to let DS teenage friends visit despite DH objecting to the loo?

Surely he has as much say as you though?

Your H needs to get therapy.

He is being seriously unreasonable.

Make him find a therapist; he needs to work hard on his problem.

This

Oh my bloody hell! I've heard it all now. You don't want teenage kids round because they'll use the loo??? Seriously??? This is the oddest thing I've seen for ages.

I have 4 "kids" - youngest and only one who is (sometimes) at home is 22. It's their house too. They have friends who have stayed over many years and hopefully felt at home and welcome here.

The offending boys just use the downstairs loo. Oh my goodness. I despair. I have never heard such madness, and I have been on Mumsnet in various guises since 2004. Your dh has a problem that will affect his children's social lives.

Is your DH autistic?

The best part about being a teenager was hanging out with my mates every evening after school.

Your poor kids.

Oh, forgot to add, I came home from work once (I do shifts), to find my DS had some friends over (they'd finished their A Level exams). They'd done the housework, mowed the lawn and had made me and DD some supper!

YANBU for wanting your DS to have his friends over. I know exactly what you mean about wanting to be the home that the DC come to. My parents were very much the same: friends welcome over (some had very difficult/challenging home life), they did have house rules, and wouldn't hesitate to remind our (me/my siblings) friends to tidy/clean up after themselves etc. My parents wanted our house to be a safe place for us/our friends to hang out in (far better that than us hanging out on the streets). They even took in one of my brother's friends when his mum had a nervous breakdown. When me/my siblings left home, our friends would still drop by to see my folks. When my folks died, the Church was packed with not just family or friends of family, but our own mates who adored my parents and wanted to pay their respects. And yes, my parents were strict with curfews, behaviour etc.

I've kept the same thing going with my own DC (they're now 12 and 19): my house is SMALL (and only one bathroom!), but we budge up and make room and friends are welcome over. I know they're all safe, and I can keep an eye on them. Yes, teenagers are like locusts, but I make sure snacks/soft drinks available, and we have plenty of camping beds/mattresses for DC's friends to sleep on. I have house rules (clean up after yourselves!), and expect good manners, homework to be done etc, but they know they can come here and I'll make sure they're all safe. I'm apparently the first port of call if eldest (DS) has been on a night out and one of his group is stranded/can't get home (particularly when they were all still in 6th form). Far better they come to my place, where they'll be safe. My eldest is away at his Dad's place at the moment, but one of his friends (who he's known since they were 4!) swung by to say hello this evening (and asked to use my treadmill!!). He had supper with me/my DD (there was plenty to go around), then helped with the washing up before heading home. 😂

If your DH has an OCD diagnosis, then I can't imagine how difficult it must be for him. It would be good for him to get the help he needs to manage his condition better, but this shouldn't prevent your DC having friends over.

I agree. And how you mentioned the boy with your DD just proves it. Honestly you can change the outcome of someone’s life by small acts of kindness like this and setting a good example . My DH grew up in a rough area. His friends mum had him in for dinner one night and he went back every day for about 2 years 🙈 They are still in contact 30 years later and she sends presents for our kids.

I have OCD. The biggest lesson I’ve learnt is that I can’t let it dictate my children’s lives. I have to sit with being uncomfortable sometimes. Children don’t deserve to have their life restricted for their parents problem.

Why are so many people anal about toilets? They are designed to be shit and pissed in, and then it gets flushed away.

If your DH continues like this it’s going to affect his long term relationship with his son which is terribly sad.
What a shame DS’s friends aren’t welcomed in his own home.

Your husband needs to get a grip here!

Love this. We used to live in a similar town and encouraged our teen son's friends to hang out at our house for the same reasons you have described.

Zooming out to look at the bigger picture (aside from your husband needing to manage himself in order to not make his loved one's lives worse in the short term) - creating a situation where your teens feel like 1) their peers aren't acceptable to their family, and 2) they need to hang out in other places - would be very, very unwise.

I would hate this. My house always has extra kids in, my dd’s best friend (over 18 now) even moved in with us stealthily and has lived with us for 3 years. It is unusual for me to be cooking a meal without cooking for one or two extra teens, most weekends we have several teenagers sleeping over.

And by having them over you’ll be helping them in more ways than you can imagine. It’s so good for them to see a home like yours.

Included in the definition of OCD (a term which is bandied about inappropriately) is the statement that it interferes with your and others lives.

Your husband isn’t “a bit OCD”, he has OCD and needs to be treated, for all your sakes,

And when you say that to him what’s his answer?

He either needs to see a GP or shut up about it.

Even more reason to provide a safe space for them, I’d have said.
Op’s ds will be hanging out with them whatever the location.