be happy with?

Your DH needs to get a grip

It’s great his friends want to come round and he wants them to

This is your son's home, too.

As everyone's said, your husband is unusual in his attitude, I hope he can find a way to accept it for your whole family's sake. He definitely risks pushing your son away. Does he have any understanding of this?

I think I read you have 2 toilets. Could you ask guests to only use one and your husband can limit himself to using the other so he doesn't have to experience using the same toilet space? Also interested in how he manages if out and about, does he only ever use the toilet in your own house? Just curious!

It sounds like it's not just about the toilet thing, though, and he doesn't want them in the house generally? He really needs to work through this as he has chosen to have a partner and children who have lives of their own!

I would have the ick if my DH was so prissy. You are parenting well if your house is the one that want to hang out in.

I own several teenage boys. He's being ridiculous.

This is exactly how I felt, despite my ex DH not liking it

my house was the last day of term hangout, hall full of giant shoes, big platters of fajita toppings for them to construct

footie tournaments in the garden, talking to them about shite

living room full of lanky, smelly teenage boys the next morning

I didn’t have this upbringing and I so wanted it for my boys

He is being unreasonable.

OCD is horrible and hard to live with but he needs to have CBT for it so that he doesn’t feel so anxious about minor things. I’ve just had CBT which has been brilliant

You were starting to think you were at fault for allowing your child to have friends over?

If that's true, you've been gaslight good and proper about what's normal OP

Yes, you’d look completely mad. It’s just a toilet. Most of us use public toilets, toilets in cafes, pubs and restaurants, toilets at work, toilets at friends’ houses… and have never thought twice about anyone else using our loo!

I really, really hope to be the house my kids and their friends want to be in. They’re 13 and 9 and have friends round regularly and I encourage it. We have lots of snacks and games and I stay out of the way which appears to be what they mostly want. My daughter is more of a 1:1 person (she’s autistic) but she’s welcome to have whoever around whenever she likes and my son has friends back after school most Fridays (half day Fridays here). They both have loads of activities and clubs and my daughter has homework but they find time for friends too as they should.

I think your husband is hugely unreasonable. A group of teenagers with nowhere safe to be is the worst possible outcome. I see the results in the parks and streets around here which is a huge reason we spend as much as we do on dance lessons and half our free time driving to football practice. I would guess a decent number of the boys at your house wouldn’t want to be at home so it’s lovely that you’re providing a safe place for them. You’re doing much more than you know for them.

Same here. My FIL was like this when DP was young. He denies it now but it's a huge reason DP has a poor relationship with his parents (FIL in particular) and why he's actually much closer to his best friend's mum and dad.

This is utter madness.
If his OCD is this bad its his problem, not the guests.
You can put signs up about giving it a checkround and leaving it how it was found I suppose.
Have you got two toilets? Maybe DH can make one off limits to guests.